During our first Skype session after this same recent visit to Melbourne / seeing me after 5 months of my being here; matter of factly, she says to me “Daddee, everytime I think of you I feel like crying..” And moves on to another topic.

This one was from last year (late 2010):
Still within earshot when the restaurant staff walked past us, Caitlin asked: “Daddee, is that a boy or a girl?”

Yikes..

Yes, the long awaited reunion with them, since being away for so long.

And how much, and also how little, things have changed.

The good news/change is that:

• Caitlin has some school homework with her. She came to me for help like she’s been doing this for years;
• Caitlin has learned a lot; she can read and comprehend a lot better now, knows quite a bit of her multiplication tables;
• Caleb is a lot more cohesive now, much expanded vocabulary and also more expressive;
• They do seem to get along better, share stuff, starting to signs of relating to each other.

Now the “bad” news:

• They are still as cheeky as ever!
• But with age, comes more sophisticated cheekiness!

It’s the first time for both of them to experience an Australian winter (but it’s technically still not the coldest time yet) but they seem to take this on quite well. Sure they complain about first observations like COLD TOILET SEATS and cold winds, but generally they seem to enjoy their time here

They will be leaving for home this weekend, but at least I got to see them, hug them, and note these growing characteristics…

Oh, and Hot Mummee still looks, well, hawt

There was once an event at Grandma’s church. I think Grandma had to volunteer at this event, and Caitlin, her uncle and I were left in the hall waiting for her to join us. It was a rather big crowd there too. Caitlin must have been only about 3 or younger then. I think she hadn’t even started pre-school yet then.

We were seated on a long flowerbox or something. Soon after an older girl, perhaps 5 years old, came to the flowerbox near us. She took out a colouring book and colour pencils from her backpack and started colouring it. Caitlin, being always curious of other kids at that age, was watching this older girl. The girl knew it, and I guess she was also showing off her wares.

Caitlin started getting bored, and we weren’t prepared for this long wait- could have brought some toy or something to occupy her (I didn’t have an iPhone of games then either). So I went to the car to retrieve my small notepad and a pen; thought to teach her how to master holding a pen or even start writing. I really did not have anything for her.

She started doodling in it. Up and down strokes. It was quite pathetic really, given the situation we were in at the hall bored out of our minds, and the girl near us enjoying herself in full view of Caitlin, with her up-down strokes of blue ink in a small pocket-shirt sized lined notepad.

“That’s not nice” said the girl about Caitlin’s doodling. Caitlin was stumped, perhaps even hurt. For a 3 year old she didn’t know how to react. She just looked at me.

I guess this was also my first incident of someone else teasing my child, even if it’s verbal.

“How old are you?” I asked.

“I am 5 years old”, she said, without looking up from her colouring.

“Well, my daughter is only 3, and she can already hold a pencil properly. Could you do that when you were 3 years old?”

She didn’t answer me.

“No, I didn’t think you could.”

I have studied, lived and worked in Australia before. I grew up in Malaysia, and spent my developing late-teen years here.

In individualistic ways, I am a minority. Having obtained secondary and tertiary education here and having worked on both shores put me a unique position- of outlook, experience, cultural and language backgrounds. These are perhaps the qualities that past immigration policies stressed on when they look at multicultural policies and also during attempts to address the skills shortage and its ageing population, in the competitive (now comparative?) global markets.

But I am not getting into politics here.

I can therefore speak a few languages and Chinese dialects as a result- I always tell people that one of the “given” advantages of an ethnic Chinese growing up in an Asian city is that one would automatically pick up at least one dialect. In KL it is the widely spoken Cantonese, Penang would be the local flavour of Hokkien, Malacca would be Mandarin, etc., without actually needing to attend a vernacular school (but which I did- thanks mum In Singapore ethnic kids are required to also take on their respective mother-tongue as a language subject, on top of English.

But as you have rightly guessed, I am now wondering what my children will be like when they are growing up here, eventually.

