Caitlin’s English has been pretty good all her almost-7-years life. Thanks mostly to us speaking to her with it, TV and the kiddie movies, and also to an extent the podcasts and online games she plays (no, not those you are thinking- these are just the simple Disney ones / online-extensions of the TV-channel programs).

So when she was here in Melbourne and whenever we went out, I’d try and get her to speak to some people- such as asking for directions, ordering food, etc.

She was apprehensive.

I guess she is aware that she is in another country, in a place where English is generally the first language of the locals.

As a parent I have kinda been conscious to not highlight too much to my kids the difference between people. Sure, in her studies they are already taught the differences between races- Yes, seriously. But I guess Grandma has also been “prepping” her for her journey here, that perhaps she may not be able to understand the Aussie accent, and maybe even that she should learn to speak proper English.

I may be wrong, but I think if Grandma had in fact been doing this, it may have had an adverse effect- the apprehension in Caitlin now.

She clearly did not want to interact. Sure she may not have been as brave in KL but I think she was especially apprehensive here. At one time we were in a local hypermart store and she wanted to check out some toys. I asked her to ask the staff where the toy section is. She blatantly did not want to try. She even offered me: “I don’t understand what they are talking about!”

Back home after shopping, in trying to ease her worries, I thought of this: Since their arrival I had left the TV on ABC’s kids channel. Here they air as much local content as possible. I asked her a simple question: “Do you know and understand what the real people (and sometimes the animated characters) are saying?”

Her answer was a quick and simple Yes.

“So then who said you don’t understand Australian English?”

I have studied, lived and worked in Australia before. I grew up in Malaysia, and spent my developing late-teen years here.

In individualistic ways, I am a minority. Having obtained secondary and tertiary education here and having worked on both shores put me a unique position- of outlook, experience, cultural and language backgrounds. These are perhaps the qualities that past immigration policies stressed on when they look at multicultural policies and also during attempts to address the skills shortage and its ageing population, in the competitive (now comparative?) global markets.

But I am not getting into politics here.

I can therefore speak a few languages and Chinese dialects as a result- I always tell people that one of the “given” advantages of an ethnic Chinese growing up in an Asian city is that one would automatically pick up at least one dialect. In KL it is the widely spoken Cantonese, Penang would be the local flavour of Hokkien, Malacca would be Mandarin, etc., without actually needing to attend a vernacular school (but which I did- thanks mum In Singapore ethnic kids are required to also take on their respective mother-tongue as a language subject, on top of English.

But as you have rightly guessed, I am now wondering what my children will be like when they are growing up here, eventually.

In a lot of ways, I don’t want them to be “typical”. Not using myself as a model, I do wish for them to be upstanding unique citizens. I know all parents want these for their kids too, but if you take me and HM in this context- we are different in the local context; and I am looking at this in an optimistic light.

But what about the kids? They are still young, and will still be when they move here and be just another “product” of the local system.

Of course, this is almost-literally two sides of the same coin: They too would be a product of that system over there.

So then we come back to the original question: Am I doing the right thing for the kids? Am I doing this for selfish reasons of my own preference for wanting to live here, and thus “dragging” them along without the maturity and knowledge to offer their own opinions and preference too?

At this stage I can only offer that what will shape them to be un-typical would be our methods and values in raising them in the local environment. Yes I am generalising here, but I would wonder how many (“young”? parents out there have the kinds of background that HM and I have? A few, but not many, I would think.

And if I sound arrogant, I am not. I am looking out for my kids given what tools I have for this job.

Especially for Caitlin, she will have to readjust to another new school, after having completed the last 3 years in pre-school to start primary schooling this past January- at a new school, new friends, new syllabus- new everything. When she comes, she will be the new kid in an environment where her peers are no longer unfamiliar like newbies anymore.

I just hope that that will be the only thing she will have to cope with.

I recall during my first year in boarding school in Australia, albeit I was already 15; there was a senior who was, for some reason, watering the lawn outside the dorm. I was walking in his direction to go in. He thought it was funny to raise and aim the hose at me. All I could do was shout “STOP IT”. Through the spray I think I saw him laughing. It didn’t last long- he decided to stop. I didn’t know what to do, could do. I just continued on my way.

