School and bullies, just saying.

Posted on 21 February, 2011 | Leave a comment

So the time will come when my 2 kids will be moving to Australia too- starting at a new school, and starting school, respectively.

Especially for Caitlin, she will have to readjust to another new school, after having completed the last 3 years in pre-school to start primary schooling this past January- at a new school, new friends, new syllabus- new everything. When she comes, she will be the new kid in an environment where her peers are no longer unfamiliar like newbies anymore.

I just hope that that will be the only thing she will have to cope with.

I recall during my first year in boarding school in Australia, albeit I was already 15; there was a senior who was, for some reason, watering the lawn outside the dorm. I was walking in his direction to go in. He thought it was funny to raise and aim the hose at me. All I could do was shout “STOP IT”. Through the spray I think I saw him laughing. It didn’t last long- he decided to stop. I didn’t know what to do, could do. I just continued on my way.

There was another time when a girl-classmate did the slanty-eyed thing on her temples and thought it was funny uttering “Look I can’t see through my eyes” to the other schoolmates; who didn’t think it was funny. I Just ignored her. I think she got expelled- she was of that character anyway.

Incidentally, a year after that, a genuine friend actually asked me how I really do see through these eyes! I appreciated his honesty, but I guess he needed a(nother) lesson in eye physiology and the physics of light :) I don’t think I have small eyes anyway!

So when my kids come, I just hope that adjusting to the new school will be all they need to worry about. I would tend to think that between my time in the mid-80′s to now, kids today are more “multi-cultured” and that if any bullying it wouldn’t be race-based.

That they would only need to find out things that are idiosyncratic to that school. Hmm I used a big word correctly.

It’s quite cool that local schools are starting programs such as this. This article reminded me of what Annie Fox has been writing about bullying. We are not affiliated; I follow her on twitter because she talks about parenting on a professional basis.

I think programs like this is also double-edged in that they probably make a leader out of the older child. The whole “taking care of the new/weak(?)”

Just saying.

→ Leave a comment

Posted in A father's POV, Education, Just saying, life skills, Parenting musing

Tagged , ,

A dog in the family..

Posted on 18 February, 2011 | 2 Comments

So I was watching Marley and Me which was on TV tonight.

I hadn’t watched it before, and it was already running when I got out of the shower. SPOILER WARNING: I am going to talk about the ending of the movie below.

I have kinda always had a dog in my life. When my older brother did well in his mid-high school exams, our dad honoured his promise of a reward with an Alsation pup. I would have been around 8 then.

He was a great dog. I gotta admit we weren’t the most “mature” in our methods of disciplining him, but we did give him a home, played with him, trained him. In return he was obedient and loyal. The only time he wasn’t obedient was when he needed to satisfy urges to run out of the house compound, and needed lots of coaxing to come home. I believe there was even once when he went out without our knowledge, and was found waiting outside our gate; presumably all satisfied with his outing and thought it was time to go home :)

He was eventually put down. He was about 13 years old, which means he would have been 90 dog-years old. He was just too weak physically as well as with his immunity, and started to develop some skin and ear problems.

It was my brother and I who brought him to the vet. We weren’t strangers to the vet; been taking him there for similar problems already. The vet had told us off a few times of “neglect”, but he also knew that dogs of this breed would be hard to maintain in the tropical climate.

That last visit, when we brought him in, the vet’s tone changed when we agreed that perhaps it was time.

Dog lovers all in the room.

The scene in Marley and Me was very similar. My brother and I just held Alley as he slowly slipped away. I recall I was patting him, uttering “it’s okay” quietly. Stroking his still fluffy mane, comforting him. He had never liked the vet or the clinic, and would put up a fight when the vet came near. He was putting up a fight again when the vet gave the dose, but the fight slowly slipped away too. I hoped he heard my last words too.

The car ride home with my brother was just silence.

I am writing this because of an immediately earlier scene in the movie.

