Monthly Archives: February 2008

Uncle sneaked up on Caitlin and gave her a pat/stroke-on-the-head. Caitlin swings around and smacks him on the chest.

It is quite a common sight to see local toddlers raise their hand*, as if doing a scout’s honour / swearing-in-court, in a threatening I-will-smack-you gesture. But I never thought mine would start doing that.

I say this cos we don’t do it at home. Granted when I am cautioning Caitlin I do raise my index finger in a no-no wave, which she is now already imitating during play. But this smack-you thing, threat or otherwise actually executed, is something new to me.

And caution Caitlin I do, many times. Sometimes with raised & stern voice, other times I do actually smack her. We do this because, strangely right smack at age 3 (no pun intended), she actually started being very cheeky and at times defiant. Most cases have been telling her (no longer asking her) to greet/acknowledge elders whenever she sees them, in terms of showing respect for them. Other more serious cases have been when she does get physical like this- the raised-hand threat and the occasional follow-through with hitting of people.

We are quite concerned about this behaviour as we are now seriously searching for a pre-school for her to start attending fairly soon. We don’t want to get a phone call one day asking us to take our kid home because she’s been terrorising her schoolmates!

I have shared that I do smack Caitlin when she deserved it. Most times after Mummee or I have smacked her, she’d cry, we’d ask her if she understood what she did was wrong, she’d nod and say “Understand” (but then does it again in future, as this case in point), and we’d give her a don’t-do-it-again hug.

But not surprisingly we don’t wanna use smacking too often.

So last night we did a new discipline, after the incident with Uncle- We sent her to a corner.

She knew she was in the wrong, started crying herself, apologised, asked for a hug. We wouldn’t have it. “No, go stand in that corner” pointing straight-armed at the corner of the living room. After about 5 times each time with increasing urgency, she walked slowly there. “Think about what you did wrong and why you are being punished”.

For me especially, because we have lots of human touch (we hug, she sits on my lap, leans on me when I am on the sofa, etc), I think this isolation and deprivation might actually be effective- she was pleading to come back over, asking for a hug, didn’t like the isolation. Although it may be emotionally painful for her (& to watch), I think it should stick in her mind for a while…

.. Until it wears off and we have to look for another form of discipline!

If you did do the corner thing, how do you do it?
For how long? Stand all the way or allowed to sit (on the floor, for eg)? Within talking distance? Do you allow talking/talk to them? Impose conditions? Eg,Think about it like above, then tell me what you did wrong? Stop crying or you will have to stand there even longer?

* During a visit to the obst last year before Caleb was born, there was a set of brother-sister toddlers there too. Caitlin, perhaps being not socialised enough, didn’t have the necessary toddler-etiquette that was apparently the code among these little people. I didn’t see what she apparently did wrong in the eyes of these toddlers, I was about 15 feet away at the nurses counter trying to find out what was keeping them. The older brother exclaimed to his younger sister “HIT HER” immediately after which younger sister lunged towards Caitlin with her hand raised at my precious. I don’t know how I would have reacted if she did follow though and hit my little girl- lucky for her she didn’t. The parents of these little monsters were nearby, but I didn’t see any interventions whatsoever from them….

Months before Caleb’s birth, I had this Jedi feeling: That for our little angel of a child in Caitlin, we are bound to have a “side effect” of a boy.

I hate to say I was kinda right.

Similarities with Caitlin:

• Their poo stinks! I had no problem, even looked forward to being there during their births, but the stench of baby poo actually still gets me dry-retching!
• Both fall asleep during milk-feeds. Thus both require waking-up to continue. With me, I tickle them to wake them. During the first experience with Caitlin, there was a time when I looked under her pj’s and found that I had created red-marks on both ribs. Note to self: Stop tickling so hard!

Differences with Caitlin:

• Being a boy, we are sometimes greeted with a fountain!
• I can’t remember when, but Caitlin started sleeping right through the night at quite an early age (3-4 months?). This little fella (still) wakes a few times at night for feeds.
• Braving the obvious, we’ve started letting Caleb sleep on his front in foetal-position. I have now personally witnessed him turning his head to alternate the side to sleep on, so at least it looks like he can “manage” himself in this regard.
• Crying for no apparent reason.

This last one takes the cake. Our little man does not seem to sleep longer than 30-60 min each “session”, before waking and, yup- crying.

