Caleb turned 2 this January. But this post isn’t about him.

Last night I smacked Caitlin- the grab-her-arm-so-she-can’t-run-away smack; the night before Hot Mummee smacked her too.

I have had long car-ride talks with her about being the big sister to Caleb- she snatches from him, does dangerous leaps; how he looks up to her and mimics her not knowing right from wrong yet; and so, telling her that what he does is generally her fault (on this I had clearly highlighted both the good things he mimics as well as the bad things).

But last night she was just plainly defying me.

Hot Mummee says I have always been too lenient: I believe in a couple of warnings first. Last night she was pounding an inverted empty raisin tin like a drum with some of her colour pencils, her brother copying her. After repeated and increasingly stern pleas and warnings to stop “Because it’s noisy and you will break the pencils inside..”, she still went on with it. I took it away. She went to get it back. I took it away again out of reach.

Then she started playing with her plastic childrens-table, turning it upside down and crawling under it pretending to be a tunnel, her brother copying her, when he has already cleaned up in pj’s ready for bed. Pleas turned into warnings, not heeded again.

“I said no!”

” I said yes!”

I flipped: CHASED and grabbed her arm and whipped-smacked the back of her thigh.

She bawled. It stung my fingers for a while, which I am sure was the same on her fleshy thigh. I didn’t regret it. Repeated warnings warranted it.

“Don’t you talk back to me!” and reminded her about the earlier two let-go’s before I flipped.

And here’s the potential tear jerker:
Why are you more happy with di-di (younger brother) than with me??

Fine tight rope act and speech required here.

After insisting that she calmed down, I explained; as had Hot Mummee the night before. “We love you both the same, but you just plainly do not listen!“, “.. he listens to us..”, “..but he copies what you do, especially the bad things..”, “.. at 2 he is already very polite..” etc.

Sigh.

She is a smart kid. Quite bright, observant (that’s obvious from above), and at present somewhat requiring lots of guidance. We work fulltime, Grandma can only do so much. She is still okay with her studies, but it is this kinda in-discipline that is preventing her to start being able to read, at 5-turning-6 age.

When he first developed the fever on Sunday, we didn’t think much about it, only perhaps he’d caught something; maybe from his sister.

But you wouldn’t know it.

Caleb has been running around being his cheeky self, toddling around in circles at tv jingles, walking after HM when he sees her, playing and demanding the toys that Caitlin is playing (and Caitlin demanding it back). If you didn’t touch him, he certainly wasn’t showing any of the visual signs of suffering from fever.

Naturally worried, we took him to the nearby children’s clinic Tuesday evening- yup, it was already 36 hours since the fever started. The pediatrician kinda went “Yup, fever”, poked a spatula making Caleb puke on his floor, “Yup, sore throat, and stuffed nose too” and charged me RM80 for making us wait for him almost 3 hours (when we registered him we were told to come back in an hour. We did, and still had to wait our turn), and prescribed paracetamol and rhinothiol, two of which you can already buy from your neighbourhood pharmacy, and also what Dr Pixie‘s already prescribed before.

Yesterday, Wednesday, his fever had subsided. Again, you wouldn’t know it because of his still normal (ie high!) level of energy. Last night in the lift on the way upstairs, HM was carrying him. He had knocked out- and I still thought Why not, he’s probably lethargic from the fever. I had noticed Caleb had rashes starting from his jawline going down under his pj’s collar. Since he was already asleep I didn’t endevour to examine him, and subsequently forgotten about checking him at all when he did wake for a while.

I made a conscious decision not to administer any more medication, since the fever was going away, and let his own defenses fight the other symptoms.

Today at work Grandma calls me and says the rashes seem to be getting worse. Since HM was mobile today, I left it to her to administer to the little man.

Tonite, after coming home from work and a work-related function, HM tells me that she had spent some time looking for another children’s clinic, and was about to go to a further suburb when Dr Pixie returned call (Dr Pixie’s hours were later in the evening, at the other side of KL, during very peak rush hour). Spoke to Dr Pixie about Caleb’s condition, and without mentioning beyond “Caleb’s got a rash and he’d just recovered from fever”, Dr Pixie correctly asked questions related to all the above conditions-

“Did he have fever for 3 days?”
“Yes…”
“Did he otherwise act all normal?”
“Yes..”
“The rash doesn’t seem to be annoying him in anyway, right?”
“No..”