In a lot of ways, I don’t want them to be “typical”. Not using myself as a model, I do wish for them to be upstanding unique citizens. I know all parents want these for their kids too, but if you take me and HM in this context- we are different in the local context; and I am looking at this in an optimistic light.

But what about the kids? They are still young, and will still be when they move here and be just another “product” of the local system.

Of course, this is almost-literally two sides of the same coin: They too would be a product of that system over there.

So then we come back to the original question: Am I doing the right thing for the kids? Am I doing this for selfish reasons of my own preference for wanting to live here, and thus “dragging” them along without the maturity and knowledge to offer their own opinions and preference too?

At this stage I can only offer that what will shape them to be un-typical would be our methods and values in raising them in the local environment. Yes I am generalising here, but I would wonder how many (“young”? parents out there have the kinds of background that HM and I have? A few, but not many, I would think.

And if I sound arrogant, I am not. I am looking out for my kids given what tools I have for this job.

In my dream I could recall real-life memories of skyping with my kids. I could recall the blurry image of them in the chat window, how I could still make out Caitlin’s missing two front teeth.

Then, still in that dream and with that “knowledge” or memory, I approached the Caitlin in my dream.

She was already a grown teenager, my height, bearing a full set of adult teeth. She was also dressed in her school uniform. She didn’t speak, just smiled lots.

Typical of my dreams (that I could at least remember) I was running around a lot, asking what’s-this/what’s-going-on questions. Particularly (mainly because I didn’t see anyone else) asking Hot Mummee this. She nonchalantly ignored me/my questions, went about her usual staring at her laptop. I recall I kept saying “But she was always only this tall”, holding my hand to my sternum, palm down. In the dream I even asked HM if Caitlin had even gone through puberty yet.

Cut to another scene; you know how dreams are.

There was me, the current-sized Caleb, and one other character in the foreground. We were near an open window.

Caleb proceeded to swiftly walk-climb to the open window, and fell out!

I peered out over the ledge; it was only a ground floor window, and he was faced down in a drain.

Cut to the next scene I was already outside. I picked him up, and sat him on the ledge of a flowerbox wall next to the drain. He was sobbing quietly. “Where ouch-ouch?” I asked, brushing dirt off his body. He points to a few joints here and there.

Then I woke up.

They say you can really only remember the last dream you had just before waking, forgetting the earlier dreams you have had from your whole sleep.

I think there are obvious underlying themes here, in my current conscious state of mind.. :-/

And you thought Hmm I think my kid will like it too.

So you buy it. You bring it home to your kid(s). You give it to them. They go “WAAaah! Thank you Daddee” and proceed to play with it not the way you’d like it to be!

I have had toys, stationaries, cards, even my own toys, not played with “properly” (“properly” in this context is of course relative. What’s a little crashing of the remote helicopter, dirtying of a pair of perfectly white shoes, pressing too hard of the new colour pencils, or even creasing of a nicely made origami??)

I have come to accept that, however much you like the item yourself, and thought your kids might like it too, you have to “surrender” to the fact that they may not think the items is as great as you do, and not cherish or look after it as well as you might yourself!

I have seen the gifts that my parents bring for them after their trip overseas. My mum has bought Caitlin kiddie handbags before. Not that Caitlin trashes them- she does use them and store things in them and carry them around. But after a while, new broom sweeps clean, something new and better comes along and she forgets about this new item.

After giving this some thought, I should make it a point to highlight to them the effort that people have taken, to pick out the gift after giving the kids some consideration (that people are thoughtful of them), the money involved in buying it, and the whole idea of not wasting things.

.. Cos I have just bought them something too

Especially for Caitlin, she will have to readjust to another new school, after having completed the last 3 years in pre-school to start primary schooling this past January- at a new school, new friends, new syllabus- new everything. When she comes, she will be the new kid in an environment where her peers are no longer unfamiliar like newbies anymore.

I just hope that that will be the only thing she will have to cope with.

I recall during my first year in boarding school in Australia, albeit I was already 15; there was a senior who was, for some reason, watering the lawn outside the dorm. I was walking in his direction to go in. He thought it was funny to raise and aim the hose at me. All I could do was shout “STOP IT”. Through the spray I think I saw him laughing. It didn’t last long- he decided to stop. I didn’t know what to do, could do. I just continued on my way.

