Had my full medical checkup some three weeks ago now.

The bloodwork came back all good news. The Dr, whom had presumably a few minutes ago rummaged through the pages before calling me in, was flicking through the four-page report, pencil-pointing to me the different categories and the corresponding figures and how each were within acceptable range etc.

And then we came to the last page, where he used the word “awful” to describe my cholesterol levels.

I kinda already expected bad news in this area. My family, no- my siblings & my mum, have always had high levels. The last time I checked was in the mid-90′s. Yes I know I have been slack about this. Back then, it was already at 6.3, if I remember correctly.

So, couple with these histories and how I have not really been watching what I eat, I was already prepared to hear the “awful” news.

7.3.

Alright, I wasn’t prepared to learn that it was that high.

I don’t eat shellfish foods; the only seafood I eat is fish, and the occasional prawn already prepared, like in dim sum, stir-fries, etc. I won’t go out of my way to order huge prawns or crabs or anything like that. Never was into them since young. I think it all started with “what an effort just to get that little bit of meat, when it’s not all that tasty to me anyway” attitude that kinda stuck as I grew up. I do like meat though, like steaks and lamb (shanks) etc. That’s probably why I knew that it would still be on the high side.

But again, never expected it that high.

Was it a wake-up call? Kinda.

Upon seeing another Dr (the panel doctor, to get the medication) he was saying that since my family history is already such, and that my last check was already so high, there is no point changing diet just to see how low it falls- to go straight to starting medication as well as changing my diet.

Kinda tough considering I already don’t eat much seafood, if at all. So I started looking into where else I could modify.

With my understanding, exercise also helps in some ways: Along with “flushing” away fats, the act of exercising also makes the liver produce less bad cholesterols. It has also been a while since I got back into that regime.

Some of you would know that I had started attending Bikram yoga since April/May. I ramped up my frequencies after this wake-up. I had also started going for walks at the Kiara trek whenever I was able to finish work early.

But I think it was also that I really started watching what I eat, and more importantly, how big/small the portions are, in my every meal, that had made the difference.

I won’t bother trying to identify which of these factors helped, but these days I do feel more energetic, and able to chase my 2 little monkeys around a little more

Since it is pretty evident that this is a congenital characteristic that’s literally in the blood (genes), I am also starting to coach Caitlin to avoid high cholesterol foods.

Taught her about good fats and bad fats, by borrowing my own experience when I first learn about cholesterol in my teens. This was my brother in law’s analogy of how to remember them. There are HDLs and LDLs, high and low density lipids. The way to remember which one to reduce, if you spoke Hokkien, is H is for “ho”, as in “good”; and L stands for “lousy”

The human liver produces these lipids. In our case ours basically produce too much of it; and consuming them in foods doesn’t help my/our cause. These drugs basically blocks the liver from producing so much, and it is hoped that coupled with reduced intake in foods, that my levels would be brought down to more favourable levels.

But that doesn’t discount the fact that, since my levels have been so high for so long, I’d probably already have some levels of deposits in my internal blood-tubes…..

Now Daddee has to start taking medications every night, “forever” :-\

iPhones can have games. Daddee has 2 kids. The 2 kids are of the ages now where they start to share almost similar levels of gameplay. They also don’t quite yet know how to share between themselves.

And Daddee has an iPhone.

You know the rest of the story.

So tonight Caitlin had a “brilliant” idea: “Daddee, why don’t you buy another iPhone, so that di-di and I don’t need to share, and we still get to play games?”

Whilst not quite a bad idea for a compromise / solution to an ongoing toddler-problem, it is of course not really feasible.

Lately most of my interaction with them have been to behave: to learn to share, “DON’T SNATCH!”, the concept of taking turns, and even empathy.

They argue, verbally fight, snatch from each other, the older jie-jie going “HMMPPFF” arms-folded, and lately tug-of-war over the object of desire.

As parents of more-than-1-kid would know, the younger one really only has the older one to look up to, and so when the older one misbehaves, the younger picks it up as possible acceptable behaviour. So most times I’d end up telling Caitlin off, which only makes her resent her di-di more.

