Tag Archives: trouble

It has begun.

Dr Pixie warned before that children reaching 2 will start to push the envelope with you.

Caleb turned 2 this January. But this post isn’t about him.

Last night I smacked Caitlin- the grab-her-arm-so-she-can’t-run-away smack; the night before Hot Mummee smacked her too.

I have had long car-ride talks with her about being the big sister to Caleb- she snatches from him, does dangerous leaps; how he looks up to her and mimics her not knowing right from wrong yet; and so, telling her that what he does is generally her fault (on this I had clearly highlighted both the good things he mimics as well as the bad things).

But last night she was just plainly defying me.

Hot Mummee says I have always been too lenient: I believe in a couple of warnings first. Last night she was pounding an inverted empty raisin tin like a drum with some of her colour pencils, her brother copying her. After repeated and increasingly stern pleas and warnings to stop “Because it’s noisy and you will break the pencils inside..”, she still went on with it. I took it away. She went to get it back. I took it away again out of reach.

Then she started playing with her plastic childrens-table, turning it upside down and crawling under it pretending to be a tunnel, her brother copying her, when he has already cleaned up in pj’s ready for bed. Pleas turned into warnings, not heeded again.

“I said no!”

” I said yes!”

I flipped: CHASED and grabbed her arm and whipped-smacked the back of her thigh.

She bawled. It stung my fingers for a while, which I am sure was the same on her fleshy thigh. I didn’t regret it. Repeated warnings warranted it.

“Don’t you talk back to me!” and reminded her about the earlier two let-go’s before I flipped.

And here’s the potential tear jerker:
Why are you more happy with di-di (younger brother) than with me??

Fine tight rope act and speech required here.

After insisting that she calmed down, I explained; as had Hot Mummee the night before. “We love you both the same, but you just plainly do not listen!“, “.. he listens to us..”, “..but he copies what you do, especially the bad things..”, “.. at 2 he is already very polite..” etc.

Sigh.

She is a smart kid. Quite bright, observant (that’s obvious from above), and at present somewhat requiring lots of guidance. We work fulltime, Grandma can only do so much. She is still okay with her studies, but it is this kinda in-discipline that is preventing her to start being able to read, at 5-turning-6 age.

Caleb at 17 months

I have mentioned about his shifty eyes, looking at Daddee funny with an attitude, when he was only 6 months old.

Now he doesn’t look at me when I tell him off.

He’d sometimes take forever to finish his bottle of milk. 3/4 through and he’d stop, get off the sofa, wanders around for whatever / whoever. He’d look for HM, his jie-jie, or just because. He’d walk to walls and slap it. He’d come over and put his head on your lap and then rubs his face (nose) on it too, hands free.

Sometimes he’d stop the milk with “nn-more” accompanied by the “finished” hand gesture, as if you’d believe that the 3/4 bottle is empty; and proceed to get off the sofa.

Just because he can walk. At 17 months he is walking around, screaming demanding for stuff, stuff his jie-jie has just because she is holding it, screaming because his jie-jien snatches it back, screaming just because he has a voice. He’d also mumble. Sometimes imitating words he’d immediately heard uttered by the adults around him, sometimes it’s his own words that he’d used before, like that dah-den that seems to me to describe anything and everything in his universe.

I’d go over, carry him back to the sofa, sit him down and get down to his eye level, grunting “Finish your naan-naan!”

He’d look past me. At the tv behind me, at the wall behind me, at the shelf behind me. Just not at me. He’d move his head slightly, but it’s usually just the use of his eyes, no need wasting energy moving the head. No, don’t make eye-contact with Daddee, let’s drive him crazy a bit more. Ignore the bugger.

* Now I know what my mum went through, getting me to sit down and finish whatever it was I was supposed to do! And Caleb is not even 2 yet!

I was gonna say “It has begun”.. but you know it had already begun even before he turned 1! Ugh!

Would you have given in?

Friday morning we were getting ready for work and school respectively. Fridays are when Caitlin’s school has a wading session in their small pool. Since she’s always loved the pool it was always a welcomed day; that as well as an early-age adoption of the adult TGIF concept (she doesn’t seem to like school as much this year).

She’s still got some audible phlegm in her throat, though she isn’t coughing anymore, it’s still there. Apparently she had also promised Teacher Rachel a show-and-tell of her collection of fridge magnets from home. She told me of this on Thursday night when I was tucking her in.