There was another time when a girl-classmate did the slanty-eyed thing on her temples and thought it was funny uttering “Look I can’t see through my eyes” to the other schoolmates; who didn’t think it was funny. I Just ignored her. I think she got expelled- she was of that character anyway.

Incidentally, a year after that, a genuine friend actually asked me how I really do see through these eyes! I appreciated his honesty, but I guess he needed a(nother) lesson in eye physiology and the physics of light I don’t think I have small eyes anyway!

So when my kids come, I just hope that adjusting to the new school will be all they need to worry about. I would tend to think that between my time in the mid-80′s to now, kids today are more “multi-cultured” and that if any bullying it wouldn’t be race-based.

That they would only need to find out things that are idiosyncratic to that school. Hmm I used a big word correctly.

It’s quite cool that local schools are starting programs such as this. This article reminded me of what Annie Fox has been writing about bullying. We are not affiliated; I follow her on twitter because she talks about parenting on a professional basis.

I think programs like this is also double-edged in that they probably make a leader out of the older child. The whole “taking care of the new/weak(?)”

Just saying.

Caitlin has completed her pre-school. How it only seemed like yesterday, when she started with them 3 years ago now; and she will be starting primary schooling- Standard (or year) 1 come January 2011.

She’s been attending their orientation for the last 3 weeks; at the good suggestion from the vernacular Mandarin-based school. I still chuckle at the suggestion-letter, stating that it has been their experience that kids these days are more well versed in non-Mandarin language (especially English for kids today, they said) and find starting school in Chinese medium very tough going. I have seen this myself even some 15 years ago now with my nieces and nephews, with their parents saying their teachers were commenting how their kids would space-out in class, due to non-comprehending what was going on and thus getting bored.

Lucky for us, we had enrolled Caitlin in Chinese medium at the last 2 years of this preschool, which has helped tremendously. From what I can tell she has handled this orientation quite well. I think she will do fine when school starts. It’s when they start getting serious that I worry if she can cope with the workload.

Caleb’s vocabulary has improved tremendously this year too. It’s only in the last few months that he has started articulating his words more audibly. That’s not to say it is as good as Caitlin’s when she was his age, but at least for me I can understand him better now. Only now that he has started sharing his thoughts, that we realised that he is actually also quite a keen observer- noting road directions and asking why we aren’t going to a known destination because it’s a different road we are on. His hand eye coordination is definitely way better than Caitlin’s, although both seem to do quite well when it comes to console-type games. On this last one, they are true synonyms of “What latest technology?” (I read about a report with the interviewer, in commenting on how fast tech is moving, asked what kids thought about the “latest technologies”.) The “oldest” tech that these guys are still using may well be the DVD player. No wait, Hot Mummee’s recording of anime still uses the old VCR; at least they are still exposed to “tapes”

I suppose Caitlin demonstrates that girls do grow up (mature) faster. She’s been playing this game on managing a zoo quite well, with me giving some guidance (not that I am a finance / budget guru!) on saving for the future (of buying more land (zoo expansion), new animals and other zoo facilities. As compared to Caleb, Caleb still does not always comprehend the reasonings we give him on why he can / cannot do certain things. I also watched some doco about how or when kids start showing empathy…. Now that I think about it, he could just be cunning in pretending he doesn’t understand this and gets away with it “because he’s still little”!

One big thing that we are still grappling with is that they both must learn to share. Their constant arguments and almost-physical fights are a real worry and annoyance for all concerned. From what I hear and understand about maturity, this is something to “look forward to” for more years to come…

Caitlin has just turned 6, and Caleb will turn 3 in January 2011.

For “all his life” Caleb has been used to coming along to the ride for dropping off Caitlin at her school every schoolday morning (Caleb is 3, and Caitlin has been at preschool for the last 3 years).