So, I also need to get them to learn to treasure each other as siblings. One of the poignant things I’ve told Caitlin is that once mummee and daddee are gone, they are really only going to have each other as “family”. A bit harsh and many even a tad premature, but I think she got it.

So, while I do let Caitlin, who rides in the front with me when I send them over to school and my inlaws’, play with my iPhone during the car journeys, I do also have to make sure Caleb gets his share of time on the iDevice too. This is usually at home when I can watch that he doesn’t actually starts wiping out my contacts or calendar of appointments!

Of course, there’s also the Hot Mummee aspect, where she’s already laid down the law that there is to be no iPhone playing at all except on weekends- a whole new can of worms altogether!

So I was in The Gardens for dinner the other night, with Caleb, Caitlin, and our helper.

We were in the food court; there was/is a small corner near its entrance that has a play mat – you know those jigsaw foam thingies that assemble into a mat. Caitlin was already eyeing that when we entered, insisting to go play there even though there really isn’t anything there to play with- maybe only a small table and chair(s).

During dinner I had noted a couple of boys, very likely brothers, walking in towards their table, where their mum was already seated when we arrived. Presumably the boys had finished their meals and went out wandering whilst mum was still chowing down her meal. I noted their entrance because one of the boys was kicking his sneakers on the floor while he walked, making loud squeeks along the way….. brat.

It was after Caitlin and I had finished our dinner, and whilst our helper was still feeding Caleb, that Caitlin insisted that we moved over to the playmat. Okay what the heck, I thought.

So she was on the mat, Rather dirty one at that, playing for the sake of playing on a new someone-else’s-as-long-as-it’s-not-mine mat. The brats came over. One of them nonchalantly lay on the floor mat, not that far from Caitlin. Then the other lay down too. Caitlin didn’t think anything of it, continuing to reach for stray pieces to assemble on the floor. The younger brother grabbed some of the stray jigsaw squares pieces threw up in the air, probably hoping that it’d land on my daughter, and probably would continue throwing each time getting closer, just to get some kinda reaction from someone.

I knew this was going to be bad news. “Put your shoes on darling, we are going”. Not very reluctantly, Caitlin started getting her shoes on. It wasn’t really a fun place- these weren’t fun toys anyway; not because of these brats.

The younger brother, still lying on the ground / mat, started kicking the furniture; kicking and kicking that it started edging and pushing into Caitlin. Caitlin looked at me. She had a WTF look on her face- if 5 year olds can muster a WTF gesture that would be it.

I grunted at him. But- yup, you guessed it, he didn’t care. Like I wasn’t there, like it’s all fun and games still.

What he did next really took the cake. Earlier he had come over with a mouthful of ice, from his cup from the table where his mum was. Here, he took out pieces of ice from his mouth, and threw them across the court towards the far wall. If you were seated in that area you wouldn’t have missed it- the action of someone throwing something would easily catch your peripheral vision, if the smashing sound of the ice didn’t.

Repeatedly.

I saw this, and looked over to his mum. She didn’t care. I am sure she saw. I couldn’t believe it.

Another smash. I looked over to the mum again. She saw me. I looked over to her kids, and back to her, and shook my head. She looked away, arrogantly.

Dr Pixie warned before that children reaching 2 will start to push the envelope with you.

Caleb turned 2 this January. But this post isn’t about him.

Last night I smacked Caitlin- the grab-her-arm-so-she-can’t-run-away smack; the night before Hot Mummee smacked her too.

I have had long car-ride talks with her about being the big sister to Caleb- she snatches from him, does dangerous leaps; how he looks up to her and mimics her not knowing right from wrong yet; and so, telling her that what he does is generally her fault (on this I had clearly highlighted both the good things he mimics as well as the bad things).

But last night she was just plainly defying me.