That morning I made the mistake of reminding her that it’s swimming day. All psyched up, she had been carrying her plastic bag of swim gear all morning wherever she was whilst getting ready. HM reminded me of her still-present phlegm, that we should wait for another week before she is allowed back in the pool (the last time I forgot, her cough came back in full force after a swim with Daddee; and we know how easily she pukes when she gets into a coughing fit).

I told her “no, can’t go swimming; wait for another week”. She wouldn’t have it. Repeated Elmer Fudd vs Bugs Bunny of yes no yes no only aggravated the respective individual emotions of our positions. Of course being the Daddee I managed to almost wrestle the bag off her. Okay I did it as gently as I could.

We were already in the car, basement of our building. Every morning we’d be lugging not just our respective bags; there is also Caleb’s gear for the day, some washing to be done, and Caleb himself aided by our helper. Settled in, buckling our seatbelts, feeling pretty shitty about the whole ordeal already, and she says, between the teary jerks of breaths, “DADDEE WE FORGOT THE MAGNETS!!”

There were really 3 options to handle this: (1) Go upstairs alone. That would be the quickest. But that also means leaving them alone in the car in the basement- toddler, 14 month old, a foreigner; (2) All go up together. Safest option. But taking the longest, making us late for school and work. (3) Fuggedaboutit.

I declared option (3). Caitlin goes into a wailing fit. Feet kicking, top of voice crying protesting she wants to go back upstairs to get the magnets, why wasn’t I listening to her.

I respect that she wants to honour her promise to Teacher Rachel. She was even looking forward to this- I could tell. But either (1) or (2) would mean we’d both be late. I even twisted the argument back at her; not a very nice thing to practise on a toddler I admit; that she didn’t listen to me either that morning when we said no to swimming, that she didn’t listen to us.

I felt bad about her not able to indulge in a simple swimming activity. It didn’t rain that day and the swim session did go ahead. She would, like before, have to remain in class hearing all the cheers and splashes downstairs.

But I felt worse that I couldn’t let her carry out her simple request of going back upstairs to get the magnets. This wasn’t something bad at all. For the longest time I had been instilling in her to honour her word/promise, and this was one example- that she wanted to show the magnets as promised. I was consoling / coaching her to say to Teacher Rachel that she is sorry she forgot to bring the magnets, but that she would be late if she/we turned around to go get them, that she didn’t want to be late, and that she would bring them on Monday instead.

In some ways I was also just lazy.

But what would you have done?

How old before babies start to stand and walk?

Caleb turned 1 in Jan ’09.

Today he did these….

cal_almost_stood_tilt

And then, for the first time(s?) in his life, he stood!

The following pic was actually not the first time he managed to stand. That first time that he did manage to stand, we broke into cheers and applause that frightened him, and literally made him weak at the knees!

But it wasn’t long before he managed again!

cal_stood_tilt

Well done, son! Heh heh!

So, soon he will be a walking babbling little boy for the rest of us to chase!

DAh-DAH-DAH duh duh duh…nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn na-na-na….

Generally, do babies start walking first, or start talking first? I can’t remember this for Caitlin; I do remember that she started walking when she was still in her nappies with an external anti-wet shorts, similar to the ones Caleb is wearing above!

Cried till expiration, didn’t breathe, turned blue, passed out!



I kid you not. This was what Caleb did a few days ago.

I was at work and Grandma called to tell me of this.

Apparently he was crying quite profusely. You know how at each Waaa… babies would then draw their breath for the next Waaa…? Well, he didn’t. So he turned blue in the lips, then in the face, and went limp.

Grandma had the shock of her life. She quickly stroked him, patted him on the body and face, and then Caleb woke up.

So, upon finding out this I quickly called Dr Pixie to tell her of this.


Is this a physiological condition?
An inherited condition?
A psychological condition?
Are there any dangers to this?
WHAT’S GOING ON??

Very calmly, Dr Pixie tells me that this is nothing new. Kids do this to get attention, to get things their way; that there is nothing to worry about.

The only thing she said was out of the ordinary was that Caleb is (already) doing this at such a young age of 9 months; my own niece / her own daughter did this once when she was 2.

She did say these words though: Do not give in to the boy’s demands. This is how kids become spoilt brats – they start getting adults to give into them and the trouble starts.

Most of the explanation and conversation revolved around behavioural attitude rather than anything medical.

You can imagine my astonishment at hearing all this. But then when I was hearing this explanation I was reminded of the saying about kids who “.. held his breath till he turned blue to get his way…” It all kinda clicked at the point.

I knew this boy was likely going to be a difficult child with that behaviour, but now with this incident, or shall I more accurately say, manipulative behaviour, we really have a troublemaker in our hands…..

