Bullying in preschool!
Posted on May 10th, 2008 | by Daddee |If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
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This had to happen at some point during the parenting journey; at least that’s been my view. I just never thought it was going to be so soon!
I came home from work last night and greeted my inlaws and Caitlin.
Hi Caitlin! How’s school today; any homework?
No… OH Daddee, (something to report) today, in school, a boy hit me….
Hit you??
Ya, hit me. He slapped me, Daddee….
Slapped you??
Ya… he’s so naughty, he slapped me….
Oh… (trying not to incite tit-for-tat behaviour; cannot ask if she’d hit him back, ‘cos that’s what I may have done!) Did you tell Teacher? Was this in Teacher Ng’s class?
Ya, I told Teacher Ng already…
Did Teacher Ng scold this boy?
Ya, I went to tell Teacher Ng, and Teacher Ng scolded the boy.
Good. Good that you told Teacher Ng. If anything like this happened again; if anyone hits you or slaps you, or hurts you, you go and tell your Teacher (Ng) ok? (What I really meant was good that he got told off!)
Nod nod.
Hot Mummee and I talked about this later that night. The next morning when dropping Caitlin off at school, I went in to have a chat with Teacher Ng.
Apparently the 2 kids were fighting over something. I asked what happened. She said she had her back turned, but the “smack” wasn’t really “all that hard”. She tried to assure me that she did tell the boy off. I asked if the boy’s parents were told. Apparently his mother is abroad and it’s his grandmother who fetches him after school- Teacher Ng saw no point in telling the grandparent. Regardless, I insisted that this incident is to be noted in the boy’s school message book (this is how the school communicates with the parents, on dates of events, goings-in, etc).
I realised that perhaps I was being too interrogative- Teacher Ng seemed bordering on defensive, so I kinda left it there. I am sure in her profession she’s encountered these before.
That was essentially what happened. Regardless of what the object of desire was, we insisted that Caitlin adopt / continue practising the sharing mentality. Should there be anyone who doesn’t, either don’t play with them or talk to the teacher. She shouldn’t fight over things…
Since I didn’t witness what happened, I am unsure what to make of it or handle it. For me, depending on the different situations, I think it’s “okay” to fight.
- If the bully was pushing it, I think it’s okay to fight back, within reason. I think I would prefer my kid this way- not too much of a pushover, and wouldn’t be too concerned if s/he got into trouble this way;
- If my kid was the bully, then of course things are different! I will have to somehow teach her/him to hold back, not to be so aggressive. Perhaps as part of the punishment (ie, there will be other forms) is to make him/her apologise face to face, and even meet the parents;
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How would you handle both the above situations?
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4 Responses to “Bullying in preschool!”
By Shireen on May 12, 2008 | Reply
I also think it’s ‘ok’ to fight coz I don’t want my kids to be bullied (or be the big bully). I want them to know how to fend for themselves. I see it as not so much of a tit-for-tat behavior, but more of being able to fend for themselves.
Shireen’s last blog post..Baby C Only Wants Mummy’s Teats
By Daddee on May 12, 2008 | Reply
Citing another example- my nephew.
I think he was still in primary when this happened, possibly around standard 3. He’s in form 3 now.
My brother told me that his wife (the mother) got a call from the school about his kid fighting in school. Naturally we’d frown upon such thing, so when they got home, the interrogation was on.
Apparently the bully was, well, bullying in the playground. Essentially my nephew could stand it no longer, and pushed / shoved the other kids, hard enough that the kid fell on his ass. Then only my nephew started crying himself.
My brother sternly warned his son never to fight again, but secretly shone with pride!
I think also he had taught his kids the same sentiment as Shireen’s: In this situation, my nephew was fending for himself. But in my Caitlin’s case above, the kids are all only about 3-4 years old. I think at this point (and probably till early secondary?) they would have to rely on the teacher’s discretion: Report to the teacher first, and hope “justice” is served! (assuming the teacher finds out the actual circumstances of the quarrel.)
By Moomykin on May 18, 2008 | Reply
I think this would be remembered forever by Caitlin.
I think I would have lectured my child and then give the other child a lecture too, hahaha…, then make them shake hands.
Another incident that happened was in my sister’s class when she was teaching a primary 1 class. This was maybe 10 years ago: a girl gave a boy a kiss (on the cheek) in front of all their classmates. Apparently it caused a big hoo-ha among the teachers. So when my sis quizzed the girl on why she did that, she said, he was too cute and she could not help herself.
We all laughed, but I think the poor boy or girl would have been embarrassed.
Moomykins last blog post..Witty
By Daddee on May 19, 2008 | Reply
Yes, I think she will remember this. Cos, she exhibits pretty good memory, and also she is starting to experience society’s injustice(s).
It’s quite sad- sometimes I just don’t know how to explain certain behaviours to her. She sees things on tv, real or soapies, and either questions what happened or simply turns away and says “I don’t wanna see..”
It is at the same time intriguing and sad to see her trying to make sense of the world.