Hot Mummee says I have always been too lenient: I believe in a couple of warnings first. Last night she was pounding an inverted empty raisin tin like a drum with some of her colour pencils, her brother copying her. After repeated and increasingly stern pleas and warnings to stop “Because it’s noisy and you will break the pencils inside..”, she still went on with it. I took it away. She went to get it back. I took it away again out of reach.

Then she started playing with her plastic childrens-table, turning it upside down and crawling under it pretending to be a tunnel, her brother copying her, when he has already cleaned up in pj’s ready for bed. Pleas turned into warnings, not heeded again.

“I said no!”

” I said yes!”

I flipped: CHASED and grabbed her arm and whipped-smacked the back of her thigh.

She bawled. It stung my fingers for a while, which I am sure was the same on her fleshy thigh. I didn’t regret it. Repeated warnings warranted it.

“Don’t you talk back to me!” and reminded her about the earlier two let-go’s before I flipped.

And here’s the potential tear jerker:
Why are you more happy with di-di (younger brother) than with me??

Fine tight rope act and speech required here.

After insisting that she calmed down, I explained; as had Hot Mummee the night before. “We love you both the same, but you just plainly do not listen!“, “.. he listens to us..”, “..but he copies what you do, especially the bad things..”, “.. at 2 he is already very polite..” etc.

Sigh.

She is a smart kid. Quite bright, observant (that’s obvious from above), and at present somewhat requiring lots of guidance. We work fulltime, Grandma can only do so much. She is still okay with her studies, but it is this kinda in-discipline that is preventing her to start being able to read, at 5-turning-6 age.

I was just reading this article about disciplining children, and reminded me of what had happened only this morning.

Granted it would always be the parents’ fault if children don’t get sufficient sleep/not going to bed early enough. Of late, I have found that Caitlin would still wake at around the same time in the morning, even if it wasn’t a school day (much like last week’s week-long break), even if she did not retire on time. She still gets her afternoon naps, so I am a little relieved that she would still be getting some growing-time (research says that baby lambs can actually grow cm’s while sleeping; let alone the rest the brain requires).

Still, no excuses though.

Of late on schooldays, I have also started waking her a little later than earlier this year- I have started waking her almost 30min later now. Decided on this because, other than both of us getting a little more sleep, I had also found that she used to be waiting to leave, all dressed and ready and catching a bit more of Playhouse Disney in the meantime.

Waking her this morning wasn’t as difficult as Monday morning this week (cos we were all at a relative’s wedding dinner and all retired very much later than usual). Still, being her usual self she was moping around and taking too long doing everything (getting her morning dose of milk, teeth-brushing, washing up).

Instead of grunting at her, I tried this: “You know, if you wanna do things so slowly, then Daddee will have to wake you earlier so that you won’t be late for school… Either you do things quickly and not be day dreaming and wake up a bit later/get to sleep some more, or I wake you earlier.”

Knowing that sleep is quite precious, I think it may actually work. “OKAY OKAY..”

Not to contradict myself, I didn’t have the time to go get the recent “toy” I bought her. I got her a cardboard clockface from MPH for RM6.90 (if I recall correctly) with movable hands and hour and minutes on the face. I have been trying to teach her how to read the clock.

I had wanted to show her what I meant about waking earlier. But “I will have to wake you even before the sky turns bright” was enough to drive the message home.

Let’s hope she sticks to it.

So how many of us realise; and how often do we remind ourselves, that whatever we do, say, behave, respond to situations, treat our own loved ones and other fellow human beings, we are being watched by the little kids around us?

Sometimes when I make a passing remark, opinion, upcoming event or plans, Caitlin would recount it hours later asking for clarification. For example, there is an upcoming party for one of our cousin’s buck’s night party, so the kids will have to crash at Grandma’s for that evening. Hot Mummee called up Grandma to tell her of this plan. Caitlin was within earshot (and conducted in Cantonese even). She asked me about it later, why we have to make her sleep over at Grandma’s.

Yes she understood the whole arrangement and asked about the event; when we didn’t think her Cantonese was even that good!

