You feed the 2 year old a mouthful. And he keeps it there. No movement, no chewing, no swallowing. It’s J U S T T H E R E in his mouth. Take away his entertainment (which is usually a DVD of Bee Movie or Ice Age or some such) and he’d start bawling, mouth agape, effectively showing you the contents or objects in discussion here.

What the hell do we do?? He won’t chew, or (I think more accurately) forgets to chew. Threaten to take away the uneaten portions and he objects verbally and very audibly. Put it back, 5 seconds later, it’s back to forget-to-chew. He’s probably already no longer hungry, else he’d be chowing down the food. But he still has to finish up the food cos, well, it’s prepared, and he just has to finish it!

But wait a second: I think I used to to it to my mum way after 2 years old, else I wouldn’t be able to recall it. Does that mean that Caleb will be doing this for more years to come??

Does this look like a hand of a 4 year old?

Maybe it does to you. To me it looks more like- maybe a 10 year old’s hand.

This was when Auntie Susan and Uncle Jonathan had lunch with us at Dragon-i. These pigs were desert dishes, I think there was lotus paste in them. Quite yummy too.

I had organized Caitlin’s 4 year old birthday party before, and one of my criteria was that all the kids should enjoy the party or event. I did consider McD’s then, but didn’t think it was going to be all that fun, as I thought it was just all sit-down and eat, with party packs and hats to take-away, and maybe the chance for them to go crazy at the indoor playground.

I was wrong.

The party invitation, a McD stationary no less, stated that Chloe’s party is from 12-1:30. We only arrived around 12:10, cos since it was a Sunday lunch time all the good shaded parking spots were taken. Darn it I had to park in the sun, illegally no less. Went in, saw the sign that said “Chloe’s party” pointing upstairs. Went upstairs and some of the kids were already at their designated-just-for-kiddies long table munching away at their fries. An older kid came to greet us, and asked what Caitlin’s name was. “Hey, that’s my name too!” quipped the probably-10-years-old girl, and proceeded to write the name on Caitlin’s McD cap.

Caitlin then was led to the table to an empty seat. Rather apprehensive at first, as she is when attending any event, she soon got comfortable with her friends and found her fries and the McD toy in her mealbox, with her hat on – which is still at home today

Okay, so now what do I do? The playground doesn’t look like it will hold my weight….. I thought.

There were other parents there. I noticed some of them were talking to a McD staff. Others seemed to already know one another. Relatives, is what I thought. Do parents of school kids get involved with each other??

I didn’t know anyone, so I sat myself down to watch the kids for a while. Wait a sec, what about me- the kids are eating, and I am starting to get hungr..

“What would you like to eat sir?” said the same McD staff from before.

Isn’t this a fast-food self-order restaurant? “Err….” I was just thinking about going downstai…

“Would you like to try the Spicy Chicken McDeluxe?”

“Okay”. Can’t say I have heard of that menu-item before; Qtr Pounder and McChicken- yeah. This one must be new…?

Soon the staff came back with a tray full of the red boxes, closely followed by another with a tray full of fries and drinks. I warfed mine down, and so did the other parents; partly cos I was getting hungry, but mainly cos this is some tasty chicken burger with some spicy zing to it! It wasn’t bad, just like the McChicken that I always get, but with that extra kick, and it also seemed crunchier. I never liked adding sauce to most things I eat (not even on fries) so the spiciness of this burger is just what I liked, without the sugar of sauces.

“Cabbage-between-the-teeth for seconds anyone?”

I soon realised that Chloe’s mum was taking care of even the adults’ meals as well, so after I kinda picked my teeth to make myself presentable (cabbage-between-the-teeth for seconds anyone?) I went over to thank her for it. Made some small talk. By this time the kids were being rounded up for some games and activities already.

I realized then that my impressions of a McD’s birthday party was all wrong. The kids didn’t just sit around wearing their hats, munching on fries and going home with party packs (which btw contained a colouring book, colour pencils, and stickers of “My name is…”). There were 2 staff there actually getting the kids to play pass the ball, musical chairs and even the quintessential happy birthday song, complete with a big chair fit for the princess for the day!

In all this time, I was trying to capture as much as I can photos of my darling girl, who is growing up so quickly … and then, not suddenly but slowly …. something still didn’t feel right in my stomach.

Hmmm…

I looked around the upstairs a little bit. Should I leave Caitlin “unattended” while I step away for a while? Will she freak out if she can’t find me? Or will she even notice that I wasn’t around?

I took the chance. Headed straight downstairs hoping that it was gonna be a quick one, and found that there was a queue! Yikes, I gotta wait!