I looked up the internet to research this. I did find a lot of the same things as what Dr Pixie said, plus more:

  • Not to worry because the body’s natural defenses will kick in, and the child will start breathing naturally again;
  • Lie them down when they “pass out” just to ensure that the blood flow continues into their brain;
  • Once the kid wakes up, pretend nothing happened. They do this to seek attention, and that is exactly what you should not give them. Running to them Are you okay? will only exacerbate the problem, and they will likely learn that this trick works and does it again, probably for more and greater demands. An example of nothing-happened are (to continue) reading your newspaper (but peer over the page), go about the household chores like usual. Another trick was to turn your back on them, use a mirror just to see if they are okay.
  • Here are some links which I visited:

    http://www.baby-medical-questions-and-answers.com/toddler-discipline.html

    http://www.baby-medical-questions-and-answers.com/child-behavior-management.html

    http://en.allexperts.com/q/Pediatrics-1429/Crying-Toddler-1.htm

    And at the end is an excerpt from the last link above.

    What a scare! Other than that quote above, none of us had ever heard of anything like this before, what more a 9 month old already starting to try manipulating the situation and people. Grandma still doesn’t believe this and asked to recheck this “condition”.

    In a lot of ways, it kinda shows that this could possibly be a very smart boy.

    I only hope that this genius will only use his power for good and not evil…..! Well at least be on his parents’ side! He already looks at his Daddee in a certain way!

    Breath-Holding Spells
    What is a breath-holding spell?
    A breath-holding spell is when your child holds his breath when he is suddenly injured, frustrated, angry, or frightened. Breath-holding spells begin between the ages of 6 months and 2 years. They occur only while the child is awake.
    During a breath-holding spell:
    • Your child may make 1 or 2 cries and then hold his breath in expiration until he becomes blue around the lips and passes out.
    • Your child may stiffen and may have a few twitches or muscle jerks.
    • Your child will breathe normally again and become fully alert in less than 1 minute.
    What is the cause?
    An abnormal reflex allows 5% of normal children to hold their breath long enough to pass out. Most children do not do this deliberately.
    Holding the breath (when frustrated) and becoming bluish without passing out is such a common reaction in young infants that it is not considered abnormal.
    How long does it last?
    Breath-holding spells usually occur from 1 or 2 times a day to 1 or 2 times a month. Children usually stop having breath-holding spells by the time they are 4 or 5 years old.
    Breath-holding spells are not dangerous, and they don’t lead to epilepsy or brain damage.
    How can I take care of my child?
    • Treatment during attacks of breath-holding
    These attacks are harmless and always stop by themselves. Time the length of a few attacks, using a watch with a second hand.
    During an attack, do not hold your child upright. Instead, he should lie flat. This position will increase blood flow to the brain and may prevent some of the muscle jerking. Put a cold wet washcloth on your child’s forehead until he starts breathing again. Don’t start resuscitation or call a rescue squad–it’s not necessary. Also, don’t put anything in your child’s mouth because it could make him choke or vomit.
    • Treatment after attacks of breath-holding
    Give your child a brief hug and go about your business. A relaxed attitude is best. If you are frightened, don’t let your child know it. If your child had a temper tantrum because he wanted his way, don’t give in to him after the attack.
    • Prevention of injuries
    The main injury risk of a breath-holding spell is a head injury. If your child starts to have an attack while standing near a hard surface, go to him quickly and help lower him to the floor.
    What can I do to help prevent breath-holding spells?
    Most attacks from falling down or a sudden fright can’t be prevented. Neither can most attacks that are triggered by anger. However, some children can be distracted from their breath-holding if you intervene before they become blue. Tell your child to come to you for a hug or to look at something interesting. Ask him if he wants a drink of juice.
    If your child is having attacks every day, he probably has learned to trigger some of the attacks himself. This can happen when parents run to the child and pick him up every time he starts to cry, or when they give him his way as soon as the attack is over. Avoid these responses and your child won’t have an undue number of attacks.
    When should I call my child’s health care provider?
    Call during office hours if:
    • More than one spell occurs each week.
    • The attacks change.
    • You have other concerns or questions.

    Caution: Call a rescue squad (911) if your child has a different kind of attack during which he stops breathing for more than 1 minute or turns white (not blue).

    We’ve got a troublemaker in the making

    When babies are just being babies, you tend to forgive them when they are flailing their arms and legs around and inadvertently hits or knocks something over. You know they are only learning and practising their motor skills, and most … Continue reading