She called it roseola infantum

Without reading all the contents of the above link to Wikipedia, HM says Dr Pixie said:

• that kids aged under 3 get it;
• there’s really nothing we can do;
• nor need to do, and
• it will go away eventually; probably also in 3 days.

Good thing Caleb left his mess on the dr’s floor. Honestly that was our second visit to that clinic with Caleb, both times the 2 different dr’s got their diagnosis wrong.

About a month or so back, due to bad parenting on our part, we had neglected to ensure Caleb was changed quickly and often enough.

It’s “interesting” that being in contact with urine long enough creates such a reaction on human skin. At first we weren’t too sure what the ultimate cause was.

Our guess was confirmed upon Dr Pixie’s first look / impression.

The affected reddened skin covered from between the butt cheeks, forward toward the scrotum, and stopping between that and the you-know-what (I don’t want spam bots picking up that keyword). That last bit (pun?) was the giveaway sign, given how the liquid is trapped in these crevices under the diaper. There was nothing wrong with the skin on the upper side of the ahem and upwards.

Dr Pixie also confirmed that the area would hurt; probably sting is a better description. This explained Caleb’s discomfort in those days. He was a real pain in ass to feed, manage etc, because he had a pain in his ass ha ha.

Here’s what Dr Pixie prescribed.

No more talcum powder on the groin / area; at least for now. When changing, wash / rinse the area as you would but no soap. Soap would only aggravate the area and the sting. Dab / pat dry- again, rubbing dry would also be painful on the skin. And go get this concoction: Hydrocortisol and Zinc oxide; to be applied on the reddened skin after each wash / change.

Hot Mummee and Grandma went out looking for this. Apparently the pharmacist they went didn’t have this, but was able to mix it. I don’t know if it was expensive, I doubt it was though.

That last treatment really helped our little man (another pun?) In probably 6 hours or 2-3 changes later he was feeling almost normal, and the area cleared up not long after.

Sharing my kids-treatment record with you here.

I took this photo last night, and sent it to Dr Pixie.

It’s not as painful as it looks. In fact the only feedback I get now is that it is ticklish!

It looks shiny because of the flash on my camera. It is actually dry, but the “new” skin is smooth and dry, effectively giving it a sheen.

Dr Pixie replied saying that it looks like it is healing “cleanly”, but that it is likely to leave a lighter pigmentation as a result of scarring. I initially enquired if I could apply Eurax on the site, since Caitlin has been complaining that it is very itchy, and we don’t want her to be scratching the area at all!

She said no, which was also my initial reaction; general reaction, to letting things heal as naturally as possible.

Dr Pixie did say to continue using the SSD though, which we did because it does have antiseptic properties in it, and since there are still skin areas that need peeling but which may likely be peeled by itchy fingers leading to hey-I-am-not-ready-to-be-exposed-yet new unready skin being open to infection….

Caitlin is already asking when she can go (back to) swimming… I’d like to bring her too. She needs the break.

I think it should get easier managing the site now, since there is nothing left to burst! It wasn’t easy ensuring the site was kept safe from bumps and other small mishaps. We’ll just have to make sure it is kept clean.

Don’t mean to gross you out; and it’s not as yuck as it looks..

These were taken by Caitlin herself with my phone. Don’t know what prompted her to, likely cos she was just toying with the camera than intending to photo-document it.

Still, it will effectively be what they are.

She has been very good about it, really looking after the site ensuring no harm come to it, not breaking the blister.

The blisters themselves are a little smaller now, making the sac sag, making the fluid inside swish around!

The white bits are actually the SSD cream.

On the first night when talking to Dr Pixie, she was suggesting getting Caitlin some panadol due the the pain. I have been positively-reinforcing her that she’s been “a brave girl”, because other than the immediate hours she’s been very good about, didn’t need any painkillers.

Update: Saturday afternoon, Jan 10

Caitlin is actually due for her MMR shot between now and 6 years old. So we brought her to see Dr Pixie; to also let her have a look at the scald.

Like most other people who first saw it, I am sure her heart sank too. Everyone I spoke to about the incident never knew how bad it was.

Anyway she said to leave it alone, don’t rupture the sac, and don’t need to apply the SSD anymore.

Unless..

The sac ruptures. At which time we should start applying SSD again at the puncture site, since SSD itself has antiseptic agents in it. There is no need for the SSD on the dried areas though.

However, if the site does indeed get infected due to this puncture of the sac/skin; the signs include reddish fluid discharges, then we should administer fucisic acid, likely under the brand of Fucidin.