There was another time when a girl-classmate did the slanty-eyed thing on her temples and thought it was funny uttering “Look I can’t see through my eyes” to the other schoolmates; who didn’t think it was funny. I Just ignored her. I think she got expelled- she was of that character anyway.

Incidentally, a year after that, a genuine friend actually asked me how I really do see through these eyes! I appreciated his honesty, but I guess he needed a(nother) lesson in eye physiology and the physics of light I don’t think I have small eyes anyway!

So when my kids come, I just hope that adjusting to the new school will be all they need to worry about. I would tend to think that between my time in the mid-80′s to now, kids today are more “multi-cultured” and that if any bullying it wouldn’t be race-based.

That they would only need to find out things that are idiosyncratic to that school. Hmm I used a big word correctly.

It’s quite cool that local schools are starting programs such as this. This article reminded me of what Annie Fox has been writing about bullying. We are not affiliated; I follow her on twitter because she talks about parenting on a professional basis.

I think programs like this is also double-edged in that they probably make a leader out of the older child. The whole “taking care of the new/weak(?)”

Just saying.

I hadn’t watched it before, and it was already running when I got out of the shower. SPOILER WARNING: I am going to talk about the ending of the movie below.

I have kinda always had a dog in my life. When my older brother did well in his mid-high school exams, our dad honoured his promise of a reward with an Alsation pup. I would have been around 8 then.

He was a great dog. I gotta admit we weren’t the most “mature” in our methods of disciplining him, but we did give him a home, played with him, trained him. In return he was obedient and loyal. The only time he wasn’t obedient was when he needed to satisfy urges to run out of the house compound, and needed lots of coaxing to come home. I believe there was even once when he went out without our knowledge, and was found waiting outside our gate; presumably all satisfied with his outing and thought it was time to go home

He was eventually put down. He was about 13 years old, which means he would have been 90 dog-years old. He was just too weak physically as well as with his immunity, and started to develop some skin and ear problems.

It was my brother and I who brought him to the vet. We weren’t strangers to the vet; been taking him there for similar problems already. The vet had told us off a few times of “neglect”, but he also knew that dogs of this breed would be hard to maintain in the tropical climate.

That last visit, when we brought him in, the vet’s tone changed when we agreed that perhaps it was time.

Dog lovers all in the room.

The scene in Marley and Me was very similar. My brother and I just held Alley as he slowly slipped away. I recall I was patting him, uttering “it’s okay” quietly. Stroking his still fluffy mane, comforting him. He had never liked the vet or the clinic, and would put up a fight when the vet came near. He was putting up a fight again when the vet gave the dose, but the fight slowly slipped away too. I hoped he heard my last words too.

The car ride home with my brother was just silence.

I am writing this because of an immediately earlier scene in the movie.

The kids in the movie was saying goodbye to Marley at home, just before he was taken to the vet; when everyone kinda already knew he wouldn’t be returning.

I am writing this because where I am now (alone away from home in a friend’s house) they have a dog; probably not that much smaller than Marley. Harley is a black dog, similar line of the labradors. My friends got him from a pound when he would have been about around 2 years old. They are not sure of his breed either.

In watching that goodbye-at-home scene, I found myself wondering what it would be like if my own family had a dog. The kids would be about the same ages even though I only have two. I believe the kids would grow to love the dog like I did Alley, and would have assumed the dog to (almost) be part of the family. And, how they would react when the dog was dying.

Or how to handle impending death.

This same older brother of mine had/have other dogs since Alley. Shadow, a doberman (by choice due to a shorter coat!) was hit by a car a few years ago, and had to be put down too. Shadow was in his prime; a champion-of-the-class dog who was also of very good temperament. I had followed my older brother to a few of their obedient classes, and had watched him graduate as champ of the class. I recall I was at my inlaws’ having dinner, and broke down when my brother called to tell me the news.

His kids were pretty distraught too.

They now have another doberman, Kaiser, and a beagle Yoshi. Similarly I had followed Kaiser to dog classes; and rest assured we now know how to handle dogs “maturely”, so Kaiser also responds to my calls. My kids see how friendly I am with the dogs, and vice versa. If it weren’t for Hot Mummee around, I would let the kids interact more than just touch their noses. Caleb is the braver of my two kids, venturing to stroke the big black menacing looking dog.