The kids in the movie was saying goodbye to Marley at home, just before he was taken to the vet; when everyone kinda already knew he wouldn’t be returning.

I am writing this because where I am now (alone away from home in a friend’s house) they have a dog; probably not that much smaller than Marley. Harley is a black dog, similar line of the labradors. My friends got him from a pound when he would have been about around 2 years old. They are not sure of his breed either.

In watching that goodbye-at-home scene, I found myself wondering what it would be like if my own family had a dog. The kids would be about the same ages even though I only have two. I believe the kids would grow to love the dog like I did Alley, and would have assumed the dog to (almost) be part of the family. And, how they would react when the dog was dying.

Or how to handle impending death.

This same older brother of mine had/have other dogs since Alley. Shadow, a doberman (by choice due to a shorter coat!) was hit by a car a few years ago, and had to be put down too. Shadow was in his prime; a champion-of-the-class dog who was also of very good temperament. I had followed my older brother to a few of their obedient classes, and had watched him graduate as champ of the class. I recall I was at my inlaws’ having dinner, and broke down when my brother called to tell me the news.

His kids were pretty distraught too.

They now have another doberman, Kaiser, and a beagle Yoshi. Similarly I had followed Kaiser to dog classes; and rest assured we now know how to handle dogs “maturely”, so Kaiser also responds to my calls. My kids see how friendly I am with the dogs, and vice versa. If it weren’t for Hot Mummee around, I would let the kids interact more than just touch their noses. Caleb is the braver of my two kids, venturing to stroke the big black menacing looking dog.

I don’t know if I will eventually also have a dog in my family. I know I wouldn’t let him into the house, but at least whether I’d have one. I know the kids would be inclined to one, just a matter of whether HM would also be okay with it.

Nah, she won’t.

Kaiser the 2nd champion doberman

Yoshi the not-so-trained yapper!

Photos taken from my brother’s collection.

→ 2 Comments

Posted in A father's POV, Education, life skills, siblings

Tagged

Absence makes the heart grow..

Posted on 15 February, 2011 | Leave a comment

Yes this Daddee is away from home.

Back in the days when I was away from home during overseas studies, we would rely solely on this almost A4-sized paper that was folded 3 times over and licked to seal.

Then when I was at uni, I was astonished that this thing called electronic mail that lecturers used to share notes, was able to go beyond the campus’ gateway and into my sister’s work inbox in Singapore.

Of course in between there was phone calls to chat, usually kept very short because of the costs of the call.

Texting was only available after my graduation and returning to Malaysia, and ICQ much later after that.

These days, we have this thing called Skype and Yahoo messenger where not only could we chat over voice, we could also see each other; and if this Daddee has his way (soon?), maybe this thing called Facetime as well ;)

So anyway, Daddee is away from home. Caitlin knew full well days before my departure what the implications are; something I will come back to another time. But after almost a week away and video-chatting nearly everyday, I sincerely hope the kids are coping with my absence. They are staying with their grandparents who, with all due respect, are not as energetic as I am insofar as bringing them out to the parks, goofing around with them outside or on the floor, role playing with their toys, taking them for a swim.

In the video-chats Caitlin does save her comments for the day to share them with me. She would, albeit only very short and unfocused, share with me some thoughts or activities, or questions from something from her day- which I thought is nice. But she would naturally also ask when we’d be together again… In all, I still think that this is better than nothing at all, or at least what it used to be with me. Then again this is a 6 year old who can’t write well yet to correspond any other way.

Caleb would come on too sometimes, but most times he is more fascinated with seeing himself on the monitor and make faces just to see what it looked like on screen. He knows I am there, and we exchange greetings too, but that is really all we- I, can do for him at this stage.

So, I think they are coping okay for now; I wouldn’t say they are coping “well”.

At least from my perspective…

→ Leave a comment

Posted in A father's POV, A toddler's POV, Caitlin the heiress, Caleb the heir, Short post

Caleb turns 3!

