I was told that during the weeks that I was away Caitlin was quite well behaved.
She would greet her elders (my parents, siblings) in the mornings, sit quietly and eat on her own during meals- just generally being a happy kid (sans the occasional “I want my Daddee” breakdowns).
Since coming home, she seems to have dropped all these traits, reverting to her somewhat rude and stand-off-ish stance, as if my presence immunes or exempts her to mind her P’s and Q’s.
For example, with Daddee in the same room / sitting beside her, her good behaviours seem to go out the window; constantly requiring reminders of “Please say ‘please’”, “What happened to your manners?”, “Hey, you forgot to greet so-and-so”…
And, come bedtime with the lights off, she gets into a sombre mood of not wanting to sleep. “I don’t want bad dreams“; and bad dreams she does get. Everynight since I have been back, she’s been very restless in her sleep, sometimes exclaiming “I don’t want!” or sentiments to that effect.
Come morning, if she is awake like this morning before I leave, she doesn’t want to let me go to work. Only after some coaxing that I will definitely be home after work will she relent. Last night I was to attend an adults-only dinner, she broke down not wanting me to go…
After this dinner I got home to sneak into our bedroom. She actually wasn’t asleep yet, and upon seeing me at the doorway she immediately breaks down. I had to calm her down in order to understand what she was trying to tell me. It was the same story, that she was afraid of having bad dreams again, and I guess seeing me she saw an outlet to vent her emotions (anticipation, fear? frustration?)
My feeling? She’s also not been handling my absences from her very well.
It is as though she was just hanging in there, tolerating the silent “suffering” of my long absence, the people around her (whom she wasn’t very familiar with), the new rules, and the occasional uncontrollable outburst “Why so long!“…
Or am I just over-psycho-analysing?
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It’s not easy for them to have to deal with insecurities at their age.
Micah was 3.5 when I tried sending him to kindy the first time and it backfired. He had nightmares and for days he would not want to go out of the house and would not let me out of his sight.
Until now, still finds it hard to be away from me for more than an hour. If he should be out on an excursion with grandma, he will be badgering her to go home because he wants his mommy.
She will need constant reassurance to help her feel safe again. Be patient.
Poor girl….guess the effect of seperation went deeper than we thought!
She must have been following orders because it was a new environment and new people surrounding her!
You know even as adults, we always release the most frustration and anger at the people closest to us. Other people we treat with greater respect and caution!
Sigh…..poor girl….poor you!
Well, come Chinese New Year, with all the relatives back from overseas and also the local ones visiting, I hope it will take her mind off it. I think the change in environment (going into the very boisterous environs!) will do her some good…
It sounds like she is very comfortable with you being there with her and has a hard time dealing with the temporary separations - although when you are gone for a longer time she learns to cope with it better.
It sounds like she equates sleeping with being apart from you and wants to stay with you where she feels protected.
Enjoy this time though as eventually the day will come where she doesn’t want you around as much.
Thanks Derek,
I am, and really do, enjoy this time with her!
A big part of me doesn’t want her to grow up!