He is used to the route (yes he recognises the roads), the scenery on the way and of the front of the school, the teachers who help/walk the kids into the school, and the whole routine of Daddee then taking his time dropping him off at Grandma’s and then only to work.

Now that she is done with preschool, and with Daddee trying still to figure out the optimum way to ferry them around, he will have to stop calling her preschool “my school too”. For strange funny reasons, he does call her preschool his.

Quite adamantly. And for that, I for one have been using that to teach him to stop peeing in his pants. “PEE IN YOUR PANTS AGAIN? You can’t go to school yet then! Children who pee in their pants cannot go to school”, which of course isn’t true from what Caitlin tells me about her classmates!

Anyway, now that we are told to not walk the kids into the school, this may be my answer: Drop off jie-jie first, watch/ensure she does get in safely, then only drive off and drop Caleb at Grandma’s.

This may also allow the kids to sleep even-if-it’s-only 10 minutes longer, seeing as the new route/routine has to cater to longer commute time and traffic challenges.

On Saturday when Caitlin and I were done and leaving for the day, I had made sure again that she knew where to queue upon reaching the school on Monday, and where to wait for only a set list of people to follow home.*

This morning, I had thought to myself that I should at least walk her into the assembly area again, just for both(?) our peace of mind. Gladly the rain had stopped, and that I had decided to drop off Caleb first before heading to the school, with plenty of time to spare.

On a personal level I had wanted to gauge the time taken for everything for Caitlin to be in school on time. Chinese schools, at least in my time, are quite unforgiving when it comes to punctuality; and rightly so. The last thing I want is to be the cause for their lateness- not setting a good example and at the same time being cause of their likely punishment.

We got to the school area around 8:30am, with classes scheduled to start at 9am. After finding a spot to park (eager parents around too!) we finally reached the gate at 8:35am. I asked if Caitlin was okay to walk in alone from here; half hoping that she would still “need” me to come along. OKAY I’M A SOFTIE. She didn’t give me a straight answer, but kept on walking. Part of me was thinking perhaps she didn’t “need” me, either cos she truly was okay, or that she was already embarrassed by her dad at 6! She did after all quite suddenly ask for the routine before-school hug before even reaching the gates.

So I tailed her in towards the assembly area after all, just to be sure, with the usual never-boring side-to-side ponytail swing. At a 90 degree bend, she saw me, smiled, and waited for me to catch up.

I tried to deflect, asking if she knew where to go. She did. Made some small talk along the way. Upon reaching the assembly area, there was already a small crowd. I stood back letting her ahead to join the class-line. I gestured Can I go now?, she gestured back Wait.

Okay, she needs me

Soon, her boy-friend shows up, and they were clowning around already whilst still remaining in line. Then the school bell rings; quite a loud one too by the way- made Caitlin and I slightly-cringe; and the same teacher appeared on stage and greeted the kids, already starting to inculcate the usual manners of lao-shi-zao-an.

The teacher then says to the parents that from tomorrow onwards, “It would appreciated if the parents do not come into the assembly area (or the school at all, for that matter) and just to let the kids queue themselves”; at which time, to my surprise, Caitlin waves goodbye to me.

I nodded, smiled, and waved as I walked away, making sure she at least sees my hand above the heads- that she knows I was indeed leaving.

But as you know, I still hadn’t I just wanted to watch her some more, for whatever reason you want!

Soon though, the respective class teachers came to bring the lines of kids to their classrooms, and off went the ponytail in tow.

Queue before class, and parents!

I think she is well and truly settling in.

* This is after all, the first of such street-smartness that kids ought to know/learn about. In this world where it is no longer safe to be outside, either cos of baddies or simply cos there are just a lot more cars on the road now. I used to cycle around our neighbourhood, unaccompanied, without much worries from anyone.

It is a little pity that immediately after Caitlin’s preschool ends that her enrolled primary school starts their “extra” classes.