Posted on 8 January, 2011
cal3rdbday

This gallery contains 1 photos.

You are starting to show your traits: You are compassionate. If you accidentally knock someone you immediately apologise without prompting from anyone. If jie-jie is hurt, you go to her asking if she is okay. And if she asks if … Continue reading →

→ 1 Comment

More Galleries

Been offline eh?

Posted on 6 January, 2011 | Leave a comment

How much we rely on access to the internet.

With a change in job, the usual modem-dongle that I use from home is now rightfully returned to Hot Mummee’s now-ex employment :) Thus explaining my hiatus from blogging.

Surely you didn’t expect me to blog from the office? ;)

Will try and find opportunities for more updates here; including Caleb’s birthday tomorrow!

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Short post

On why I picked up Bikram yoga

Posted on 16 December, 2010 | 1 Comment

I had once been asked to contribute to this site about how Real Men Do Yoga but had somehow lost the link to this site. Got a reminder recently, and had gladly done so.

Hope you enjoy this bit of a rant. It is to do with my well-being, especially in the context of having (enough?) energy as a father chasing around demanding 6- and 3-year olds :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m into social media and twitter, and I was whining about my bad knee, and how I was putting on the pounds with the lack of (conventional) exercise. This is my left knee, which I damaged years ago when I went back to the gym after some time off and went straight for the same weight I used before, for squatting. Dumbass. I should have, and do know better. That’s how I had stayed injury free, till then.

Either that or it was the time when I curled my leg to pull myself closer to the office desk on the wheeled-chair, and my knee popped.

Either way, it hurts like hell now at the point of the common angle of climbing up a stair- 45 degrees from straight; which means I can’t play tennis anymore (since one has to be bent-kneed to be ready to pounce towards where the ball is going).

So, a mutual friend on twitter read the whine. She happens to be a qualified trainer, just returning from Vegas then. “Why not come give Bikram yoga a try?”

My mum used to teach yoga to her friends at home, in the early 80′s. She had started practising at home in the late 70′s when my older brother bought her a book titled “Yoga for health”. Me being the youngest and already starting high school, she had more time and thought to teach it. I think she was proud of how many had commented how young she looks for her age; she’s always attributed it to yoga. Whenever she was teaching upstairs I’d be downstairs watching either The A-team, Airwolf or MacGyver, to give you an idea when this was.

Whenever she was practising, I’d use to join her. Not for all the poses, only what I thought was challenging for someone my age then. The Bat was one I would always try- where one sits on the floor with legs straight and wide open, and chin to the floor, finger grabbing the toes. If I recall, the advanced version would involve proceeding to a complete side-split, stomach on the floor and roll forward and end up on the stomach with legs behind and flat on the floor.

Years after that whilst growing up, I’d still do that for fun- on the floor while watching TV, or reading the newspapers. I always felt better after a stretch. It also helped with the karate and kung-fu classes I would take short years after that. Boarding school bullies who try to challenge me would think twice when I “show off” warming up for the “duel”. Okay- news about giving the karate instructor a bloody nose during sparring also helped.

Since those years ago, I took up the usual sports like tennis and gym, etc. Never at all giving “real” complete yoga classes any thought. I was in all ways, a typical bloke.

So I accepted this invitation to give Bikram class a try this past April. I was not happy with my weight and, truthfully, my image, my puffy face. I could only wear my 2 largest pants in my wardrobe. I had also just done a medical and my cholesterol levels were frightening.

At the first class, I could do most of the stretch-related poses, but no way till today could I keep my endurance up for all the pose-holding. In May there was a 3 week work-related travel away from home. Being the first time in the US I tried mostly all of the foods presented to the delegation and also US-sized fast food. Upon returning I was even more motivated.

I have been trying to go 3 times a week since then. Most times when I couldn’t was due to my daughter’s whining- due to my fulltime job I could only go after work, which means no time for her/them and our trips to the playground, dinners together, or simply just hanging out. During periods of lull in the office, I have gone for the early morning classes to improvise. I have been lucky with this arrangement this year.