Because Caitlin could still wait a little longer for her MMR shot, Dr Pixie thought to spare her another trauma of an innoculation (INJECTION!!)

So, We came home. And wouldnt you know it, the sac ruptured!

I don’t think it was intentional, from being itchy fingered or accidental bumps. It was likely that the swishing was too much and the skin (was thinning?) couldn’t hold much longer.

It doesn’t look so gross now, but it also means we gotta watch out ensuring the site is kept clean, now that there is a puncture exposing bare skin.

You expect them to fall down once a while.
You expect them to get hurt once a while.
You expect them to get a bump on the head, a cut there, a bruise here.

But you don’t expect them to be scalded.

At dinner tonite, Grandma was serving up dinner. Caitlin was seated already next to me, at the far side of the table against the doorway into the dining area. Grandma was coming in with bowls of hot soup. She makes them really hot. She reached forward to put a bowl down infront of Caitlin for her, and it slipped out of her hand, away from her, towards Caitlin.

Without really thinking I made the mistake of trying to sweep away the soup from her lap; thinking to remove the hot element from skin.
Grandma comes in to carry her off the wet seat.
I went to get some cloth- anything, to wet with cold water to put over the area.
Grandma says NO.
By which time Mummee was rushing down after hearing the scream. She was shouting DO NOT GET ICE.
My wet cloth was ignored. I could see some peeled skin. It looks like what it’d be like a few days after being sunburnt.
Mummee came with toothpaste, and we all started to spread it over the area.
Caitlin starts to settle.

The old school Chinese old wives way was NOT to encourage quick contraction after a hot expansion. My basic first aid was ignored. We then remembered some ointment bought from China by either grandparents, which had quickly healed the assistant’s hands during the sideshow (more like freakshow) demo, where he applied the ointment immediately after grasping red hot iron bar- don’t ask.

4-5 hours later we are back at our apartment, our regular routine, ready for bed. Mummee’s gentle dabs removed the toothpaste ready for another application of Chinese ointment. Cleared, we could see the damage. Blisters. Multiple of them. Bigger and smaller than peanuts. And the roll of broken skin.

I called Dr Pixie to ask what else we could do other than to air it. She said to go get sulphur silver diazine. It would help with the burn, and it is also antiseptic.

In the conversation I related the whole ordeal, whether it was likely to scar- YES. Provided the blisters aren’t popped during this whole time. but definitely there will be different pigmentation during / after healing.

But I made the worst mistake. I effectively already removed some skin when I swept her lap. It would be those area that is guaranteed to scar; don’t even talk about popping the blisters, I had already effectively done that.

I went to the only 24 hours pharmacy I could think of- Pantai Hospital, not too far from here. Got 60g of the cream, at RM12.40. They call is Flamazine

She is sleeping now with Mummee.

In the coming days these are what I am anticipating:
- her in her school uniform- how do we ensure the area is kept medicated?
- her in her school uniform- how do we ensure she doesn’t get the area accidentally bumped / scraped / pop the blisters?
- her in regular clothes- to remove them to go pee? Who’s gonna help her removal?
- her in bed- same precautions as above?

I feel like shit. I feel much worse actually.

I kid you not. This was what Caleb did a few days ago.

I was at work and Grandma called to tell me of this.

Apparently he was crying quite profusely. You know how at each Waaa… babies would then draw their breath for the next Waaa…? Well, he didn’t. So he turned blue in the lips, then in the face, and went limp.

Grandma had the shock of her life. She quickly stroked him, patted him on the body and face, and then Caleb woke up.

So, upon finding out this I quickly called Dr Pixie to tell her of this.

Is this a physiological condition?
An inherited condition?
A psychological condition?
Are there any dangers to this?
WHAT’S GOING ON??

Very calmly, Dr Pixie tells me that this is nothing new. Kids do this to get attention, to get things their way; that there is nothing to worry about.

The only thing she said was out of the ordinary was that Caleb is (already) doing this at such a young age of 9 months; my own niece / her own daughter did this once when she was 2.

She did say these words though: Do not give in to the boy’s demands. This is how kids become spoilt brats – they start getting adults to give into them and the trouble starts.

Most of the explanation and conversation revolved around behavioural attitude rather than anything medical.

You can imagine my astonishment at hearing all this. But then when I was hearing this explanation I was reminded of the saying about kids who “.. held his breath till he turned blue to get his way…” It all kinda clicked at the point.

