Not that we minded the idea. Back then we only loathed about what the likely quality of basic amenities would be like. After all, there were stories of toilets with no doors, toilets with no toilets but a hole in the ground. Somehow it never eventuated.

Through the years, the kids (my nephews and nieces) grew, and my parents have also continued keeping in contact with his relatives (well, they are mine too). They too have made visit(s?) here (but I was away studying/living in Adelaide at the time). A recent idea my dad had was to contribute toward a memorial of his ancestors, to keep the roots alive.

Recently, that idea came to fruition. And what better timing to also time the visit to the completed site with bringing the family there as well.

We had spent the week leading to, and including Christmas Day 2009, in Xiamen China. Xiamen city is only about 2-3 hours bus ride to the village, so it isn’t like a real trek too deep into China (please mind my poor knowledge of Chinese geography). That has worked out quite well all this time for my parents, making it easy for them to visit our relatives all these years.

My dad organised a tour group for this visit- which was actually just us, the whole 29 of us! It was a fun time for all as there were no outsiders and we were as our usual silly-carefree selves

I can’t say there was a sense of belonging, personally. After all, we were all born in and grew up in Malaysia. As a father I reckon my dad feels some form of achievement in finally bringing his own children together to see his birthplace, to see where we are from, his and our roots, connect with some distant blood relatives, and his contribution back to the community when he left with his father to seek, and found, a better life in distant shores. He had done well for himself with very humble beginnings, and by extension my generation (and later) are now a lot better off comparatively.

Take away the brick houses beside and behind this structure, and you have the house in which my father was born.

My grandfather built this house in the ’60′s apparently after the ethnic unrest in Indonesia, fearing the same for Malaya/Malaysia, with intention to bring everyone back to China to live in this bigger house.

This is (almost) everyone, infront of the “shrine” cum community hall that my dad funded and built

For Caitlin, at 5 years old I don’t think this will be a lasting impression. Ideologies of family ties is too mature for her. She will remember the some of the places we visited, and the fun with the cousins. She probably won’t remember how cold it was; she may remember what she wore; but she’s worn that same jacket before elsewhere.

One thing I’ve been saying to people who asked what I thought about my first visit to China is: “We were on the bus, driving through very long tunnels, to emerge to drive on long bridges.” I was rather awed by the landscape- it’s one thing to read about it and watch it on tv, but it’s another to see the natural landscape: mountains and valleys. Also, the technology deployed in this developing country is actually also more advanced than Malaysia. Tunnels bored through these mountains; long tunnels, and impressive world class bridges to carry you further. The highways are also multi-tiered, criss-crossing each other at higher and higher levels.

It is a big big country, there are uneven developments everywhere. I personally only saw 3 beggars on the street, only in Xiamen city; 2 of whom are disabled, the 3rd looked able-bodied but with a toddler probably 2-3 years old.

More pictures here:

• My brother’s photo collection on flickr
• Mine

Caitlin, in general is sweet to her younger brother Caleb. Since she was able to walk, she’d been fascinated by other humans her size. So, I guess it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise that she is so, to her little brother.

However, having been the only child for her first 3 years, the first grandchild at HM’s family side (Caitlin makes the 14th grandchild on my side!) I dare say she is kinda “spoiled” in that she’d be used to being the sole attention-getter.

For myself, I have made a conscious effort to be conscious of how she may feel when this happens. Especially when relatives are “re-living” having a rugrat and who’s just learned how to walk, Caleb has been getting all the attention of “How cute!”, “Look how he likes to walk in circles / spins / tiny stamping feet..”, Caitlin has been “relegated” to be the second favourite.

Touchwood- so far she doesn’t seem to be showing any ill feelings towards her brother as a result. The only hint of jealousy that I can readily observe, is when either is holding onto a toy and the other will want it (yes, only when the other has it!), or when one is embracing Grandma, the other wants to rush over for the same… the same doesn’t seem to apply to Daddee though! Caitlin embraces Daddee and Caleb is like “Ho hum ah well now what was I doing again?”