Over the weekend we gave in and invested in a baby bouncer thingy. I was never against this but for some reason Mummee and her family seemed resistant to getting one. But due to overwhelming lack of sleep and resulting frustration, we made this purchase.

Thus far it seemed to be working in soothing Caleb (back) to sleep. I hope at least some sanity will be restored with this contraption…..

I know I shouldn’t be comparing kids. They are, after all, supposed to be individuals. But we can’t help it. For me, infants are infants. They are little people (supposedly) without “individualisms”, yet.

Of course, in time, I would hope that the first list will continue growing longer, with the second one being as limited as possible, for the sake of everyone’s sanity and household harmony!

Caitlin however, has taken to her brother very well. Whenever there is a chance she would like to touch or hug her little brother. Whenever the chance she would attempt to sneak into the room to get a peek of the little brother sleeping, only to be told off for risking accidentally waking him…

When I first read Derek’s post on 5 Traditions For A Stronger Family (and the follow-up post: Traditions: Simply Capturing Your Traditions), I was reminded of one of the most significant annual ethnic Chinese traditions: the Chinese Lunar New Year.

Since we are still in the 2 week celebration of the Chinese Lunar New Year; this being the Year of the Rat on the Chinese Astrology, by the way; I thought it was apt to write something about tradition, from a parent’s point of view.

As all ethnic Chinese know, the “reunion dinner” (as it is literally translated as) on the eve of the Chinese New Year, is one of the most significant events of the calendar. Immediate family members return home to have dinner with their elders- usually the parents. In my case, three generations are involved. Big feasts are prepared, I know in some families they include certain dishes that signify different meanings of well-wishes. Dinner is left-over “into the next year” signifying abundant food.

My mum has somewhat taken a simple path to preparing this feast in the last few years. Along with some expected dishes of braised mushrooms with broccoli, roast pork, etc, she prepares the ingredients available for self-serving / self-made handrolls of big spring rolls, and also getting take-away roti canai with its sauces as well as some homecooked curries to go with it. This “shortcut”; and some might even say non-traditional approach for a reunion dinner, is still quite well received nonetheless- There is enough to make 3 generations’ of happily-filled stomachs.

I am sure I have left out other gestures with symbolic meanings from the simple list above. But these are basically what I have been taught as a youngling on the significance of the dinner.

While the ingredients is now somewhat different from expectations, this is one tradition which I know will be carried on for many many generations. Not that anyone is complaining about the ingredients- it really is the company that counts.

While I was growing up, Chinese New Year was a lot different compared to what the next generation is experiencing now. Not that I am expecting things to remain forever, just that during my time it felt a lot more “celebratory”.

For starters, there were firecrackers and fireworks and we played with them, days before the actual New Year day. Shopping involved not just for new clothes and tidbits but also for these contraband. The night air was filled with smells of burning joss sticks and burnt phosphor, our clothes dirty from sweat and ashes. My brothers and I would place fireworks on the ground and light the fuses and scramble for cover. Our pet Alsation would bite the burning / spinning fireworks like it was an alien invading Earth and his family, and get a bloody tongue / gums. We sometimes have to keep him in the back for his own good, against much complaining from him. My father then would bring out the 5-6 foot long firecrackers, find somewhere to hang the monstrosity, and do the light-scramble too. I’d be hiding in the backseat of the closest parked car, watching through the rear windscreen the minutes-long mini-explosions, dispersing all over our lawn the little bits of red paper that once wrapped the firecrackers. We’d leave them there for days; it does look kinda pretty against the green grass the next morning, but it is also a dead giveaway of our activities the night before. Cops would drop by and hassle us about it. I leave it to you to imagine how my father handled them!

When I was a little older I’d participate with my brothers and light the firecracker-rockets, wait for the fuse to get really short (yes we’d still be holding it in our hand!) and throw them upwards into the sky for it to then “lift off” even higher into the sky (as compared to simply lifting off from an empty bottle on the ground as instructed!) and watch it pop. Sometimes misjudgements meant that it flipped mid-air and launched itself down towards the ground where we’d again be scrambling for cover… Heh heh.

Today firecrackers and fireworks are banned for safety reasons. Understandable, but it’s still a pity. These are the memories of Chinese New Year during my childhood which will not be enjoyed by my kids- a tradition lost.

What are your family’s upheld traditions and “dropped” traditions?