I knew this boy was likely going to be a difficult child with that behaviour, but now with this incident, or shall I more accurately say, manipulative behaviour, we really have a troublemaker in our hands…..

I looked up the internet to research this. I did find a lot of the same things as what Dr Pixie said, plus more:

Here are some links which I visited:

http://www.baby-medical-questions-and-answers.com/toddler-discipline.html

http://www.baby-medical-questions-and-answers.com/child-behavior-management.html

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Pediatrics-1429/Crying-Toddler-1.htm

And at the end is an excerpt from the last link above.

What a scare! Other than that quote above, none of us had ever heard of anything like this before, what more a 9 month old already starting to try manipulating the situation and people. Grandma still doesn’t believe this and asked to recheck this “condition”.

In a lot of ways, it kinda shows that this could possibly be a very smart boy.

I only hope that this genius will only use his power for good and not evil…..! Well at least be on his parents’ side! He already looks at his Daddee in a certain way!

Breath-Holding Spells
What is a breath-holding spell?
A breath-holding spell is when your child holds his breath when he is suddenly injured, frustrated, angry, or frightened. Breath-holding spells begin between the ages of 6 months and 2 years. They occur only while the child is awake.
During a breath-holding spell:
• Your child may make 1 or 2 cries and then hold his breath in expiration until he becomes blue around the lips and passes out.
• Your child may stiffen and may have a few twitches or muscle jerks.
• Your child will breathe normally again and become fully alert in less than 1 minute.
What is the cause?
An abnormal reflex allows 5% of normal children to hold their breath long enough to pass out. Most children do not do this deliberately.
Holding the breath (when frustrated) and becoming bluish without passing out is such a common reaction in young infants that it is not considered abnormal.
How long does it last?
Breath-holding spells usually occur from 1 or 2 times a day to 1 or 2 times a month. Children usually stop having breath-holding spells by the time they are 4 or 5 years old.
Breath-holding spells are not dangerous, and they don’t lead to epilepsy or brain damage.
How can I take care of my child?
• Treatment during attacks of breath-holding
These attacks are harmless and always stop by themselves. Time the length of a few attacks, using a watch with a second hand.
During an attack, do not hold your child upright. Instead, he should lie flat. This position will increase blood flow to the brain and may prevent some of the muscle jerking. Put a cold wet washcloth on your child’s forehead until he starts breathing again. Don’t start resuscitation or call a rescue squad–it’s not necessary. Also, don’t put anything in your child’s mouth because it could make him choke or vomit.
• Treatment after attacks of breath-holding
Give your child a brief hug and go about your business. A relaxed attitude is best. If you are frightened, don’t let your child know it. If your child had a temper tantrum because he wanted his way, don’t give in to him after the attack.
• Prevention of injuries
The main injury risk of a breath-holding spell is a head injury. If your child starts to have an attack while standing near a hard surface, go to him quickly and help lower him to the floor.
What can I do to help prevent breath-holding spells?
Most attacks from falling down or a sudden fright can’t be prevented. Neither can most attacks that are triggered by anger. However, some children can be distracted from their breath-holding if you intervene before they become blue. Tell your child to come to you for a hug or to look at something interesting. Ask him if he wants a drink of juice.
If your child is having attacks every day, he probably has learned to trigger some of the attacks himself. This can happen when parents run to the child and pick him up every time he starts to cry, or when they give him his way as soon as the attack is over. Avoid these responses and your child won’t have an undue number of attacks.
When should I call my child’s health care provider?
Call during office hours if:
• More than one spell occurs each week.
• The attacks change.
• You have other concerns or questions.

Caution: Call a rescue squad (911) if your child has a different kind of attack during which he stops breathing for more than 1 minute or turns white (not blue).

I say used to ‘cos my middle-aged knee has been reminding me that I am not as young as I used to be; since something like 2003.

One time in the late 90′s, way before I was (in the mood of) seeing anyone, I used to spend lots of time with my family. I remind you that I am the youngest, which means there are lots of nieces and nephews already. The oldest of that generation, a niece of 15 years my junior, is also rather keen in sports, and had a pair of skates herself. Whenever Dr Pixie visited with the kids, I’d get this niece to go skating with me in the neighbourhood roads. It was quite good fun, connecting with her, getting a workout as well- uphill skating really works the ass muscle.