I don’t know if I will eventually also have a dog in my family. I know I wouldn’t let him into the house, but at least whether I’d have one. I know the kids would be inclined to one, just a matter of whether HM would also be okay with it.

Nah, she won’t.

Kaiser the 2nd champion doberman

Yoshi the not-so-trained yapper!

Photos taken from my brother’s collection.

After all, it is about time she learns how to manage her own time and implications of otherwise. I have already gotten her a desk clock which she out-of-blue asked for a few weeks ago, which I gladly did. I think she saw it in some tv show and thought it’d be cool (from a 6 year old’s perspective of “cool”) to also have one of her own.

She was quite specific about it too. She insisted that it had to “be pink, have hands, and also ears”. I wasn’t sure if she had seen it in a cartoon and thus unlikely to exist in real life. So I had drawn it to be sure we had the same understanding.

We did.

It’s not exactly a very precise alarm clock; it does ring, plus/minus 20 minutes either way of the alarm setting hand! I also couldn’t find one with all the numbers of the clock, for a clock that (smallish) size.

But back to the topic at hand.

Now that she is “orientating” for standard 1, a timely opportunity for her to start getting into some kinda independence in terms of getting things done in time, and being on time.

So I didn’t disagree with Grandma getting her a wrist watch.

It is just that if it were me; and I did think it would be me, that I would get her one with hands. Admittedly we didn’t consult each other on this purchase, or even the intention of the purchase.

On Saturday when Caitlin and I were done and leaving for the day, I had made sure again that she knew where to queue upon reaching the school on Monday, and where to wait for only a set list of people to follow home.*

This morning, I had thought to myself that I should at least walk her into the assembly area again, just for both(?) our peace of mind. Gladly the rain had stopped, and that I had decided to drop off Caleb first before heading to the school, with plenty of time to spare.

On a personal level I had wanted to gauge the time taken for everything for Caitlin to be in school on time. Chinese schools, at least in my time, are quite unforgiving when it comes to punctuality; and rightly so. The last thing I want is to be the cause for their lateness- not setting a good example and at the same time being cause of their likely punishment.

We got to the school area around 8:30am, with classes scheduled to start at 9am. After finding a spot to park (eager parents around too!) we finally reached the gate at 8:35am. I asked if Caitlin was okay to walk in alone from here; half hoping that she would still “need” me to come along. OKAY I’M A SOFTIE. She didn’t give me a straight answer, but kept on walking. Part of me was thinking perhaps she didn’t “need” me, either cos she truly was okay, or that she was already embarrassed by her dad at 6! She did after all quite suddenly ask for the routine before-school hug before even reaching the gates.

So I tailed her in towards the assembly area after all, just to be sure, with the usual never-boring side-to-side ponytail swing. At a 90 degree bend, she saw me, smiled, and waited for me to catch up.

I tried to deflect, asking if she knew where to go. She did. Made some small talk along the way. Upon reaching the assembly area, there was already a small crowd. I stood back letting her ahead to join the class-line. I gestured Can I go now?, she gestured back Wait.

Okay, she needs me

Soon, her boy-friend shows up, and they were clowning around already whilst still remaining in line. Then the school bell rings; quite a loud one too by the way- made Caitlin and I slightly-cringe; and the same teacher appeared on stage and greeted the kids, already starting to inculcate the usual manners of lao-shi-zao-an.

The teacher then says to the parents that from tomorrow onwards, “It would appreciated if the parents do not come into the assembly area (or the school at all, for that matter) and just to let the kids queue themselves”; at which time, to my surprise, Caitlin waves goodbye to me.

I nodded, smiled, and waved as I walked away, making sure she at least sees my hand above the heads- that she knows I was indeed leaving.

But as you know, I still hadn’t I just wanted to watch her some more, for whatever reason you want!

Soon though, the respective class teachers came to bring the lines of kids to their classrooms, and off went the ponytail in tow.

Queue before class, and parents!

I think she is well and truly settling in.

* This is after all, the first of such street-smartness that kids ought to know/learn about. In this world where it is no longer safe to be outside, either cos of baddies or simply cos there are just a lot more cars on the road now. I used to cycle around our neighbourhood, unaccompanied, without much worries from anyone.