My point is, we are their one and only role model in their still-little universe. As they see how Mummee and Daddee behave, as adults, and especially as a couple, they will slowly and surely subconsciously form the opinion that this is the way an adult, and a couple is supposed to behave.

Sure, we hold our tongues when we are about to cuss something that pisssed us right off, make sure we either change the channel or that they aren’t around when inappropriate tv-content comes on, but what about everyday behaviour? The way we drive, cuss at other drivers (if one is so inclined), jump queue? (I get asked this by Caitlin sometimes, but luckily I am a patient driver and I explain to her that there is no queue, merely changing lanes; HM on the other hand….

Our parents are the first couple-role model in our lives. I “realised” this when I was reading a self-help book many years ago when I was personally going through some difficult times- I believe the book is called Conscious Loving. From there, one can either choose to emulate, or go almost-opposite against, what they see of this model couple. I guess, in looking around, there are those who don’t realise this, and kinda almost emulate this model couple later in their adult life. I am generalising here, but folks with broken-family backgrounds tend to have similar relationships or choose not to commit. On a less serious level, families that speak very casually and loudly, almost rudely to their elders, tend to “spawn” the same type of behaviour in their kids.

Just somethings I have been casually thinking about lately, as a parent…..

So how do you behave in front of the “younglings”?

* Sorry, this is the first photo I used for this blog that isn’t originally mine! Courtesy of www.makemymood.com

School kids nationwide are on holidays from this weekend on.

Caitlin has some holiday homework to do for the week off school, from (as far as I can see- gotta check her bag/books) 3 subjects of English, Malay and Chinese. Each of them have a date on the homework pages for respective dates of the week- yes, the teachers are pacing the kids so that they have homework each of the holidays.

Hot Mummee and I are of the opinion that Caitlin, whilst it’s a lazy-ish Saturday afternoon, that she can do as much of them as she can, even to have them all completed. Caitlin on the other hand, quite vehemently objects, saying that she should follow the pace that the teachers have set, to listen to what the teachers have told the class.

HM herself thinks that Caitlin is just being lazy, whereas I was seated beside her surfing whilst she was quite happily completing the homework that was set for the first few days- so I know she isn’t lazy per se.

What would you do? I kinda respect Caitlin’s respect for what the teachers have said, despite also somewhat agreeing with HM’s rationale to complete her homework early in the holidays.

I have this really old and (therefore) oversized tank top; probably got it from Petaling Street many years ago.

I wear it to bed, and sometimes don’t change out of it, and even go out getting take away lunch- it gets hot okay! Besides I am only going to get hawker-food lunch, nothing fancy (as long as HM isn’t with me she won’t get embarrassed).

Yesterday that was what I did. Came home and sat beside Caitlin to lunch together

She says to me, “Daddee, don’t wear that again” and gazed at the arm(pit) hole.

“Why not?”

“I can see things..”

The only times Caitlin sees me topless is when we go swimming. And even then she sometimes catches glimpses of the things when I hold her in the water- she doesn’t see me topless and my things often.

And I haven’t exactly been in the best shape these years. Now I have really scarred her for life, with my man-boobs.

It’s hard looking for tank tops now, the cheap Petaling Street type. The ones I managed to find the last time are kinda fitting and thick, defeating the purpose of wearing something light when it’s hot. But I guess I have a young lady in the house now, and I gotta respect her wish.

It still gets hot though… and it’s about time I do something about the man-boobs and tyres.

Nope- no photos with this post. Don’t wanna scar you even this late in your life…

Woken by the kids, got them some morning snacks, and since it wasn’t too sunny and hot….

Luckily for everyone, Caleb actually likes to push from behind. But it won’t be long though, before he’d be wanting to ride.

Yes, they were still in their jammies. It’s Sunday okay- give us parents a break!

Evening came and it was time to get ready for bed.

Caleb can express his hunger quite audibly / comprehensibly now, by telling us “nan-nan”.

As you can see he’s quite comfortable on the beanbag. Quite a relief for all of us, since we don’t always have to be watching him when he feeds now.