Anyway. During all those times no one said anything about her and I skating around. Then there was a family trip to Awana where again we brought our skates. After settling in at the hotel, I asked her if she wanted to go skating. She said yes, and it was then that Dr Pixie commented “Hey, you are a girl lah, what if you fell and get bruises and scars on your legs??”

That was the last time we skated together.

I wasn’t sure what to think of it. In some ways I didn’t agree with the ‘prohibition”, after all, its a sport and she could skate reasonably well. On the other hand, I can understand the wish to avoid injuries that scar. I have another niece (this same one) who has a rather long one along her shin after falling into a drain (I think it was a drain). I won’t say that it is unsightly, but my eyes are drawn to it everytime I see it.

And as far as I know, she is still quite the athlete at school.

Having said that though, I think when Caitlin is of age I’d probably get her into some outdoor activities and active sports like this, but fully decked out in helmet and guards and kevlar vests and insurance with the ambulance on standby trailing us on first gear…..

All this is of course due to aesthetic reasons. It’s a bit sexist I guess, that guys can be all scarred and macho but girls have to be the immaculate creatures of elegance…..

Would you stop your daughter from getting into a hobby or sport that would risk scars? Or just let them be, within reasonable physical safety?

Photo taken.. sheesh I can’t even remember when. I know it was after Caitlin and before Caleb. This is the group organised by Skateline, the skates retailer in TTDI, that organises weekly or so skating trips around parts of KL. I still prefer the night skates at Putrajaya- nothing like skating on tiles and marble!

That’s me in the extreme right. I haven’t got the kevlar bullet proof vest. I don’t need it, see.

I think now he thinks he hasn’t been washing me properly. Poor Daddee, I think he feels sad and, what’s the word- Inadequate?

So last Saturday Daddee took me to see TuaKor (Eldest paternal aunty, or Dr Pixie) for a few things: That I have (still) been having hard stools, that I don’t go poo-poo everyday, and also for this pain when I pee.

So TuaKor examined me. I was so scared and I didn’t let her touch me. Daddee said it was okay; TuaKor needs to see why it’s been pain-pain when I pee.

They were right; TuaKor only opened me up a little and that was enough to see some, err, inflammation; I think they called it, that it is pinky-red. They started talking about me, saying that to make sure I am washed inside and not just outside my skin area. Also, sometimes using only toilet paper to wipe is not enough. Daddee used this big word to say that he wasn’t familiar the girl body.. ana.. anatom-something. I think that first big word is how he feels about touching this ana-thing.

So TuaKor asked Daddee to go buy this wash called Lactacyd, and to use it after each time I pee, for 3 days straight. TuaKor also said my no-poo-poo has something to do with my inflammation, but I think Daddee can’t see the connection either…. But I will continue making sure I eat lots of vegetables still.

First few times he washed me it was so painful I cried. I don’t know why- it could be that the soap or it could be that Daddee was too hard. After a few times, Daddee thought to ask me to wash myself. That’s a good idea Daddee. He stood by with the shower head running and made sure I washed inside before spraying me while I continue washing.

It’s been 3 days of use now; except when I went back to school after the holidays this morning. I think Daddee will insist I am washed with this wash tomorrow, and then that would be enough. I think NaiNai (paternal grandma) was also teaching Daddee that this wash is quite drying, but suggested to still use it once a week to ensure.. hy… hy… oh I give up.

Daddee forgot to ask Dr Pixie what the adult-name is for my pain-pain.

After the visit to TuaKor’s clinic, as promised, Daddee took me to the big underground aquarium at the twin towers KLCC to check out the sharks being fed… I think he felt bad to miss his friend Auntie Kathie and her 2 boys!

I never knew the implications until I now that I have my own kids. The writers of these shows know what they are talking about- about how parents feel about kids, and about how child-less folks not knowing what it feels like when mishaps befall (other people’s) children.

I saw this article on The Star this morning. It saddens me that people can do this to children; and in this case, presumably by someone who’s not had kids of their own.

What I had wanted to share in this post, mainly, is that I was reminded by Dr Pixie recently not to throw kids up in the air during play- you know, throw them up, and catch them by the armpits when they are falling.

She said that in playing like this, there is a chance of busting a vein or vessel in the head.

Presumably the same thing this abused child suffered “….. (sic) had suffered bleeding in the head probably due to a violent shake”…..

Sigh…

So he’s coming up to 6 months old already. He can prop himself up temporarily and hold his head up, looking for whatever caught his eye earlier, or looking for something to look at.

