Daddee Yah!

That was one of Caitlin’s exclamations on why I was away this long. “Why no ticket??” was her reaction when a response was offered.

To me, when I got home from the airport so late the previous night and seeing her already asleep, I recall thinking then that she seemed so big, bigger than how I remembered her. It was like she’s already grown somewhat during my few weeks away… It’s like I am living out what people say about their subjects when they have been away for a while..

So I spent yesterday with her. Before dawn on this day, she was awake and finally acknowledged my return home; even though throughout the night she was awaken by what I can only guess are nightmares & the occasional coughing, not really reacting to my voice, my reassuring patting on her back, my presence.

“You (have) come back..”
“Yeah; Daddee’s home..”
“Mummee and Babee?”
“Mummee and Babee are still in Australia, Daddee came home first..”
“Oh…”

Daddee was somewhat warmed to her quick one-two questions; given it was the first thing on her mind upon waking, & her anticipation of Mummee and Babee..

Throughout the day she pretty much wouldn’t let me out of her sight. She wasn’t clingy, but she was needy. Her afternoon nap time came around, and yet she was only asleep 3 hours after her established daily pattern, even though whilst coaxing her to sleep I myself had dozed off a few times. She wasn’t bugging me to do stuff with her- she just wouldn’t settle down and lie down, looking for excuses to do stuff like cleaning and blowing her nose repeatedly. During mealtimes she had also wanted to sit closer to me, almost touching (I know she would have preferred that!)

Last night, though, I had to tell her that Daddee was going to have to go (back) to work the following day. She seemed okay with that. Perhaps it was a glimpse of her accepting (back) the way things were…

I will humor her neediness to an acceptable extent, for I think she needs to adjust to the fact that I am home now, on top of the few times I have explicitly told her that I am home and not going anywhere anymore… for now.

I have snippets of Caleb’s first few minutes in the world. I was watching Caitlin watch (the footage of her) younger brother for the first time on my laptop.

Words cannot express the look of astonishment on her face, her reaction and imitation of when Caleb was pushing with his tongue the (amniotic?) fluid out of his mouth, his first cries and her palm on the laptop screen, stroking the image and uttering “It’s okay Babee.. it’s okay…”