Caleb turned 2 this January. But this post isn’t about him.

Last night I smacked Caitlin- the grab-her-arm-so-she-can’t-run-away smack; the night before Hot Mummee smacked her too.

I have had long car-ride talks with her about being the big sister to Caleb- [...]]]> Dr Pixie warned before that children reaching 2 will start to push the envelope with you.

Caleb turned 2 this January. But this post isn’t about him.

Last night I smacked Caitlin- the grab-her-arm-so-she-can’t-run-away smack; the night before Hot Mummee smacked her too.

I have had long car-ride talks with her about being the big sister to Caleb- she snatches from him, does dangerous leaps; how he looks up to her and mimics her not knowing right from wrong yet; and so, telling her that what he does is generally her fault (on this I had clearly highlighted both the good things he mimics as well as the bad things).

But last night she was just plainly defying me.

Hot Mummee says I have always been too lenient: I believe in a couple of warnings first. Last night she was pounding an inverted empty raisin tin like a drum with some of her colour pencils, her brother copying her. After repeated and increasingly stern pleas and warnings to stop “Because it’s noisy and you will break the pencils inside..”, she still went on with it. I took it away. She went to get it back. I took it away again out of reach.

Then she started playing with her plastic childrens-table, turning it upside down and crawling under it pretending to be a tunnel, her brother copying her, when he has already cleaned up in pj’s ready for bed. Pleas turned into warnings, not heeded again.

“I said no!”

” I said yes!”

I flipped: CHASED and grabbed her arm and whipped-smacked the back of her thigh.

She bawled. It stung my fingers for a while, which I am sure was the same on her fleshy thigh. I didn’t regret it. Repeated warnings warranted it.

“Don’t you talk back to me!” and reminded her about the earlier two let-go’s before I flipped.

And here’s the potential tear jerker:
Why are you more happy with di-di (younger brother) than with me??

Fine tight rope act and speech required here.

After insisting that she calmed down, I explained; as had Hot Mummee the night before. “We love you both the same, but you just plainly do not listen!“, “.. he listens to us..”, “..but he copies what you do, especially the bad things..”, “.. at 2 he is already very polite..” etc.

Sigh.

She is a smart kid. Quite bright, observant (that’s obvious from above), and at present somewhat requiring lots of guidance. We work fulltime, Grandma can only do so much. She is still okay with her studies, but it is this kinda in-discipline that is preventing her to start being able to read, at 5-turning-6 age.

Sometimes when I make a passing remark, opinion, upcoming event or plans, Caitlin would [...]]]> So how many of us realise; and how often do we remind ourselves, that whatever we do, say, behave, respond to situations, treat our own loved ones and other fellow human beings, we are being watched by the little kids around us?

Sometimes when I make a passing remark, opinion, upcoming event or plans, Caitlin would recount it hours later asking for clarification. For example, there is an upcoming party for one of our cousin’s buck’s night party, so the kids will have to crash at Grandma’s for that evening. Hot Mummee called up Grandma to tell her of this plan. Caitlin was within earshot (and conducted in Cantonese even). She asked me about it later, why we have to make her sleep over at Grandma’s.

Yes she understood the whole arrangement and asked about the event; when we didn’t think her Cantonese was even that good!

My point is, we are their one and only role model in their still-little universe. As they see how Mummee and Daddee behave, as adults, and especially as a couple, they will slowly and surely subconsciously form the opinion that this is the way an adult, and a couple is supposed to behave.

Sure, we hold our tongues when we are about to cuss something that pisssed us right off, make sure we either change the channel or that they aren’t around when inappropriate tv-content comes on, but what about everyday behaviour? The way we drive, cuss at other drivers (if one is so inclined), jump queue? (I get asked this by Caitlin sometimes, but luckily I am a patient driver and I explain to her that there is no queue, merely changing lanes; HM on the other hand….

Our parents are the first couple-role model in our lives. I “realised” this when I was reading a self-help book many years ago when I was personally going through some difficult times- I believe the book is called Conscious Loving. From there, one can either choose to emulate, or go almost-opposite against, what they see of this model couple. I guess, in looking around, there are those who don’t realise this, and kinda almost emulate this model couple later in their adult life. I am generalising here, but folks with broken-family backgrounds tend to have similar relationships or choose not to commit. On a less serious level, families that speak very casually and loudly, almost rudely to their elders, tend to “spawn” the same type of behaviour in their kids.