It is a little pity that immediately after Caitlin’s preschool ends that her enrolled primary school starts their “extra” classes.

I thought it was rather funny when I read the parent-teacher-linked newsletter months ago saying that it has been their experience that a lot of new school children who start standard 1 in Chinese schools would have trouble understanding everything being in Mandarin; that they are all too fluent in English instead. In my days, the “problem” was that everyone spoke too much Cantonese instead of the mandatory on-campus language of Mandarin. Then again this was already the case with my nieces and nephews. Had heard stories about nieces quickly finding new friends based hearing English being spoken nearby.

Pity: That as her preschool ends (like all other schools) this school had scheduled an orientation-like day on the next day, Saturday. This was also kinda fun for Caitlin to be all decked out in full primary school gear. I am glad she was finding this more exciting/nervous than with the feeling of dread. I just hope this euphoria lasts through the whole 3 weeks following this, and into school proper too.

These classes are designed for the newbies to get acquainted with Mandarin by the time the school terms starts properly in January 2011. Secretly, I am so glad that we had sent Caitlin to at least 2 years of Mandarin medium in preschool. Though she is not altogether that fluent, she more than gets by.

This was witnessed early on the Saturday. Upon finding out which class she belongs, we asked her to wait by the respective sign waiting for 9am to come by. In the meantime, as more parents and kids arrive and get into their own lines, Grandma and I sorted out the books and other administrative matters. At 9am, one of the teachers came on stage to make some instructive announcements, for the day; as well as those made by her class teacher later on inside her classroom. Caitlin understood what she had to do.

There were still some more-than-teary eyed kids in the midst. And, as even with adult groups, there were also some clowns

And again, it was good to see her self-confidence. When the teacher was checking if all students knew which class they belonged by asking them to raise their hands based on “Who’s in class ABC/DEF?” She had her hand to ear ready to stick ‘em up high upon her class name being announced. Very seldom did she have to look out for me whilst in line, and when the line started moving towards her classroom, for the first time, in this new environment.

The school designed these classes quite well in some extent. It is actually quite good that by the time school-proper starts, she and her peers would know what to do in terms of waiting areas before and after school, where everything is, had already made friends, and ready to get stuck into the syllabus.

This, is Chinese school. Regimented, disciplined, let’s-get-stuck-into-the-books-ness.

What I didn’t think they had thought through was that since there would be a lot of mainly newbie-parents, that most would not know the layout of the school and what to do once we got there. Though they had stations to sell the text books and last-minute school uniforms, with the former they should have already set aside packs of these, since all the new kids would be requiring the same books. There were already queues by 8:20am when we go there and was still there after noon when the classes ended.

I had to duck out sending Grandma home, and recess was nearly over when I got back to the school. I was half worried I’d not find her in the big campus before they had to be back in class. Walked past the canteen to her classroom and she wasn’t there, checked her bag and at least knew that she knew to bring her sandwich along for a snack. Walked back to the canteen and glad to spot her from afar. Caitlin had already quickly made a boy-friend. I suspect it was ‘cos he speaks English

Then again I would think that those who are (whose parents think) already fluent in Mandarin probably don’t need these prepatory classes.

Monday, is when her 3-weeks begins. I have a nagging suspicion that the school is using this time to evaluate them to then properly assign them to different classes based on the different levels.

No, I am talking about an iPhone game that Caitlin has taken to.

It is called Tap Zoo.

So why am I talking about this?

I am quite glad I stumbled upon this game, actually.

A little like SimCity, the game presents an empty plot, which is actually an island, and Caitlin has some “capital” to play with to start building her zoo. Starting with small animals, Caitlin quickly learned that she cannot start spending too quickly (budget) on other animals and infrastructure, and has to wait (patience) for these small animals to earn (income) money when visitors come visit her zoo. As her earnings build (savings) only then can she start buying more expensive things.

I have tried to coach her on spending wisely on “more important” things, like building proper pavements, not needing too many rangers and keepers yet, etc, but I don’t think she gets those yet. Looks like town planning or architecture isn’t going to be something she will grow up to be You can see her poor attempt at building a footpath there! I have also tried to explain to her that selling those items does not get her back the same amount she paid the first time, that she had better planned it all first instead of buying and then selling it back at a loss.