Around July or August during a family dinner my older sister, whom I don’t see regularly, commented that I have lost weight “and look better this way”. Her teenage daughters and other nieces, being something of activity-junkies themselves, were asking which studio I attend. I had even brought one of them along once for her to try. And as expected, it is too slow for her. Though she could do everything and had enjoyed it, she is back to her usual bouldering and cheer-leading activities; “for now”, this late-teenager added.

So, I’m still attending as regularly as I can. I do feel more energetic, noticeably able to keep up with the kids. I am getting back some definition, an image which I wasn’t so conscious anymore at our recent family trip to a water park. I am sure the wife has also had some secret thoughts though she hasn’t shared much (!) but I do know she is happy for me too.

These days I can chomp down the nieces-made cheesecakes and rebut the wife when she warns that I would put on weight. “Don’t worry, I now know the formula!”

Thanks to Bikram instructor Mei Ng, http://twitter.com/MeiNg, for the invitation :)

→ 1 Comment

Posted in A father's POV, Adventures, Caitlin the heiress, Caleb the heir, Ergonomics

The year that was, almost.

Posted on 14 December, 2010 | Leave a comment

It’s coming the year end already.

Caitlin has completed her pre-school. How it only seemed like yesterday, when she started with them 3 years ago now; and she will be starting primary schooling- Standard (or year) 1 come January 2011.

She’s been attending their orientation for the last 3 weeks; at the good suggestion from the vernacular Mandarin-based school. I still chuckle at the suggestion-letter, stating that it has been their experience that kids these days are more well versed in non-Mandarin language (especially English for kids today, they said) and find starting school in Chinese medium very tough going. I have seen this myself even some 15 years ago now with my nieces and nephews, with their parents saying their teachers were commenting how their kids would space-out in class, due to non-comprehending what was going on and thus getting bored.

Lucky for us, we had enrolled Caitlin in Chinese medium at the last 2 years of this preschool, which has helped tremendously. From what I can tell she has handled this orientation quite well. I think she will do fine when school starts. It’s when they start getting serious that I worry if she can cope with the workload.

Caleb’s vocabulary has improved tremendously this year too. It’s only in the last few months that he has started articulating his words more audibly. That’s not to say it is as good as Caitlin’s when she was his age, but at least for me I can understand him better now. Only now that he has started sharing his thoughts, that we realised that he is actually also quite a keen observer- noting road directions and asking why we aren’t going to a known destination because it’s a different road we are on. His hand eye coordination is definitely way better than Caitlin’s, although both seem to do quite well when it comes to console-type games. On this last one, they are true synonyms of “What latest technology?” (I read about a report with the interviewer, in commenting on how fast tech is moving, asked what kids thought about the “latest technologies”.) The “oldest” tech that these guys are still using may well be the DVD player. No wait, Hot Mummee’s recording of anime still uses the old VCR; at least they are still exposed to “tapes” :)

I suppose Caitlin demonstrates that girls do grow up (mature) faster. She’s been playing this game on managing a zoo quite well, with me giving some guidance (not that I am a finance / budget guru!) on saving for the future (of buying more land (zoo expansion), new animals and other zoo facilities. As compared to Caleb, Caleb still does not always comprehend the reasonings we give him on why he can / cannot do certain things. I also watched some doco about how or when kids start showing empathy…. Now that I think about it, he could just be cunning in pretending he doesn’t understand this and gets away with it “because he’s still little”!

One big thing that we are still grappling with is that they both must learn to share. Their constant arguments and almost-physical fights are a real worry and annoyance for all concerned. From what I hear and understand about maturity, this is something to “look forward to” for more years to come…

Caitlin has just turned 6, and Caleb will turn 3 in January 2011.

→ Leave a comment

Posted in A father's POV, milestones, Parenting musing, The future