Just somethings I have been casually thinking about lately, as a parent…..

So how do you behave in front of the “younglings”?

* Sorry, this is the first photo I used for this blog that isn’t originally mine! Courtesy of www.makemymood.com

Caitlin has some holiday homework to do for the week off school, from (as far as I can see- gotta check her bag/books) 3 subjects of English, Malay and Chinese. Each of them have a date on the homework pages for respective dates of the week- [...]]]> School kids nationwide are on holidays from this weekend on.

Caitlin has some holiday homework to do for the week off school, from (as far as I can see- gotta check her bag/books) 3 subjects of English, Malay and Chinese. Each of them have a date on the homework pages for respective dates of the week- yes, the teachers are pacing the kids so that they have homework each of the holidays.

Hot Mummee and I are of the opinion that Caitlin, whilst it’s a lazy-ish Saturday afternoon, that she can do as much of them as she can, even to have them all completed. Caitlin on the other hand, quite vehemently objects, saying that she should follow the pace that the teachers have set, to listen to what the teachers have told the class.

HM herself thinks that Caitlin is just being lazy, whereas I was seated beside her surfing whilst she was quite happily completing the homework that was set for the first few days- so I know she isn’t lazy per se.

What would you do? I kinda respect Caitlin’s respect for what the teachers have said, despite also somewhat agreeing with HM’s rationale to complete her homework early in the holidays.

Showed him the tongue action of his jie-jie

He immediately copied what he saw!

And by the way, having the radio going all [...]]]> I was showing Caleb some of the videos I have taken; he does seem to like watching them too, and I kinda condone it ‘cos I remind him of who everyone is especially the relatives.

Showed him the tongue action of his jie-jie

He immediately copied what he saw!

And by the way, having the radio going all the time while I drive, Caitlin has taken a liking to this currently popular song.

From a personal perspective, a great deal of how I learned English was also from songs, and “breaking down” the lyrics so that I could sing along (I suppose one also has to like music and singing to learn English this way, even if it’s only in the shower!) So, I found this YouTube clip while I was looking online for the lyrics for Caitlin to sing along too, as well.

My little girl is bobbing like she’s in a moshpit now; well, gentle bobs anyway. Maybe I should have left it for her to work out the lyrics herself too?

One of the comics that sticks in my head is Peanuts: Charlie Brown & Snoopy, Linus & his [...]]]> Being the youngest I grew up with books and some comics already in the house (as well as contemporary music like The Carpenters, some Beatles, Glen Campbell, John Denver… Oh my I’m scaring myself while I list this)

One of the comics that sticks in my head is Peanuts: Charlie Brown & Snoopy, Linus & his security blanket, characters whose heads are way too big for their bodies.

I guess it’s not just the Peanuts specifically- I think in all comics & cartoons that, whenever a character is concentrating on a task, be it while writing, drawing, cutting, etc, that the character is drawn with his/her tongue out, as if in the midst of licking the upper lip. It seems like a universally accepted comic-body-language.

I have always wondered about this, even consciously stuck my tongue out hoping that my homework, drawing, whatever, would turn out nicer or better than usual. It didn’t work.

Then, I saw this only last night.

If you stick your tongue out, your work isn’t necessarily going to be good. But if you concentrate on the task at hand, the tongue comes out.

Try it.

Sorry for the quality of these photos. They are actually still frames from a video that I took of Caitlin’s tongue action with my iPhone- I freeze-framed these shots and screen captured them.

No I haven’t played them back to her yet. Hot Mummee just suggested that I do, and highlight this to her before she gets older and where kids are mean!

Her “skills” in improvising seems to have extended into her homework.

See, they are teaching her “long” vowels, like school, food, [...]]]> With a lack of toys and an abundance of imagination, Caitlin has had to improvise and make pretend toys to spend (some of) her days. Yes I am a pathetic parent letting my kid endure this.

Her “skills” in improvising seems to have extended into her homework.

See, they are teaching her “long” vowels, like school, food, or, feel, reel, and using a different coloured pencil for these vowels.

You guessed it. In her homework she had decided to first write the letters of the same pencil, and then literally fill in the blanks with the coloured pencil for the vowels.

I guess it gets the job done, I just hope that she will still end up learning the actual word and not finding more efficient ways to complete her writing!

No, I didn’t tell Hot Mummee about this… She may well get Caitlin to redo the whole thing!

