Monthly Archives: April 2009

What’s your parenting kryptonite?

Hissychick blogged about this.

I had wanted to respond there with mine, but didn’t quite know which one to mention, until this morning.

Last night / wee hours this morning Caleb woke crying. Mind you his cries are a combo of wail and screams.

And kept on crying and crying.

And crying and crying and crying.

I did hear Hot Mummee trying to appease him.

But he kept crying and crying and crying.

Somewhere in there HM very loudly grunted at him (grunts is our current baby-talk version for scolding, since 15 month olds still dont know language; at least for this one). The grunt made him jump; I felt it.

And crying and crying….

Luckily sleepyhead Caitlin stayed asleep. She needs her sleep because she has been noted to be dozing off at school in the mornings.

This is my kryptonite because I get the shits from a grumpy Hot Mummee too. From her lack of sleep, and from the fact that she is a light(er) sleeper than I and thus wakes before me and resents me for it!

Parents and children relationships: Parent or friends?

I wonder if this happens in other cultures / countries.

Taken from today’s The Star list of popular articles.

Sex affair just to spite parents
By ANDREW SAGAYAM

KUALA LUMPUR: More underage girls are having sex to get back at their parents for neglecting them.

This startling information was revealed by police who said that the girls had initially claimed they were raped but later admitted to have consented to sex with their boyfriends.

Statistics compiled since 2005 showed that the number of girls below 16 years old who are sexually active has been increasing every year.

The study also revealed that an alarming 60% of girls between the ages of 13 and 15 had sex because they “wanted revenge” on their parents. Sex with a girl aged under 16 is classified as statutory rape under the Penal Code.

The girls, largely from urban areas, confessed that they had befriended men as they were angry with their parents for subjecting them to emotional and physical “abuse”.

While some had sex with men just to get back at their parents, others were coerced into it by the very men they had turned to for solace, said Asst Comm Suguram Bibi Munshi Deen, head of the Sexual Abuse and Children’s Division at Bukit Aman.

Noting that teen rape had risen since 2005, she said that the victims – mostly from cities and major towns in Selangor, Johor and Kedah – usually ended up pregnant.

“We are not pointing a finger or exposing the private lives of families but the public must realise what is happening,” said ACP Suguram Bibi.

“Children, teenagers and youths are our future leaders and we as adults, parents or guardians must guide and instil in them right and proper values.”

Statistics from 2005 to 2008 showed 75% of the rape victims were below 18 years old and at least 60% of the girls were below 16. Boys below 18 made up between 8.4% and 13.6% of the “rapists”.

The study also showed that teenagers got bored easily, craved attention or wanted the freedom to express themselves.

ACP Suguram Bibi said parents should educate sons to respect the opposite sex and not take advantage of them.

“We also found that some boys were challenged by their peers and forced to commit sex acts to prove that he was one of the gang and to stop being ridiculed.”

She advised parents to understand the law better and welcomed inquiries from anyone on investigation procedures in sexual assault cases.

While I have always thought and advocated being your (my) children’s good friends rather than being too much of a parent to them, I do recall coming across an article not that long ago saying that befriending one’s child is (still) not a good idea.

I can’t remember the reasons, but I think it was something like: with parenting comes more discipline (than being friends).

Okay, let’s just say then that it should be a mix of the two, that it’s still parenting but that the kids should still feel they can trust me enough to confide in me, that they won’t worry about being implicated / reprimanded for approaching me.

I am of this position because I wasn’t really “friends” with my own parents. Don’t get me wrong they are good parents; just that I felt I couldn’t confide in them. And now that I am a parent and would like to be involved with what my kids do, I want to be involved, at least in the know, of their thought process and patterns, and at least be in the position to be able to advise them of decisions.

What do you put in place when your kids are growing (in whatever age bracket) for both boys and girls in the family?

His first audible word

And again, it’s not Daddee.

He’s been pronouncing; more like uttering, “words” beginning with “D”. Such as “duh duh duh duh…” or “den den den…”

Tonight, I kinda figured out how to “spell” something he’s been uttering for about a week now.

Ardent; without the “t” of course.

On a related matter of his development, his walking is a lot more steady now. It’s quite amazing how within 3 days of making the first steps, he’s now walk-chasing his jie jie quick briskly.

Mind you, Hot Mummee thought his style of walking reminded her of one she knows but can’t quite put her finger on, until I reminded her of it.

Orangutan. Yup, legs spaced apart, arms up.

Heh.

Creativity encouraged and to be nurtured

I don’t think she saw this from any of the few episodes of kiddie shows I download as podcasts. Indeed I haven’t been seeking or downloading many lately; and neither has Caitlin been watching a lot either, even of the … Continue reading

He’s walking he’s walking!

This gallery contains 1 photos.

This is a snapshot of a short video clip I took of Caleb starting to walk! That was the first weekend of April 2009; Caleb was born in Jan 2008. Tonight he’d managed pretty much 30 feet of walking! Won’t … Continue reading

It could have been a lot worse..

Offline friends of this blog would know that Hot Mummee and I were robbed last Friday evening.

4 guys, 2 mopet bikes, 2 machetes.

We were just leaving my brother’s house after dinner. My car was parked outside. I was busy carrying the 2 bags and putting them into the backseat, HM was carrying some washed corning wares / pyrex thingies, and we then were busy making sure Caitlin sat properly in the front seat. HM was gonna walk to my parents house, maid was already nearing the gate there. We were after all only less than 100m from my parents’ house where we were (yes my brother and parents are 2-doors-away neighbours).

We were somehow complacent to our surroundings. We didn’t look around for potential threats.