He’s only been able to roll from his back to his front.

Or so we thought.

Last Friday night, at 7pm, we were in a rush to pack our stuff readying for a dinner appointment and the weekend away at my parents’. We left Caleb in the middle of the double bed in our spare bedroom, as usual, surrounding him with pillows to “box” him in. This was done many times before, when we need to change him and while fetching the talcum powder, new diapers, etc.

Caitlin was also “busy”, walking around acting like she was also looking for stuff to pack. In our haste, we left Caleb in the room whilst we walked out to put/fetch more things, in different directions.

I am usually conscious of where people (and most things) are in the apartment at most times. It’s just my secret wish to be like Jason Bourne- to be aware of potential hazards now that we have potentially hazardous-to-self kids. So I knew where Caitlin kinda was, and I also knew Caleb was on the bed.

But I didn’t prepare for nor think about his growing abilities.

Just as I paced outside the bedroom door either with something in my hand or looking for something else, I heard a thud. I already knew what it was- there was no one else in there but Caleb.

As I almost-ran already expecting to find Caleb on the floor, he was already on his back, looking up looking very stunned, and started bawling one of the loudest bawls. I knew the thud was his left hand hitting an empty cardboard box beside the bed. Slowly swiftly I picked him up, knowing the “damage” was his head but checked his left hand first for abrasions / paper cuts. Nothing. Then I gently touched his head and the swelling had started, which quickly later became a ring-bruise.

I can only imagine that he somehow rolled on top of the pillow, and rolled off the edge of the knee-height bed face first, and turned on the way down to land on his back / the back of his head, hitting his hand on the box, ending up the way I found him.

As soon as Caitlin found out, she quickly realised the extent of the accident, and started exclaiming “Why did baby fall down why did baby fall down!?” with each sentence the tears welling in her eyes. I was walking around as I comforted Caleb. Caitlin was following me around making these exclamations, demanding answers to how her little brother got hurt, herself crying quite badly at the end.

Caleb cried for a long time. Even though he was conscious and fidgeting during the cry / from the fright, I was still very scared. Even though it wasn’t a concussion (at least I thought at the time) I had heard of internal damage from such a fall.

I started watching him for signs of nausea. I had heard this was what to look out for. After quickly speaking to Dr Pixie, she sternly corrected me that nausea would already be too late. Instead, we should watch to see if he behaves out of the ordinary: If he’s too noisy, too quiet, too fidgety, too calm; anything that’s not his usual behaviour.

That’s what we did in the following hours. And somewhat gladly, he behaved predictably, albeit slightly teary from the presumably sore bump.

For peace of mind, we visited Dr Pixie the following morning. He was his usual self- responding to my tongue-clucking, looking around at his surroundings wherever he went. Since it was already over 12 hours since the fall, and going by his body language, Dr Pixie gave her assurance that he’s fine.

Dr Pixie then followed up with a call. Since he had hit the back of his head where the brain processes visual signals, asked that we do an eye test on Caleb, by alternately covering his eyes and getting him to track a movement (eg, moving the finger).

He was able to.

Did I feel like shit? Yes.

Did I “fail” in ensuring safety for my kids, even a simple one like this? Yes.

Could I have acted differently? Yes. I could have called Hot Mummee, and Dr Pixie a lot earlier, to learn what to look out for.

We were lucky. Very lucky.

The latest episode (Global News 21 May AM edition) had a reporter covering the orphaned kids, reporting from a makeshift middle school, of only tents.

One account was on a couple of kids. Both are too young to really understand what happened, with the older one still waiting for their parents to come pick them up. Their grandfather says he’s over 60 years old now, admits he cannot care for them, has to rely on the govt, and worries about their future.

Another account is on a 14 year old boy who does know what’s going on. He was only recently reunited with his younger 8 year old sister. He wants to stay with his aunt and uncle, “but if they don’t want us, we will go.”

Dr Pixie is looking to go there to give any assistance she can. But I understand that she is unable to obtain a Chinese visa. At the moment she and another Dr are looking for ways they can go.

If anyone can help with “pulling strings” with Chinese visa, please let me know.

We were “warned” by Dr Pixie, that when a toddler reaches the age of 2, they will start becoming defiant, challenging, pushing the envelope and testing how far they can go. That this is also the age when they will also need proper guidance cos, apparently, this is the time when they will start developing and ingraining their habits of behaviour and manners, or lack of.