I have mentioned before about Caitlin’s creative streak. When we are at home just chilling and the kids are watching the idiot box, Caitlin would actually “multitask” and do some handicraft, using the scrap A4 papers that HM and I bring home from the office. [...]]]> I am in kinda stressed frame of mind at the moment

I have mentioned before about Caitlin’s creative streak. When we are at home just chilling and the kids are watching the idiot box, Caitlin would actually “multitask” and do some handicraft, using the scrap A4 papers that HM and I bring home from the office.

She’d make her own pretend mobile phone, camera, toll card, baton (I think she means the wand that an orchestra conductor uses), just last weekend it was a walkie-talkie. She’d get me to play along sometimes using the corresponding walkie-talkie, be the toll plaza / booth, or she’d just draw something; lately it’s the not-so-surprising-for-her-age family “portrait” complete with Daddee having blue hair and as stick-figure skinny as he’d wished he was.

She has an interest in this art stuff, just like Daddee… okay she does acknowledge the joke about Daddee’s hair being blue, so it’s not really a talent gone awry.

Anytime that Playhouse Disney channel shows a 5-minute filler of anything remotely handicrafty or sketchy, she’d head straight for the pile of A4’s and try and repeat what she saw.

So, how do I cultivate this talent, or at least, this interest in her? Our working hours are such that we really only get to see and spend time with her from dinner onwards, and before long it’d be her bedtime already.Otherwise it’s reading with her, either her story picture books or her school books for revision. On weekends, we try and treat the kids by simply visiting my folks, the mall, the pool if Caitlin isn’t still having the sniffles / cough.

Art classes at the shops in the malls and the works that the kids bring home do look impressive, but it’s all assisted and guided in that (I believe) the kids are told what to do. Caitlin does these things all from her own imaginative play. And I don’t want to stifle this flow of imagination and crafts.

But, as Moomykin had suggested in the last blog post, maybe it’s time (dare I say or suggest to the OCD-ed HM??) for Caitlin to start with water colour next??

Here she is making gameboard pieces. She had already cut them up (yes, with grown-up scissors; been at it since last year I think) and here she is decorating them.

I had taken June 8, 9, and 10 off to do something with her, those days (already) being the 2nd week of her 2-week school break. Due to some urgency of needing to quickly setup some stock trading accounts, [...]]]> You can just hear the moans from all the kids around Malaysia this Monday morning, Caitlin’s included.

I had taken June 8, 9, and 10 off to do something with her, those days (already) being the 2nd week of her 2-week school break. Due to some urgency of needing to quickly setup some stock trading accounts, Hot Mummee and I, instead, were in Singapore on Monday and Tuesday. Thinking I could then make it up to Caitlin on Wednesday, she developed a fever. Luckily by Thursday it had subsided, and Friday she was fine.

So on Saturday, we all went up to the Genting Highlands again, seeing as it was gonna only be a daytrip to anywhere at all. We did initially think about going away a few days… but logistics with a 1-year old and other factors kinda dampened that spirit!

Naturally, this was already the second time we took Caitlin there (her 3rd visit, actually. First one was when Yee-Yee was in town when she was probably 2+). She was already gearing to ride that “up-down”up-down” ride again. But either this Daddee was getting a bit old and slow or that this Daddee through the years have become wiser (at least about the weather!) that I decided we should try out the indoor theme park instead.

Her first reactions from only 2 rides “Why is this so slow??” Daddee is kinda glad that Caitlin has his genes. HM’s not into rides and would very likely not join us when the kids are in their teens to venture on rollercoasters- we no doubt we would be “graduating” to bigger and better rides as the kids grow!

Anyway, it did rain outside, so it was just as well we were indoors. Really, the only 2 rides that I could tell she liked were one that Caitlin only just qualified for (otherwise she would be too tall!)- one that is basically a train of cars that looped around a very minor coaster-like track; and the monorail, which looped outside/outdoors; allowing us to confirm that it did indeed rain.

This visit however, we did also bring Caleb along. But he had only just hung with HM and Grandma and Grandpa; only Caitlin and I went to the theme park. HM’s justification would be that it would be too expensive for so many people to go; but it really because she wants to enjoy the buffet at the cafe Besides, someone had to watch over Caleb anyway, who incidentally was apparently sleeping the whole time the adults were munching away at the food!