Still, the game “plays by itself” in that it is saved over the cloud, and when she comes back to it later her income actually would have grown. So, recently she has been letting it earn her money, and quoting me her savings

Now that’s passive income! I should harp on this to her and make her think about “investing” in things that generate income without much effort.

Heh.

Last night on a quick visit for some fresh milk I thought that a pack of Ribena sweets was okay for her. It was in a shiny packaging anyway; she didn’t miss it either. If the packaging is to be trusted it does contain vitamin C after all (or am I a marketers sucker-dream come true?)

So this morning on the way out to school and grandma’s respectively I was helping make sure that she does bring it along to school. Since the pack of 20 itself is rather large and didn’t quite fit into Caitlin’s uniform pocket, she passed it to me to carry in my shirt pocket.

Caleb saw.

That jie-jie was carrying something must be something I’d want too.

That she insisted Daddee carry it must be something I’d want too.

That is was also shiny must be something I’d want too…

“I WAAANT!”

This is where Hot Mummee’s complaints about my being biased may be justified. I didn’t want him to have one now because he’d just woken up. He hadn’t had anything to drink yet (water) let alone his morning milk- to have candy as “breakfast” or at least the first thing to eat isn’t quite an activity or habit I’d like to instil in the kids.

So what did Daddee say to discourage him?

Infront of Caitlin, I said to Caleb: “It’s medicine..”

Yikes.

She’d never questioned me at all or smirked at me. But I think I had done a bad thing. I could have said he could have one after his milk and insisted jie-jie shared one with him. But I didn’t. I could have simply said “Later” too, but I didn’t.

So now, Caitlin has learned a “skill” that I didn’t want her to know yet. She may well start applying this to other areas to fool us too, with the topic or severity growing as she does.

Oops.

Will standard 1 also have gym class? (Like she has now in preschool)

What about when you were in standard 2, 3, 6, Daddee?

Gym, computer class, and the short swimming lesson, are weekly lessons that she looks forward to in school now, that I know of. I just hope that when she starts the Chinese vernacular school next year at a proper primary school level, that she will remain as enthused about school as she is now.

Probably because she is doing alright in her schooling and the social side of it. It’s no surprise that schooling will only be fun or at least tolerable when these main things are going well for kids, at any age.

Personally I have been through Chinese primary schooling. It wasn’t easy in that “capital punishment” was enforced, particularly when I wasn’t such a good kid to begin with But I hear that it has since gotten tougher- that the workload has increased, and also that kids are better “protected” by their parents.

On the latter, in my day we were kinda on our own. If you were caned, you were caned for the right reasons. These days, I hear about parents turning up in schools protesting about “abuses” from their kids’ disciplinary actions. My view? These kids will learn that they can get away with more things now, ‘cos the school “fears” disciplining them. And where there are naughty kids, there will also be bullies. By boys and girls.

And on the former, I also hear of stories where kids can’t even complete their homework by bedtime…

I worry about these negative effects that may deter my kids from wanting to go to school to learn and socialise; especially when my kids seem to exhibit traits of strong-headed-ness. On the one hand they may be immune from bullies, and be popular instead, but of course these have to be from the right reasons….

It is as parents that we ensure they are. And for them to have something to look forward to all the time, at home and at school.

That means I gotta think of something for them to do this weekend!

Chief among the things that Teacher Rachel told me was that Caitlin is among the popular kids in her only-15-student class.

It’s not surprising really. Caitlin makes friends very easily. She approaches humans her height, greets them with her smile/grin, engages them in what they may be up to. She does also almost follow them around, which I have seen kinda freaks the new-stranger kids out. But as with kids her age (at least last year anyway), they talk to each other and go from there (becoming friends). One time we were out and she was already galavanting with these stranger-kids, and when I told her that we had to leave, she shouted “BYE FRIEND!” Obviously didn’t know their names!

Teacher Rachel, whom have had Caitlin in her class since 2009, has kinda watched her grow. She’s also shared with me that Caitlin likes to have friends, likes to be around people, does not like to be alone.

Therefore it is no surprise that Caitlin likes going to school. Her report card from yesterday showed that she had only missed one day in the total of 96 days so far this year.