Tick tock tick tock….

Soon, it was my turn, and I conducted the “transaction” as fast as I could, and quickly went back upstairs, happy with myself with what I needed to do, and also that Caitlin didn’t even notice I was gone, being so engrossed with the games that the staff were putting on.

Sat myself down again, and enjoyed ANOTHER SPICY CHICKEN McDELUXE McVALUE MEAL!

Heh heh! Now I was happy.

We left only at 2pm, even though most of the kids were still loitering. The real reason we had to leave was because, as stated in the invitation, the party was only supposed to be until 1:30pm, because at 2pm another one was starting!

Thank goodness I still managed to get the the second McValue meal- it’s actually catered for the lunch period, 12-3pm; but luckily it’s on everyday! Guess where I’d be having a value-lunch mostly these days, now that they also have a new menu-item (at least for me) that’s to my taste? RM5.95 only, no less?

I did, twice in a day!

But one doesn’t have to be kings to be able to eat like this in mostly all Australian cafes…..

Okay okay, this may not be a big deal for some of you guys, but it is for me; cos it’s not always that we get real bacon at home… You could find them in Malaysian supermarkets, but I don’t think I’d be able to get a “complete” meal like this!

And this is only for breakfast

Heh….

Caitlin walks in, and asked what the heck I was doing.

I decided to be honest.

“Daddee’s looking at the lines on my body**”.

“Lines? What lines?”

“These lines” point at the curved lines beneath what used to be spectacular pecs*. “Daddee’s getting fat.”

Now she is telling people she doesn’t wanna eat so much because she doesn’t wanna get fat- “Otherwise I will get lines on my body like Daddee…”

Yeah thanks kiddo.

* Okay I exaggerate.

** The lines look like bra-underwire marks on my body now- this, I am not exaggerating. I will spare you the photos lest you cannot look at me in the face the next time we meet…. or vice versa.

It’s a combo of gravity, fat, and the lack of youth.

I am in trouble now….

Caitlin got her share of the spaghetti and got stuck into it. From what I can see she was quite happily digging into it from the start, eyes glued to the tv (we have failed in this respect of parenting in that our earlier habits of singledom of meals-infront-of-tv has now be passed onto the kids; where our fold-out pinewood tables from those days are now utilised more by Caitlin. TV, as you know, is an effective distraction tool..)

I went over to sit with her, a slice of extravaganza in hand.

Halfway into her spaghetti she looks to me and says, “Daddee, this is a bit hot…”

“Issit??” The Uh-oh’s running through my mind: Need to rush her a glass of water; replace the plate and offer her the pizza; Daddee has to be the food-disposal by consuming the left-over; the “local city-council waste management company”, if going by local vernacular..

“Ya, it’s a bit hot. But I can eat it- I’m a [nod] big girl [nod nod] now… It’s a bit hot but I’m a [nod] big [nod] girl [nod] now..”

She continues with her spaghetti, eyes back on the tv.

I can’t remember ever seeing her talk to me as matter-of-fact-ly as she did this afternoon. Straight faced, telling it the way it is.

Surprise, pride, admiration, nostalgia, sentimentalism, Please Don’t Grow So Quickly, I-wish-I-had-my-camera; all rolled into one.

Grandma immediately brushed it off Caitlin’s chest, comforted her, and was feeling bad…

“Sorry!! Grandma naughty! Grandma didn’t make sure the noodles was cool enough; Grandma naughty! So sorry darling!”

Caitlin, I guess felt sorry for Grandma. Still in her tears, Caitlin comforts Grandma, “No, noodles naughty! Not Grandma!”

And she pushes hard too. To the extent that today, Grandma told me that there was a spot of blood on her pants.

The poor kid does eat her greens, and a great variety of them too, by the way. I also believe she drinks enough water too, and I encourage her to when I am with her. But yet she still has hard ones. Over the weekend I have had the “privilege” of sitting by her to chat with her while she had to go (I usually do this while waiting to subsequently wash her up). Three sessions / days in a row she was in loud tears as a result of the pain during pushing / passing.

Grandma is going to start buying again some prunes for her to eat. I have also suggested that she get some papaya too- the former being super fibrous, the latter being something of a laxative (some family members of mine have had to experience this after enjoying too much of it!)

What do you feed your kids to ease this inhibition? I don’t want to start relying on anything artificial like medication or suppositories. Rather I prefer something totally natural that could even become part of her usual diet.

Caitlin on the dunny having a chat with Daddee. I will spare her some dignity in future, promise!