Thinking this was still something of a waste of school holidays, Sunday afternoon, even if it was really just a simple dinner and the stroll to get some Burger King (!) takeaway for HM, I still brought Caitlin out to The Gardens, as a small treat. We shared a meatball spaghetti thingy from Italiannies Since she again didn’t nap in the afternoon, I was quite happy that she knocked off between 9:30 to 10pm last night, all ready for school

So then, back to topic.

Therefore, this morning as you can imagine, it was all moans and groans. Having been one myself oh-s0-many decades ago, I sympathised with her and sat with her for a while, watching her stretch, rub her eyes, complain.

I don’t wanna go to schooooooooooool….

I don’t wanna go to schooooooooooool…..

This was going on all the way to just before the front of her school. Being slightly behind schedule due to traffic (after all everyone’s going back to school too), I opted to drop her off at school first instead of Caleb at Grandma’s first.

Opened the door for her, helped her with her backpack, knelt down to her level. got my usual kiss, gave her mine, and soon she was trotting off to school again, pony-tail swinging side to side. The usual sight.

I hope her spirit is indeed revived, as I promised her it will when she sees her schoolfriends again this morning.

Taken from today’s The Star list of popular articles.

Sex affair just to spite parents By ANDREW SAGAYAM

KUALA LUMPUR: More underage girls are having sex to get back at their parents for neglecting them.

This startling information was revealed by police who said that the girls had initially claimed [...]]]> I wonder if this happens in other cultures / countries.

Taken from today’s The Star list of popular articles.

Sex affair just to spite parents
By ANDREW SAGAYAM

KUALA LUMPUR: More underage girls are having sex to get back at their parents for neglecting them.

This startling information was revealed by police who said that the girls had initially claimed they were raped but later admitted to have consented to sex with their boyfriends.

Statistics compiled since 2005 showed that the number of girls below 16 years old who are sexually active has been increasing every year.

The study also revealed that an alarming 60% of girls between the ages of 13 and 15 had sex because they “wanted revenge” on their parents. Sex with a girl aged under 16 is classified as statutory rape under the Penal Code.

The girls, largely from urban areas, confessed that they had befriended men as they were angry with their parents for subjecting them to emotional and physical “abuse”.

While some had sex with men just to get back at their parents, others were coerced into it by the very men they had turned to for solace, said Asst Comm Suguram Bibi Munshi Deen, head of the Sexual Abuse and Children’s Division at Bukit Aman.

Noting that teen rape had risen since 2005, she said that the victims – mostly from cities and major towns in Selangor, Johor and Kedah – usually ended up pregnant.

“We are not pointing a finger or exposing the private lives of families but the public must realise what is happening,” said ACP Suguram Bibi.

“Children, teenagers and youths are our future leaders and we as adults, parents or guardians must guide and instil in them right and proper values.”

Statistics from 2005 to 2008 showed 75% of the rape victims were below 18 years old and at least 60% of the girls were below 16. Boys below 18 made up between 8.4% and 13.6% of the “rapists”.

The study also showed that teenagers got bored easily, craved attention or wanted the freedom to express themselves.

ACP Suguram Bibi said parents should educate sons to respect the opposite sex and not take advantage of them.

“We also found that some boys were challenged by their peers and forced to commit sex acts to prove that he was one of the gang and to stop being ridiculed.”

She advised parents to understand the law better and welcomed inquiries from anyone on investigation procedures in sexual assault cases.

While I have always thought and advocated being your (my) children’s good friends rather than being too much of a parent to them, I do recall coming across an article not that long ago saying that befriending one’s child is (still) not a good idea.

I can’t remember the reasons, but I think it was something like: with parenting comes more discipline (than being friends).

Okay, let’s just say then that it should be a mix of the two, that it’s still parenting but that the kids should still feel they can trust me enough to confide in me, that they won’t worry about being implicated / reprimanded for approaching me.

I am of this position because I wasn’t really “friends” with my own parents. Don’t get me wrong they are good parents; just that I felt I couldn’t confide in them. And now that I am a parent and would like to be involved with what my kids do, I want to be involved, at least in the know, of their thought process and patterns, and at least be in the position to be able to advise them of decisions.

What do you put in place when your kids are growing (in whatever age bracket) for both boys and girls in the family?