Caitlin, on the other hand, was being rather cheeky about bedtime. Calls to her to go clean her teeth went unanswered.

We found her like this.

Now that’s one way of getting out of doing something. I gotta try that with Hot Mummee one day….

I am kinda struggling with this one.

Caitlin, in general is sweet to her younger brother Caleb. Since she was able to walk, she’d been fascinated by other humans her size. So, I guess it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise that she is so, to her little brother.

However, having been the only child for her first 3 years, the first grandchild at HM’s family side (Caitlin makes the 14th grandchild on my side!) I dare say she is kinda “spoiled” in that she’d be used to being the sole attention-getter.

For myself, I have made a conscious effort to be conscious of how she may feel when this happens. Especially when relatives are “re-living” having a rugrat and who’s just learned how to walk, Caleb has been getting all the attention of “How cute!”, “Look how he likes to walk in circles / spins / tiny stamping feet..”, Caitlin has been “relegated” to be the second favourite.

Touchwood- so far she doesn’t seem to be showing any ill feelings towards her brother as a result. The only hint of jealousy that I can readily observe, is when either is holding onto a toy and the other will want it (yes, only when the other has it!), or when one is embracing Grandma, the other wants to rush over for the same… the same doesn’t seem to apply to Daddee though! Caitlin embraces Daddee and Caleb is like “Ho hum ah well now what was I doing again?”

When this happens, I try my best that the other also gets the “equal opportunity”; either by embracing both, getting them to share, or even a simple look over to Caitlin offering her a reassuring smile. She usually reciprocates with one too, which is always heart-warming for Daddee. One thing I gotta do reverse too, is that in the mornings and evenings Caitlin rides with me in the front, with Caleb in the baby seat in the back with the helper. I spend most if not all of that time chatting with Caitlin on just about anything, whilst Caleb is kinda left on his own ogling at the window to the world zooming past.

One thing that I am a little impatient waiting for, is for Caleb to soon understand and speak more for us to also rationalise with him, so that Caitlin is not always the one having to give in; which she does now “because he doesn’t understand; and you’re the jie-jie..”

But that of course also means that Caitlin will no longer be the 4 year old that she is now, and that Caleb would have outgrown his current Royal Cuteness…. sigh.

How was your experience with growing up with a sibling, either as a younger and/or older one? How did your parents manage your different characters?

I started this blog about 2 years ago now. Caitlin would have been about 2.5 years old then.

If memory serves me right, I would have already done this memorable (at least to me) routine with her already: HM was always working late, so it was up to me to tuck Caitlin into bed. At her bedtime, when we are both all cleaned up and lying on our bed, I’d whip out my Windoze PDA and run the slideshow of the mugshots of relatives I have saved as their respective caller ID.

We’d be lying in bed on our backs, and I’d run them for Caitlin to identify who they are.

“Yeh yeh..” (Paternal Grandpa)
“Nai nai…” (Paternal Grandma)
“Gong gong..” (Maternal Grandpa)
“Po po..” (Maternal Grandma)
.. and so on, on both HM and my side of the family.

Till today I still think that was a “nice” exercise. Our culture practises calling / addressing / greeting our elders upon meeting them. And this exercise familiarised Caitlin associating the “titles” to the respective relatives.

Caleb is 1.5 years old now. He has started calling the ones he sees everday.

“Gong gnng…. Po po….”

And yes, even “Dad-dee…” these days But alas, it wasn’t his first words.

So I reckon I’d soon start him on this exercise too. Only that I’d have to find a conducive environment; Caitlin had the luxury of being the only child at that time; now with Caleb, Caitlin being her usual cheeky self will actually be a nuisance for this…. I’d have to find a compromise somehow.

Anyway.

I see this view, and it never ceases to amuse / amaze me how the little human man can have such a “large” head on such slender necks

Yeah, I have been rather lazy on this blog- I know.

So here’s the “dilemma” in the making; one that we will very likely come across in our role as parents; likely more than once in fact.