Caitlin was born in Nov 2004. She is now 3 years 5 months old.

Much to my disappointment, just last weekend my older brother said to me that Caitlin is quite a rude child. He also echoed my sister in law’s similar sentiment (no- another brother’s wife). I always thought I was doing an okay job in parenting, but sometimes third parties’ views and feedback are more accurate, from an outsider’s point of view. I repeated this to Hot Mummee, and she quite quickly said it was Grandma (her mum, who looks after the kids while we are at work) and my doing. That we are too lenient.

Between us, Hot Mummee is the stern one. So I have always adopted the complementing approach: The good cop (I think it’s in my nature to be softer anyway). That’s not to say that I nullify or reverse whatever Hot Mummee has said or effected to the kids; we have a “policy” that we will not, in front of the kids, “fight” or change or oppose whatever the other has said, cos this will only confuse the kids and undermine the authority of the parent, and immediately and wrongly win over the child- good cop bad cop. We leave whatever comments we have for each other in private.

Some examples of her behaviour are:

• A sharp “No” to adults- my mum, to me sometimes.
• Frowning squint when she doesn’t like something someone’s said to her, or when she doesn’t like what’s requested of her; usually accompanying the above “No”
• Not greeting elders upon sight; like when visiting someone’s home or when they arrive
• Not even answering when spoken to

I wonder how she is like at school. Granted the feedback from the teacher was that she is coping well, but back then the conversation (at least from my point of view) was more on how she is coping with the new routine of school, given she was only there for 3 or so weeks. Now that Caitlin would be more familiar with the routine and of being in school, I am wondering if such behaviour is also consistent while at school.

This week I have started to be more stern towards her. I have actually declared this to her: That I will start “scolding more” when she is rude. I reinforce these with comments like “Uncle has said that you are rude”, “Aunty has said that you are rude” (it helps when these are her fave relatives), and cited examples of her (bad) behaviour: Not greeting Grandma (my mum), being rude to her, making her “sad” (guilt and reverse psych already works at such a young age!), On-the-spot “See? SEE? Isn’t that being rude to Daddee??”, etc.

With these I will, of course, still prefer and employ positive reinforcements, and really commend when she does the right things. From experience, and I am sure other more experienced parents will attest to this; this method seems to have worked quite well in the past (toilet training is one that comes straight to mind).

It’s been almost 5 months since that earlier post / reference to Dr Pixie’s advice. I guess I am not paying enough attention or addressing this area properly… yet.

How have you parents tackled this issue of manners?

Is the “terrible two’s” over? Or does it actually mean that kids simply upgrade in their level of terrible-ness?
Terrible-Two’s -> Terrorism-Three’s?

I distinctly recall Dr Pixie mentioning just over a year ago; few months before Caitlin turned 2 in fact, that once kids turned 2, they’d be starting to push the envelope with the adults around them; that they’d be trying to test & see how far they can get with people.

Looking back, I was distinctly reminded of Dr Pixie’s advice almost exactly a month before Caitlin turned 2. Our little angel started to grow devil horns. What was an easy-going little responsive child with joyful smiles (it’s probably a positive trait from none other than Daddee) suddenly showed signs of defiance & stubbornness (definitely from Mummee).

Looking at the present, Caitlin has already established a few things:

• She knows she can get away with quite a bit with both sets of grandparents,
• She knows that while I am sometimes firm I am generally friendly & playful, and
• She knows that when Mummee speaks she must listen (so does everyone else!) & is generally not playful.
• At Grannee’s she’s a lot more sooky,
• With me she seems more natural (ahem),
• With Mummee she’s a little more formal (if one could use that on a 2-3 yr old).

Dr Pixie therefore advised that two’s is also the time when they ought to be “molded” in terms of their manners & mannerisms. For if they did not learn & practise their manners & be told or put in their place often enough, this (mis)behaviour & rudeness is likely to set in place, difficult to change (just like men reaching their mid-30s getting harder to lose that bit around the middle.. I guess).

Luckily we try to nip it in the bud as it happens (toddler behaviour, I mean), & with the announced rule of while-I-reprimand-no-one-else-interjects-or-overrules being widely adopted, so far Caitlin does heed what she is told. The few areas that still need work is the greeting of elders when she sees them; when we arrive at their residence, their arrival into our’s, “good morning”- just generally when we see them.

What are / were your experience with your two-year olds?

Next: Terrible-two’s: The Bully!