She also knows her roman numbers already (or do I mean gregorian?? You know- the numbers on your keyboard); proved herself repeatedly in the lift and [...]]]> Caitlin knows her Mandarin counting from 1 – 10, audibly. As in, she can cite it. But give her a break, thus far it’s only in ascending order

She also knows her roman numbers already (or do I mean gregorian?? You know- the numbers on your keyboard); proved herself repeatedly in the lift and (since then) any other places now.

Come time to teach her the Chinese calligraphy of 1 – 10, we stumble.

She can point from 1 – 10 and cite them. Jump in randomly pointing at any calligraphy-number with “What’s this?” and she stumbles.

If they are written in ascending order, and if she knows that they are, she can sometimes get by.

How? She cheats.

It’s quite funny watching a 4 year old citing something in their head, and visually counting without fingers, matching the citing and jump/skipping eye-counting!

At least she thought of that herself!

So how was your weekend?

Mine was fairly interesting.

Saturday morning was when Caitlin’s school scheduled the year’s first parent teacher [...]]]> I started this post earlier, then other things got in the way, such as bring-home-work and kids-needing-Daddee stuff, and Daddee needing sleep stuff so that Daddee can bring more bring-home-work for Hot Mummee to complain about!

So how was your weekend?

Mine was fairly interesting.

Saturday morning was when Caitlin’s school scheduled the year’s first parent teacher meeting; the weekend before the week-long school holiday. After that there was a lunch appointment organised by my dad for my 3 nieces; which my eldest brother didn’t attend. Then, it was all the way to the KL International Airport to send off these kids- I shouldn’t call them that anymore; but which the same brother couldn’t “avoid”, nor be devoid of emotion either (the reason why he skipped lunch).

If you had been “following” since this year, you’d know the story behind why Caitlin jumped Pre-2 and went straight from Pre-1 to Pre-3 pre-school, and to a whole new language medium for her too. At that time we knew that the first parent-teacher meeting would also be time for evaluating this decision and Caitlin’s progress.

Throughout the last couple of months you’d also know that Caitlin had some problem with school. That seemed to be a cause-effect of unfamiliar with a particular teacher’s methods thus lagging behind in her schoolwork, leading to a general but persistent “I don’t wanna go to school” worry for us- this is her second year in school and the whole of last year there were absolutely no problems, right from day 1.

So Hot Mummee and I went to the meeting; being somewhat familiar with the whole event already after last year. Last year it was generally discussions surrounding her motor skills of writing and colouring, not knowing her ABC’s well enough, and generally a stickybeek in class! ie nothing major. This time though, after having seen Caitlin teary about going to school given her almost perfect record last year, we were somewhat weary that perhaps the teachers would have more-than-negative things about the last only 2+ months.

Caitlin has been able to keep up with the older kids and syllabus

We met with the 2 teachers, as usual- last year too we met with the class teacher, and the additional Mandarin-class teacher. This time, since she is actually in a Mandarin medium class, there was no extra class. The teachers were/are the class teacher (who teaches everything in Mandarin) and the Bahasa Malaysia & English teacher.

They both shared the same sentiment, with the latter having only that to share and that Caitlin’s writing needs more practice in that her letters are not uniform in sizes.

I don’t fault her for that, after all she’s only been doing her last-year’s homework in box-lined paper, not horizontal-lined (notes) paper. This is the first time she’s had to write between the lines.

The class teacher, Teacher Rachel however, being the one with the most contact hours with the children and thus closer, had more to share.

She assured us that Caitlin’s slow start to the year has passed now- that she is coping just as well as the others who are up to 2 years older (remember this being Pre-3 when Caitlin ought to be in Pre-2, and that she is a November child).

Caitlin is also the stickybeek that she was, and she is well received by her new-this-year peers, and Caitlin is therefore comfortable, now.

I have to hand it to teachers like Teacher Rachel. These are the rare teachers who genuinely care for their students. In our meeting she was advising how we ought to spend more time with our kids; that Caitlin only mentions me and little of HM. She knows that these are days of double-income households but we should prioritise our time for our kids. She cited Caitlin’s classmate as an example of neglect. The child is somewhat defiant and rude, and not all that close to the parents.