When this happens, I try my best that the other also gets the “equal opportunity”; either by embracing both, getting them to share, or even a simple look over to Caitlin offering her a reassuring smile. She usually reciprocates with one too, which is always heart-warming for Daddee. One thing I gotta do reverse too, is that in the mornings and evenings Caitlin rides with me in the front, with Caleb in the baby seat in the back with the helper. I spend most if not all of that time chatting with Caitlin on just about anything, whilst Caleb is kinda left on his own ogling at the window to the world zooming past.

One thing that I am a little impatient waiting for, is for Caleb to soon understand and speak more for us to also rationalise with him, so that Caitlin is not always the one having to give in; which she does now “because he doesn’t understand; and you’re the jie-jie..”

But that of course also means that Caitlin will no longer be the 4 year old that she is now, and that Caleb would have outgrown his current Royal Cuteness…. sigh.

How was your experience with growing up with a sibling, either as a younger and/or older one? How did your parents manage your different characters?

If memory serves me right, I would have already done this memorable (at least to me) routine with her already: HM was always working late, so it was up to me to tuck Caitlin into bed. At her bedtime, when we are both all cleaned up and lying on our bed, I’d whip out my Windoze PDA and run the slideshow of the mugshots of relatives I have saved as their respective caller ID.

We’d be lying in bed on our backs, and I’d run them for Caitlin to identify who they are.

“Yeh yeh..” (Paternal Grandpa)
“Nai nai…” (Paternal Grandma)
“Gong gong..” (Maternal Grandpa)
“Po po..” (Maternal Grandma)
.. and so on, on both HM and my side of the family.

Till today I still think that was a “nice” exercise. Our culture practises calling / addressing / greeting our elders upon meeting them. And this exercise familiarised Caitlin associating the “titles” to the respective relatives.

Caleb is 1.5 years old now. He has started calling the ones he sees everday.

“Gong gnng…. Po po….”

And yes, even “Dad-dee…” these days But alas, it wasn’t his first words.

So I reckon I’d soon start him on this exercise too. Only that I’d have to find a conducive environment; Caitlin had the luxury of being the only child at that time; now with Caleb, Caitlin being her usual cheeky self will actually be a nuisance for this…. I’d have to find a compromise somehow.

Anyway.

I see this view, and it never ceases to amuse / amaze me how the little human man can have such a “large” head on such slender necks

My parents had invited close relatives and friends, and had wanted to keep the affair not-to-big. So naturally the guest list was crafted by them. Seatings were also generally determined by them, as sometimes one has to try and please as many as possible and diplomatically seat various folks together or apart.

So anyway, whatever brought about the inspiration, my niece took it upon herself to add more activities and significance to the event- she had wanted to give her grandparents a surprise gift. She thought to create a photo album, chronicling from the days my parents dated, to their wedding, to when the kids (us) were born, and to when their generation was born. So there were lots of baby photos that still bring laughters today! She then got everyone of us to write a greeting / message of whatever we wanted to say to my parents.

Me and my siblings usually communicate via emails; like a mailing list, when we have something to collectively discuss. Here was no different, only that the nieces and nephews were also roped in; in discussing this, the program for the evening, and also all the planning leading up to it.

This latter phase largely revolved around what to get as doorgift for the guests. The criteria was that it had to be something that the guests won’t be throwing away very easily, not something that is left at the bottom of the drawer, something that can serve as a reminder of the event later on, and of course meaningful. So, that ruled out chocolates of even the best quality; cakes, for the same reason; Chinese tea; photoframes, cos, well it just didn’t jive well with anyone.

What we eventually settled was a pair of chopsticks, and Chinese teacup set.

In this pic, the gift looked like it does above with the chopsticks tied to the box, which contains the teacup.

After the party / the next morning, while recapping all the fun that was had by all, mum was looking at this doorgift. No, she / they didn’t know anything about this surprise either!

She shared a useful comment for the ethnic Chinese among us.

It would have been more meaningful if it were a rice bowl, instead of the cup, because a chopsticks+rice bowl combo is a more complete symbol for such an occasion. Since the occasion was to celebrate their 50th anniversary, as well as an early 70th birthday for my mum (it’s actually in the middle of the year), the combo would be symbolic of the hosts also wishing that their guests would also eat-well into their later age.