The downside, however (I won’t say is typical but not surprising to me) is that she cannot be shamed or be put on the spot.

Because she is (or has to be) popular, she finds it very difficult when she is reprimanded when she is at fault- either forgetting her homework, doing the wrong thing, etc. Teacher Rachel also said that Caitlin is (therefore?) somewhat competitive. There is a particular girl that Caitlin is quite friendly with, with whom lately I hear stories about how they are competing. Whatever the friend is doing or has achieved, Caitlin seems to need to be one better.

… Sounds like she has obviously inherited these traits from Hot Mummee! But jokes aside, looks like I have my guiding-work cut out: To guide her on the positive side of being popular and competitive, but coach her on the negative aspects of these, such as negative influence / peer pressure, what “healthy competition” means, etc…..

Caitlin then told me that she “came first today because I got the most stars.”

Apparently her school or class has this reward “system” where the “good” kids are given stars for various achievements. I’ve heard her say this a few times before; only yesterday she said she got a star for best (hand) writing. Stars could also be awarded for, presumably, best behaved, etc. She further offered that the girls were the ones ahead, “the boys are all at the back..” !

So tonight she tells me that she’s got the most stars in her class. Naturally I was quietly very proud of my little princess

After congratulating her and finishing up dinner, we went to chill for a bit in the living room. We talked about how her friend (whom she mentions quite often) came second; according to her.

I felt compelled to tell her or teach her some facts of life.

I told her that there may be a chance that someone else, possibly her friend; seeing as it looks like she wasn’t far behind Caitlin, may “overtake” her, that she may end up not having the most stars in her class anymore.

Obviously still basking in this glory, she didn’t seem to quite grasp what I was trying to tell her. “Why?”

“I’m just saying that it may happen that one day someone else may have more stars than you, and that you should be prepared if that happens..”

“What’s ‘prepared’?”

“Be ready for it; that you should be ready for if someone has more stars than you one day.. That you won’t be the first anymore..”

She thought about it for a while. “Why?”

We were in the food court; there was/is a small corner near its entrance that has a play mat – you know those jigsaw foam thingies that assemble into a mat. Caitlin was already eyeing that when we entered, insisting to go play there even though there really isn’t anything there to play with- maybe only a small table and chair(s).

During dinner I had noted a couple of boys, very likely brothers, walking in towards their table, where their mum was already seated when we arrived. Presumably the boys had finished their meals and went out wandering whilst mum was still chowing down her meal. I noted their entrance because one of the boys was kicking his sneakers on the floor while he walked, making loud squeeks along the way….. brat.

It was after Caitlin and I had finished our dinner, and whilst our helper was still feeding Caleb, that Caitlin insisted that we moved over to the playmat. Okay what the heck, I thought.

So she was on the mat, Rather dirty one at that, playing for the sake of playing on a new someone-else’s-as-long-as-it’s-not-mine mat. The brats came over. One of them nonchalantly lay on the floor mat, not that far from Caitlin. Then the other lay down too. Caitlin didn’t think anything of it, continuing to reach for stray pieces to assemble on the floor. The younger brother grabbed some of the stray jigsaw squares pieces threw up in the air, probably hoping that it’d land on my daughter, and probably would continue throwing each time getting closer, just to get some kinda reaction from someone.

I knew this was going to be bad news. “Put your shoes on darling, we are going”. Not very reluctantly, Caitlin started getting her shoes on. It wasn’t really a fun place- these weren’t fun toys anyway; not because of these brats.

The younger brother, still lying on the ground / mat, started kicking the furniture; kicking and kicking that it started edging and pushing into Caitlin. Caitlin looked at me. She had a WTF look on her face- if 5 year olds can muster a WTF gesture that would be it.

I grunted at him. But- yup, you guessed it, he didn’t care. Like I wasn’t there, like it’s all fun and games still.

What he did next really took the cake. Earlier he had come over with a mouthful of ice, from his cup from the table where his mum was. Here, he took out pieces of ice from his mouth, and threw them across the court towards the far wall. If you were seated in that area you wouldn’t have missed it- the action of someone throwing something would easily catch your peripheral vision, if the smashing sound of the ice didn’t.

Repeatedly.