Teacher Rachel also shared how Caitlin’s general development is going. My takeaway from this meeting was largely that Caitlin has adjusted well largely due to Teacher Rachel’s efforts. Caitlin’s peers are aware that she is younger than them. Teacher Rachel has addressed this very well with the class, making them understand that she is in fact younger and sometimes requires a little more attention. Attention in a little less homework, but that HM and I quite quickly suggested otherwise- Caitlin can handle it. Caitlin’s peers have also jointly praised her new jacket (of grey with bright coloured polka dots) with Teacher Rachel (spurred on by her?) making Caitlin very happy showing up in class these days.

This is confirmed when I ask Caitlin if her friends are nice, in trying to ascertain her reasons for “I don’t wanna go to school”. It’s never been about her friends.

The highlight for me was when Teacher Rachel shared her surprise at Caitlin’s maturity just a few days before the meeting:

Caitlin was aware that I had signed the form indicating that we’d be attending this meeting that weekend. At school, she handed the form to Teacher Rachel.

Later, she went up to Teacher Rachel on the pretense of showing her her new pencil case.

“Nice or not?”

“Nice…”

Inches towards Teacher Rachel, elbow to elbow now.

“What are you going to tell my Mummee ah?”

So anyway, that’s why I was kinda rushing the bring-home-work in order to still catch some school-holidays with Caitlin before the week is out…

Oh I will have to come back about the other events of the weekend another time!

And being the cheeky uncle that I am, during times of emailing and IM-ing with her I pressured her highlighting things like “Are [...]]]> I would say that in planning for this event, my niece has had her first taste in project (event?) managing and executing a pretty major event, even if it’s only a family affair.

And being the cheeky uncle that I am, during times of emailing and IM-ing with her I pressured her highlighting things like “Are we on schedule?”, “You do realise that it’s now only seven days till the event”, when we (she) still hadn’t settled on which doorgifts would be best for the occassion / guests, let alone allowing time for the suppliers to come back with a quote and also getting them made!

She’s been frantically visiting the venue, executing the questions we had about where and how the tables will be arranged, sorting the seating by guests, getting her team (of cousins) to memorise the tables to help ushering, where to position the tv / screen (we have a slideshow of photos of last 50+ years), compiling the photos, “do they have wireless mics”, “this doorgift is better than that”, and getting her surprise gift completed, etc.

Yes, she’s done a surprise gift too.

At this juncture, from my own observations I’d say she has experienced at least some of these emotions!

• Some small forms of accomplishment (getting things in order for the event)
• Asking for favours
• Asking authorities (her older relatives) to stick to deadlines!
• Gratitude
• Controlling some (anxiety-related) emotions
• Pressured!
• Can’t please everyone!
• Panic!

Pretty good training just before heading off to uni!

Will let you know how the event goes!

Photos courtesy of my brother’s Flickr collection

Since Saturday was a schoolday (replacements for Chinese New Year long break) we decided to go chat with Teacher Rachel again.

Turns out that Teacher Rachel has [...]]]> Hot Mummee and I had a chat with Caitlin on Thursday night, after I had updated HM (her majesty!) on what’s been going on with Caitlin’s schooling this week year.

Since Saturday was a schoolday (replacements for Chinese New Year long break) we decided to go chat with Teacher Rachel again.

Turns out that Teacher Rachel has already had a word(s) with Teacher Ann; twice in a week in fact.

In a nutshell, Rachel now is having a slight issue broaching this with Ann, because Ann tends to be the sensitive type. Having been told twice in a week already, Rachel thinks it’s best not to highlight her teaching style again so soon….

In the meantime, Caitlin has again seem assured now that both her parents have gone into her school to try and solve her problem. Also, HM has also convinced Caitlin that she should remain in the classroom when Teacher Ann enters for her lessons, and not be tailing Teacher Rachel so much. She has agreed to “comply”, but like all 4 year olds she may succumb to her “fears” again when the time comes.

So this morning on the way in the car, not surprisingly Caitlin starts whining about going to school again. But this time she was complaining about the length of the schoolday itself. I managed to convince her that it is for her own good, because she can use this time (and she does) to complete all her homework, and be free of them when she returns to Grandma’s.

She accepted that, and off to school she went. At least there were no more tears from my “brave girl”.

I shall see how her day in school went today.

I thought I had addressed it with her properly; case closed.

But alas.

Yesterday was the first day back in school after the Chinese New Year week-long break. When Grandpa went to pick her up, apparently he was told by Teacher Rachel something about Caitlin crying earlier.

This morning [...]]]> I didn’t think it would escalate to this point.

I thought I had addressed it with her properly; case closed.

But alas.