While mum’s birthday is later in the year, their anniversary apparently is spot on the date! It was also good that we did it early ‘cos some of these nieces and nephews have to leave for / go back to uni pretty soon.

The dinner party program also included a surprise slideshow presentation. In preparing for the photo album, my brother made copies (more like photographed the photos) of the nostalgic moments in their lives, and put together a slideshow with a similar chronicle theme to the album, but for all the guests to see.

That was a big feature of the evening, everyone’s eyes were glued to the screens! Friends who knew my parents even more than a decade ago were keenly watching the slideshow of my parents in their early 20′s and 30′s. Relatives relived the old days, my nieces and nephews laughing their heads off at kid photos of their parents.

But most importantly, my parents too were saying “Hey, that was when… ” and “Oh dear! Where did you get that from!?” They had a good time watching the whole 35min slideshow.

The nieces and nephews too had a series of speeches all planned out. In all, all of the grandkids present did something. Well wishes, toasts, and a presentation of 2 calligraphy scrolls handwritten by this organiser-niece, no less. The last of the grandkids’ surprise was this photo album mentioned earlier; a few of them slaved over it about 2 weeks before the event.

All the grandkids had a great time, too. All helped out in one way or another; even Caitlin accompanied me on stage when the hosts’ sons were up there welcoming the guests and other speaking ocassions.

Dr Pixie, being the oldest and de facto leader of my generation, summed it up nicely in her email today:

On a final note – the parents are very very very happy with the effort put into the Feb 14th dinner. Thats what parents live for – the time and effort by their children & grandchildren. The evidently wonderful camaderie enjoyed by the grandkids captured so well in the photos is so heart-warming; they have never ever quarrelled, with love and humility all round ; there isnt the slightest feeling of envy, jealousy, anger nor one-upmanship amongst this lot – this can teach us adults so many lessons.

Kudos, guys, for a job well done! All except Caleb, who was gladly snoozing through the whole event. He had to be taken out of his stroller / woken for these family shots, which while he thought it was very rude of the adults to disturb his sleep, we couldnt’ help but laugh at him though, trying to either stay awake or stay asleep, and stay balanced!

Oh yeah, much later that night, I thought I was the last to go to bed (we crashed at my parent’s place) I caught my father enjoying the photo album, in his fave seat, slowly flipping the pages and reading every single word…. Hear that, Mdm Organiser?

And being the cheeky uncle that I am, during times of emailing and IM-ing with her I pressured her highlighting things like “Are we on schedule?”, “You do realise that it’s now only seven days till the event”, when we (she) still hadn’t settled on which doorgifts would be best for the occassion / guests, let alone allowing time for the suppliers to come back with a quote and also getting them made!

She’s been frantically visiting the venue, executing the questions we had about where and how the tables will be arranged, sorting the seating by guests, getting her team (of cousins) to memorise the tables to help ushering, where to position the tv / screen (we have a slideshow of photos of last 50+ years), compiling the photos, “do they have wireless mics”, “this doorgift is better than that”, and getting her surprise gift completed, etc.

Yes, she’s done a surprise gift too.

At this juncture, from my own observations I’d say she has experienced at least some of these emotions!

• Some small forms of accomplishment (getting things in order for the event)
• Asking for favours
• Asking authorities (her older relatives) to stick to deadlines!
• Gratitude
• Controlling some (anxiety-related) emotions
• Pressured!
• Can’t please everyone!
• Panic!

Pretty good training just before heading off to uni!

Will let you know how the event goes!

Photos courtesy of my brother’s Flickr collection

It is my parents’ 50th anniversary this year, and also a joint celebration for my mum’s birthday.

But my dad doesn’t want people to know these.

He is kinda shy about it, you see.

Also, both my parents just want friends and family to come empty handed. That’s right. No gifts, no ang pows.

They have insisted that the dinner event, some 18 tables I hear, to just be a sit-down happy joy joy dinner with close friends and relatives. No stage, no mics, no hoo-ha.

But the grandkids are up to something…..

Some parts of their grand-plan are finalised, others still need the Committee’s approval and budgetary sign-offs

* Photo courtesy of my brother’s Flickr site