From my point of view, I saw a bike veering suddenly toward alongside my car- the direction of HM. Snatch thieves was my first reaction. I jumped out the car to run toward the back of it to meet them there. I was greeted by a machete. I think I saw the second bike, that’s why I was so quickly greeted by him so soon after jumping out the car.

They say you can’t really remember things when you are in a panic. Right now I can only say that I recall the word anak being uttered to me. Bastard was threatening me with Caitlin’s safety. I saw the others bear-hugging HM and being pushed toward the fence outside the house. I knew what was up. Put up my hands to show compliance. I gotta play along.

My next thought is the one that’s still haunting me today: Anything is possible from this point onwards. There were 4 of them, 2 machetes, we’re at their mercy, we’re on our own, neighbours only looked on, the street is deserted. Anything, in any possible combo of consequences and endings to this ordeal. My sister inlaw did walk us out, but did rightly so close the gate quickly and started shouting for help.

i offered my wallet. Just take and go. He told me to sit down on the ground. I didn’t want to but I didn’t say anything, only stalled by kinda shifting around, hands still up. Sitting down would mean slower reaction, if I needed to react. I was watching him without looking at his face not to intimidate him. Caitlin is still in the car. I was watching him. He had the machete in his right hand, left hand reached over checking for contents of all my pockets. Took out my iPhone. Took out whatever I had in all pockets (only bits of paper by then).

Somewhere in there I heard zipper sounds. They had taken out the 2 bags from the backseat, presumably checking its contents. I also heard my car being started.

Caitlin is inside.

Then the engine stopped. I will never know the intention of the whole start-stop. I can only hope that it was because they are small-time and that carjacking cum kidnapping wasn’t their MO.

Told me to sit down again. I stalled, but then only squated. Told me to give him my watch. I hear some new shouting over all the shouting by SIL, and by now my brother from the window upstairs, and then later outside at the fence looking over. He had a solid wood staff nose-height length. The new shouting was from HM. I thought she was resisting and was starting to fight. I called out “Dear- DON’T”.

As my brother’s head popped up over the fence with a visually obvious wooden staff, the guys pushed HM to sitdown too, and waved his machete at him “whaddya want”. My 16 yr old nephew also popped up with a staff too.

I can only guess that all the noise of the shouting, the house alarm ringing, the neighbours now (only) watching, that they thought their job was done. Took the 2 bags and took off on their bikes.

in it were HM’s work laptop with very long-laboured proposals and spreadsheets, LV b’day present purse, 2 mobile phones. In the other bag was all of Caleb’s milk gear- powder, bottles, cleaning stuff, etc.

As soon as they left I checked on Caitlin, still in the front seat, watching the whole thing. Only then did her lips start to curve down. She looked fine, I assured her trying hard to sound calm. Then I asked where Caleb was. HM panics more, runs towards parents house to find that they had let the maid in and closed back the gate.

Only after that did she ask what was taken. At that time I couldn’t remember where everything was. I also didn’t know what to do next, only relieved that it was over, and no one got hurt. We quickly head to parents’ house, and recounted what happened and what is missing.

A few things I learned from this:

  • My car’s remote had been broken a week before the incident. I’ve had to carry the bunch of keys and the remote as 2 items. Thus, for some reason I was still holding it in my right hand when I had my hands up. I think I would have been thinking-straight enough to immobilise the engine if they were indeed going off with Caitlin in the car. I shall continue carrying them as 2 separate items now;
  • To think straight enough to realise if things and people were okay; to check on them after ensuring I get a glimpse of the plates of the getaway vehicles;
  • To continue locking my phones, because I carry a lot of sensitive info on them. I am anticipating these low lifes to be dumb enough to enter the wrong code more than 10 times into my iPhone which will then wipe out everything on it. What is bugging me now is that it is likely to still function as a “basic” iPhone now;
  • Never forget to check one’s surroundings. I don’t know what happened to my Jason Bourne aspirations at that time.

I have also learned another thing about myself. On Saturday and Sunday while we were still very shaken, we were thankful for the following:

  • That they didn’t first strike and then only grab, as have happened with other cases. I attribute this to the fact that it was a woman outside and not me, a man.
  • That they didn’t attack, and there was no reason to react, creating more trouble.
  • My brother didn’t react either, only watched and only react if there was a need to

But come Monday and following days, I was furious. Vengeful, violent intentions type of fury. Replaying everything in my head about how there were opportunities to inflict real damage on him…. it eats me up inside and blocks out every other rational thoughts about what I am currently doing.

Spoke too soon…

Only a few days after that last post on how Caleb is starting to sleep through the night, he started (again) to not be so.

Why does he wake? Just because.

Just because I made a little noise.
Just because Caitlin needs to go pee.
Just because I shifted in my bed.
Just because he shifted in his bed.
Just because.

And he wails. Lucky for me HM is the one who wakes to sooth him back to sleep, with some effort too mind you.

So in that time, I am woken, Caitlin is woken. (HM’s work hours are a little flexible in that she doesn’t have to be in the office very early).

And we both suffer from lack of sleep the next day. I can cope with this with drug laced beverages, but feedback from Teacher Rachel is that Caitlin either dozes off in class, or is moody and thus teary I-wanna-go-home.

Thus, we (mainly I) have to decide for both of us what to trade-off in order to bring forward bedtime.


My time surfing the web and catching up on online reading
vs
Caitlin’s Playhouse Disney time
vs
My time reading with Caitlin
vs
Caitlin’s revision or practising Mandarin conversations with me
vs
Daddee’s recent thinking-about hitting the treadmill early in the mornings

Sigh…..