Yesterday was the first day back in school after the Chinese New Year week-long break. When Grandpa went to pick her up, apparently he was told by Teacher Rachel something about Caitlin crying earlier.

This morning about halfway during the journey to school, Caitlin started protesting that she didn’t want to go to school. Ever. After realising that the protests was not going anywhere, she “suggested” that she didn’t want to go to school “only today”.

We arrive at the school, and she is starting to get teary eyed. Okay; I am a sook. She is the apple of my eye. I admit for a brief moment the thought of giving in flashed through my mind.

We sat in the car for a few minutes. Me twisting in the front seat straining my bloated mid-section from all the CNY feasts, to rationalise with her in the backseat.

She said something about disliking the teachers walking in and out. Gotta admit I didn’t quite get what she was saying.

She only relented when I promised I’d have a word with Teacher Rachel upstairs.

Up we went, and since we were a little late, Teacher was already starting her lessson. The other kids were already seated. I gestured Caitlin to enter, and motioned for Teacher to come over for a quick chat. Caitlin was of course still very hesitant.

I said in Mandarin that Caitlin had started to “fear” coming to school. Teacher shared that, perhaps from yesterday or the days before the week off, that Caitlin finds comfort in having her (Teacher Rachel) around when Teacher Ann comes in, and when she is teaching. Yes, Teacher Rachel was sitting at the back of the class. She even shared that Caitlin had come/run over to hug her when Teacher Ann came around / came in. She also did say that there were times when she had to go out of the classroom sometimes / visit the admin office etc. I think Caitlin starts getting edgy as soon as she steps out of the classroom.

Teacher Rachel reassured that she’d be present in the classes, for Caitlin’s sake.

I wanted to then leave. Caitlin starts crying, not wanting to let me leave. It was quite hard detaching her off me without really creating a scene; which would only make matters / emotionally worse for her.

It was quite heart wrenching- I know now what parents really feel on first days of school. This, coming from Caitlin who has been going to school all last year without an incident.

Two things I learned.

• Caitlin doesn’t really communicate well at times.
• She doesn’t handle stress very well.

More to come.

Update Thursday 5 Feb

That was yesterday. Caitlin was again distressed this morning.

The “incident” wasn’t as long though, mainly because, well, I didn’t hang around.

We reached the door and Teacher Rachel came out, seemingly already had something in mind to tell me. What she managed to tell me was that Caitlin is (also?) unhappy with the amount of homework she is given; something about Caitlin saying “.. but I have already done this homework- why am I doing / writing this again…?”

Managed, because Caitlin started crying and wanting to hug me again at the door. Teacher Rachel then started ushering her into the class, and I wanted to get out of Caitlin’s sight. Waited for 20 seconds or so, decidedly not to wait anymore if Teacher Rachel was gonna come back out to complete her “analysis” of Caitlin’s frame of mind.

Last night I did ask Caitlin how her school day went, seeing as that was the same morning as the first incident / post. She did offer that school day was okay, no incidents.

She also offered something about “I was paying attention” (and thus I wasn’t scolded, or reprimanded, which seems to be the crux of her issue).

Apparently that may have been the issue- that she wasn’t paying (enough?) attention in class, getting told off for it. I am only guessing this.

That, and perhaps that she (therefore?) did not know how to answer something / do her homework, that she was “scolded” for it.

Maybe in future I will just walk her to the stairs, and refuse her request to walk her to the classroom door… What do you think?

Update 2 – after school today

Teacher Rachel called me out of courtesy. Very nice of her.

I guess she had wanted to finish what she started telling me this morning; possible adding new insights into the situation…

• Indeed, Caitlin (also) thinks that she has too much homework; you will recall that our arrangement for Caitlin this year is that she will be getting extra attention;
• That Teacher Ann does speak / scold loudly, and even though it may not be directed at Caitlin, she seems to take it “personally”;
• That Daddee matters a lot in her life

“Our strategy” now is to re-gain or re-instill Caitlin’s confidence and interest in school, using that last point: Daddee has to show (greater) interest in her schoolwork, justifying the amount that she (complains) has to do, to kinda give praise (positive reinforcement) to her work done.

We will start this tomorrow morning.

It’s going to be interesting this Saturday, given she has replacement school-days because of the week-long Chinese New Year break. Interesting because I will be dropping her off in my non-work clothes, and she is going to complain she still has to go to school!