I thought it was rather funny when I read the parent-teacher-linked newsletter months ago saying that it has been their experience that a lot of new school children who start standard 1 in Chinese schools would have trouble understanding everything being in Mandarin; that they are all too fluent in English instead. In my days, the “problem” was that everyone spoke too much Cantonese instead of the mandatory on-campus language of Mandarin. Then again this was already the case with my nieces and nephews. Had heard stories about nieces quickly finding new friends based hearing English being spoken nearby.

Pity: That as her preschool ends (like all other schools) this school had scheduled an orientation-like day on the next day, Saturday. This was also kinda fun for Caitlin to be all decked out in full primary school gear. I am glad she was finding this more exciting/nervous than with the feeling of dread. I just hope this euphoria lasts through the whole 3 weeks following this, and into school proper too.

These classes are designed for the newbies to get acquainted with Mandarin by the time the school terms starts properly in January 2011. Secretly, I am so glad that we had sent Caitlin to at least 2 years of Mandarin medium in preschool. Though she is not altogether that fluent, she more than gets by.

This was witnessed early on the Saturday. Upon finding out which class she belongs, we asked her to wait by the respective sign waiting for 9am to come by. In the meantime, as more parents and kids arrive and get into their own lines, Grandma and I sorted out the books and other administrative matters. At 9am, one of the teachers came on stage to make some instructive announcements, for the day; as well as those made by her class teacher later on inside her classroom. Caitlin understood what she had to do.

There were still some more-than-teary eyed kids in the midst. And, as even with adult groups, there were also some clowns

And again, it was good to see her self-confidence. When the teacher was checking if all students knew which class they belonged by asking them to raise their hands based on “Who’s in class ABC/DEF?” She had her hand to ear ready to stick ‘em up high upon her class name being announced. Very seldom did she have to look out for me whilst in line, and when the line started moving towards her classroom, for the first time, in this new environment.

The school designed these classes quite well in some extent. It is actually quite good that by the time school-proper starts, she and her peers would know what to do in terms of waiting areas before and after school, where everything is, had already made friends, and ready to get stuck into the syllabus.

This, is Chinese school. Regimented, disciplined, let’s-get-stuck-into-the-books-ness.

What I didn’t think they had thought through was that since there would be a lot of mainly newbie-parents, that most would not know the layout of the school and what to do once we got there. Though they had stations to sell the text books and last-minute school uniforms, with the former they should have already set aside packs of these, since all the new kids would be requiring the same books. There were already queues by 8:20am when we go there and was still there after noon when the classes ended.

I had to duck out sending Grandma home, and recess was nearly over when I got back to the school. I was half worried I’d not find her in the big campus before they had to be back in class. Walked past the canteen to her classroom and she wasn’t there, checked her bag and at least knew that she knew to bring her sandwich along for a snack. Walked back to the canteen and glad to spot her from afar. Caitlin had already quickly made a boy-friend. I suspect it was ‘cos he speaks English

Then again I would think that those who are (whose parents think) already fluent in Mandarin probably don’t need these prepatory classes.

Monday, is when her 3-weeks begins. I have a nagging suspicion that the school is using this time to evaluate them to then properly assign them to different classes based on the different levels.

And as with tradition with her school, the annual concert is also the graduation ceremony for the Pre-3 level; one that is for those turning 6, those who then move on to start Primary or Standard 1 next year.

*GULP*. But we’ll come to that at a later date; she starts Standard 1 in January 2011.

The concert went well. Caitlin’s class had 2 performances- one to kick off the concert, another towards the end. The kick-off was akin to cheerleading, where they did a series of tumbles and mini-pyramids. Yup, even I was impressed with the little bodies supporting other bodies. Mind you they probably chose her to be a “pillar” cos of her slight chubbiness.. more stability?

It was at this performance that during one of the tumbles, Caitlin’s shoe came off! This is a new pair, you know them white ones you wear to school. The school insisted upon it, which in hindsight wasn’t an unfair “demand” considering all these kids ought to already have a pair soon for Standard 1 next year. But more importantly, I guess, was that they all looked very neat on stage in full uniform(ity).

On the shoe coming off, todate (some 2 weeks after already, after I have also already made DVD copies to watch) we still talk about that episode.