I saw this, and looked over to his mum. She didn’t care. I am sure she saw. I couldn’t believe it.

Another smash. I looked over to the mum again. She saw me. I looked over to her kids, and back to her, and shook my head. She looked away, arrogantly.

Caleb turned 2 this January. But this post isn’t about him.

Last night I smacked Caitlin- the grab-her-arm-so-she-can’t-run-away smack; the night before Hot Mummee smacked her too.

I have had long car-ride talks with her about being the big sister to Caleb- she snatches from him, does dangerous leaps; how he looks up to her and mimics her not knowing right from wrong yet; and so, telling her that what he does is generally her fault (on this I had clearly highlighted both the good things he mimics as well as the bad things).

But last night she was just plainly defying me.

Hot Mummee says I have always been too lenient: I believe in a couple of warnings first. Last night she was pounding an inverted empty raisin tin like a drum with some of her colour pencils, her brother copying her. After repeated and increasingly stern pleas and warnings to stop “Because it’s noisy and you will break the pencils inside..”, she still went on with it. I took it away. She went to get it back. I took it away again out of reach.

Then she started playing with her plastic childrens-table, turning it upside down and crawling under it pretending to be a tunnel, her brother copying her, when he has already cleaned up in pj’s ready for bed. Pleas turned into warnings, not heeded again.

“I said no!”

” I said yes!”

I flipped: CHASED and grabbed her arm and whipped-smacked the back of her thigh.

She bawled. It stung my fingers for a while, which I am sure was the same on her fleshy thigh. I didn’t regret it. Repeated warnings warranted it.

“Don’t you talk back to me!” and reminded her about the earlier two let-go’s before I flipped.

And here’s the potential tear jerker:
Why are you more happy with di-di (younger brother) than with me??

Fine tight rope act and speech required here.

After insisting that she calmed down, I explained; as had Hot Mummee the night before. “We love you both the same, but you just plainly do not listen!“, “.. he listens to us..”, “..but he copies what you do, especially the bad things..”, “.. at 2 he is already very polite..” etc.

Sigh.

She is a smart kid. Quite bright, observant (that’s obvious from above), and at present somewhat requiring lots of guidance. We work fulltime, Grandma can only do so much. She is still okay with her studies, but it is this kinda in-discipline that is preventing her to start being able to read, at 5-turning-6 age.

Sometimes when I make a passing remark, opinion, upcoming event or plans, Caitlin would recount it hours later asking for clarification. For example, there is an upcoming party for one of our cousin’s buck’s night party, so the kids will have to crash at Grandma’s for that evening. Hot Mummee called up Grandma to tell her of this plan. Caitlin was within earshot (and conducted in Cantonese even). She asked me about it later, why we have to make her sleep over at Grandma’s.

Yes she understood the whole arrangement and asked about the event; when we didn’t think her Cantonese was even that good!

My point is, we are their one and only role model in their still-little universe. As they see how Mummee and Daddee behave, as adults, and especially as a couple, they will slowly and surely subconsciously form the opinion that this is the way an adult, and a couple is supposed to behave.

Sure, we hold our tongues when we are about to cuss something that pisssed us right off, make sure we either change the channel or that they aren’t around when inappropriate tv-content comes on, but what about everyday behaviour? The way we drive, cuss at other drivers (if one is so inclined), jump queue? (I get asked this by Caitlin sometimes, but luckily I am a patient driver and I explain to her that there is no queue, merely changing lanes; HM on the other hand….

Our parents are the first couple-role model in our lives. I “realised” this when I was reading a self-help book many years ago when I was personally going through some difficult times- I believe the book is called Conscious Loving. From there, one can either choose to emulate, or go almost-opposite against, what they see of this model couple. I guess, in looking around, there are those who don’t realise this, and kinda almost emulate this model couple later in their adult life. I am generalising here, but folks with broken-family backgrounds tend to have similar relationships or choose not to commit. On a less serious level, families that speak very casually and loudly, almost rudely to their elders, tend to “spawn” the same type of behaviour in their kids.

Just somethings I have been casually thinking about lately, as a parent…..

So how do you behave in front of the “younglings”?

* Sorry, this is the first photo I used for this blog that isn’t originally mine! Courtesy of www.makemymood.com