Say you have more than 1 child in the family. You have planned for a getaway- be it a holiday, or simply a trip to the mall. And one of your kids falls ill.

Do you:

1. Go ahead with the plan, leave the sick child behind;
2. Cancel the whole trip (and work out how to re-coop the funds or change the dates)?

So it’s the school holidays; this being the 2nd week already in the 2-week break. I had taken yesterday off planning to bring Caitlin out, even if it was a simple trip to the mall (the kids are cooped up at home too much too long). By lunch time Caitlin’s fever seemed to have returned. But she knew of the mall-plan, and pleaded to still be able to go.

“No, we are (all) not going anymore; just quickly finish your lunch and we’ll get you your meds..”

By which time Hot Mummee gave me the death stare.

Why should everyone not be able to go anymore just because one is unable to??

Perhaps I grew up in a household where, from experience, I was once down with something and the whole family wasn’t able to make the daytrip to the local beach; and that this was also the same “philosophy” practised by some shows / movies I have seen. My rationale is that it is very unfair for the sick child to be left behind whilst the rest gets to “have fun”, adding salt to the already sulking spirit.

HM however, is of the opinion that the party should still go ahead, and leave the sick child with a relative; that the deposits (or whatever) and plans made for the trip should not be wasted.

What would you do?

I have always had 2 pairs of sunglasses. They both live in my car, naturally, for driving.

The first pair I got before we had kids. It’s rather fancy in that it’s a wire framed one and therefore rather fragile. The second pair I got probably 2 years ago, from a golf shop. It’s the polarised type, for rough use like driving and walking about. It’s cheap-ish, under RM100. Personally I prefer the polarised ones because it’s actually a lot clearer and more “contrast” in AV speak, if I can even describe it this way.

Recently the second pair cracked at the frame above the lens (no it’s not in 2 pieces, bottom part of frame is still holding it together). It’s likely due to wear and tear- I do after all put it on the top of my head often. I super-glued it, and it was okay till a few days ago when I heard the same snap at the same place, and on top of my head too

So I found myself contemplating a new pair, while still “preserving” the first wire-frame pair. I can’t really say why other than the fact that it’s too fragile for my regular use. Okay, I do subscribe to retail therapy too!

Caitlin is at the age now where she is asking for stuff. Stuff that she sees on tv, while shopping, stuff that her peers in school has. Sometimes it’s new things, sometimes it’s new things of stuff she already has, justifying it by saying her younger brother can have the hand-me-down. Only last night she said she would like a new doll, the one that poops (!) I asked what about her current one. She says Caleb can have that one. She probably learned about hand me downs when, among other things, she’s seen and knows that Caleb wears her older pj’s, especially when we joke about her/his pink ones!

So, when I have the chance and when she brings it up, I explain to her that there are things we don’t always need, or need new ones of. Trying to teach her the concept of trade-offs, that if you save now you may be able to afford something else later, or that if you spend it now, you’d have less of “money” left for other possibly more important things.

99% of the time she accepts the explanation. We do get her new things when we feel like she needs a pamper or that something indeed does replacing. Lucky for us so far she is quite easy to please. So long as it’s a new something, she is happy- examples are new toothbrush or toothpaste! Or even a doorgift from some conference I attended, or a McD toy.

Anyway.

So while the rough-use pair of sunglasses is sitting at home waiting for me to retry and stick back together, I took out the wire-frame to wear while driving. 4year olds are actually quite observant creatures. While I quipped when the second pair cracked, she knew and suggested i glue it back together. She also knew I did so, and that I was waiting for it to dry.

So when she saw the wire-frame, she asked where it came from. I had to tell her that I owned 2 pairs.

If she was smarter or older, I would have left myself open to a trap of “How come you have 2 (of the same thing)?? Daddee???”

I can’t remember how I got out of that one, but I didn’t have to justify myself. I think she had just accepted it- lucky for me.