We had praised her for her rather quick thinking in spite of possibly experiencing stage-fright at the time. As evidenced while watching the DVD afterwards, she had commented that after putting the shoe back on and getting back in line, she had thought to adjust the shoe’s straps, as well as that of the other shoe. She didn’t panic when it came off, completed her tumble, slipped it back on, got off the mat and into line, and then only adjusted her shoes. There were other performers who froze on stage, by just being on stage.

But the “highlight” of this incident is that somewhere along the way, our efforts to get her to not be so ashamed of mistakes and to laugh it off, has paid off- at least for this incident. Instead of mulling over this mishap and “don’t laugh at me!”, she laughed at herself

“Look look LOOK!” she would tell whomever may be watching the first time, or even the 50th time, “See my shoe come off?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So funny right?”

My baby is all grown up..

As you can see, them shoes are indeed rather big! But they grow so fast….

And as you can also see, her previous post’s injury is now all gone.

I had not been inside before despite it being opened for years now, boasting the world’s largest indoor roller coaster. So what better opportune to bring the kids along.

We got there, saw and greeted kau-foo, got the free passes, and disappeared! How rude!

One of the rides that Caitlin had eagerly wanted to try was the bumper car. She had tried this once before when we went to Genting Highlands; where she froze upon the cars starting and other riders started to bump into her (read it here).

This time however, I guess she knew the objective of the ride, and wasn’t too miffed about being bumped into as much. However, whilst driving she was actually avoiding everyone as much as she could! I guess this was her first driving lesson, and not a bad one at that- I was watching her and she was avoiding “cars” quite well

Little brother Caleb however, I guess was going through what his jie-jie was going through on her first time. He wasn’t sure what to make of this. I could see he was hanging on (but not for dear life, probably cos he doesn’t know what to worry!) and looking everywhere. Perhaps he was getting motion sickness in that he wasn’t in control of the direction, and also the jerking whiplash stop-starting of the car.

When jie-jie wanted to go on it again, he opted out So we went on the train ride again

I think in all she went like 4 times

No, I am talking about an iPhone game that Caitlin has taken to.

It is called Tap Zoo.

So why am I talking about this?

I am quite glad I stumbled upon this game, actually.

A little like SimCity, the game presents an empty plot, which is actually an island, and Caitlin has some “capital” to play with to start building her zoo. Starting with small animals, Caitlin quickly learned that she cannot start spending too quickly (budget) on other animals and infrastructure, and has to wait (patience) for these small animals to earn (income) money when visitors come visit her zoo. As her earnings build (savings) only then can she start buying more expensive things.

I have tried to coach her on spending wisely on “more important” things, like building proper pavements, not needing too many rangers and keepers yet, etc, but I don’t think she gets those yet. Looks like town planning or architecture isn’t going to be something she will grow up to be You can see her poor attempt at building a footpath there! I have also tried to explain to her that selling those items does not get her back the same amount she paid the first time, that she had better planned it all first instead of buying and then selling it back at a loss.

Still, the game “plays by itself” in that it is saved over the cloud, and when she comes back to it later her income actually would have grown. So, recently she has been letting it earn her money, and quoting me her savings

Now that’s passive income! I should harp on this to her and make her think about “investing” in things that generate income without much effort.

Heh.

Hot Mummee and the two kids sent me to KL Sentral to catch the express train. It was just going to be a quick drive-by drop-off.

I gave HM a hug and kiss, hopped out the car while Caitlin climbed infront to take over the front seat; gave her a hug and kiss too, and did the same with Caleb in his child-seat in the back, whilst half-ignoring his “(wanna get out and) walk-walk, walk-walk“.

Walked across the driveway waving to them as they waved back and pulled away.

Soon afterwards I was already on the express train. HM called to see if I was.

She then told me that as they were pulling away Caitlin asked for a photo of me so that she can look at it to remember me with.

Awww….

HM suggested to Caitlin to look at our wedding photos instead; of which there are a few around our home. Apparently Caitlin screwed her nose at this idea…

Why?

HM thinks it’s because she is in them!