So now, I know I can’t go get myself another pair- spend money like I used to before marriage and kids. Before, because these are not big ticket things, I wouldn’t really hesitate much. but now, because as all parents know, we are constantly being watched as examples, I know I gotta practise what I preach.

How have you been teaching your kids about money?

“Nnn-more”.. with the rotate of the hands / wrist (most Asians use this gesture to indicate so).

He uses it for indicating something’s gone.

He uses it when he presses the remote and something else (not what he wants) comes on.

He uses it when the show’s end credits start scrolling.

He uses it for indicating he’s got nothing left to pee, which usually means he’s already wet something before, or will wet something after, soon.

He uses it when he pushes your hand away, when you put the bottle to his mouth. No it’s not finished.

But this Daddee uses it back on him too.

He uses it for indicating something’s gone

He uses it when he presses the remote and something else (what he wants) comes on. Usually when it’s also his bedtime. My time; after I nego with Hot Mummee

He uses it when Caleb drops something (usually his baby toy) on purpose (and glares at you), and Daddee’s done picking it up for him the nth time.

He uses it for indicating Hot Mummee’s not around when she’s gone into hiding (we all know how clingy he is to her, so we are trying to break that)

Heh.

I wonder if this happens in other cultures / countries.

Taken from today’s The Star list of popular articles.

Sex affair just to spite parents
By ANDREW SAGAYAM

KUALA LUMPUR: More underage girls are having sex to get back at their parents for neglecting them.

This startling information was revealed by police who said that the girls had initially claimed they were raped but later admitted to have consented to sex with their boyfriends.

Statistics compiled since 2005 showed that the number of girls below 16 years old who are sexually active has been increasing every year.

The study also revealed that an alarming 60% of girls between the ages of 13 and 15 had sex because they “wanted revenge” on their parents. Sex with a girl aged under 16 is classified as statutory rape under the Penal Code.

The girls, largely from urban areas, confessed that they had befriended men as they were angry with their parents for subjecting them to emotional and physical “abuse”.

While some had sex with men just to get back at their parents, others were coerced into it by the very men they had turned to for solace, said Asst Comm Suguram Bibi Munshi Deen, head of the Sexual Abuse and Children’s Division at Bukit Aman.

Noting that teen rape had risen since 2005, she said that the victims – mostly from cities and major towns in Selangor, Johor and Kedah – usually ended up pregnant.

“We are not pointing a finger or exposing the private lives of families but the public must realise what is happening,” said ACP Suguram Bibi.

“Children, teenagers and youths are our future leaders and we as adults, parents or guardians must guide and instil in them right and proper values.”

Statistics from 2005 to 2008 showed 75% of the rape victims were below 18 years old and at least 60% of the girls were below 16. Boys below 18 made up between 8.4% and 13.6% of the “rapists”.

The study also showed that teenagers got bored easily, craved attention or wanted the freedom to express themselves.

ACP Suguram Bibi said parents should educate sons to respect the opposite sex and not take advantage of them.

“We also found that some boys were challenged by their peers and forced to commit sex acts to prove that he was one of the gang and to stop being ridiculed.”

She advised parents to understand the law better and welcomed inquiries from anyone on investigation procedures in sexual assault cases.

While I have always thought and advocated being your (my) children’s good friends rather than being too much of a parent to them, I do recall coming across an article not that long ago saying that befriending one’s child is (still) not a good idea.

I can’t remember the reasons, but I think it was something like: with parenting comes more discipline (than being friends).

Okay, let’s just say then that it should be a mix of the two, that it’s still parenting but that the kids should still feel they can trust me enough to confide in me, that they won’t worry about being implicated / reprimanded for approaching me.

I am of this position because I wasn’t really “friends” with my own parents. Don’t get me wrong they are good parents; just that I felt I couldn’t confide in them. And now that I am a parent and would like to be involved with what my kids do, I want to be involved, at least in the know, of their thought process and patterns, and at least be in the position to be able to advise them of decisions.

What do you put in place when your kids are growing (in whatever age bracket) for both boys and girls in the family?