I look forward to putting Caitlin to bed. As it is an expected routine for her now, she seldom fights it when I suggest it’s bedtime. Sometimes she is the one suggesting that it is bedtime herself, which to me is a wonder because sometimes it is when her favourite TV show is playing.
[Culturally, we put our kiddies to bed & share the bedroom, unlike other cultures where the kiddies have a room of their own]
We’d lie in my bed in the dark, pacifier-ed & mini pillow & bolster clutched in each hand. We would actually “catch up” on her day’s events- what she did during the day; & if I’d manage to bring her somewhere after work, recap our activities together (“Caitlin fed the turtles at the park today- did you like it?” or “So what did you & Grannee buy from Tesco today? Did you get some milk & bread? What else did Grannee get? Were you the one pushing the trolley?”)
It is also during this time that Caitlin is the least cheeky. I don’t mind cheeky, but here she is very conversational, contemplative, receptive.
It is also the time when only words are used to communicate in the almost-dark bedroom, where wit & descriptive communication is exercised. It is also a channel where I believe she would be the most open, like she did when she shared the concept of death & her concerns with me.
Comparatively, I believe this to be why Caitlin is closer to me than with her Mummee.
In my previous post I had mentioned that after school I had used to chat with my own mum, about mostly anything. Till today all her kids still catch up with her whenever we can. I believe this “value” or practice was inculcated since our development years, & it is certainly something I would like emulated for the next generation with my own kids.
You hit it right in the nail. It’s very very very important to get your child share with you his day. One is to bond. Secondly, to keep you posted what is going on in his life. Lastly, that’s the time you share some important values.
Thanks for bringing up this important topic.
Loved this post – probably because I love bed time so much as well. I am often getting home just in time for putting our toddler into bed. But then we lie together on her butterfly bed and just chat about the day etc.
I find that we really do catch up in the brief time that we are together, but also how that 30mins at the end of her day is the favorite time in my day.
Finally I have found (not only with toddlers but with people in general) if you really want someone to open up speak to them in the dark – where there is some feeling of anonymity – and they will tell you thinks they never would under other circumstances. I know Little Miss tells me more in this environment than at any other time.
With my son, it’s still tough trying to get him to bed. He just wants to PLAY! But when I do get him settled down, we say a “Thank you, God, for today…” and try to recap all the things he did for the day. Almost every night he will say, “I love you, you know?” and almost every night, when he is all warm and fuzzy, he will be my “good kitty/hermit crab/hamster/etc.” and snuggle up to me.
Hold them as long as we can. Before you know it the concept of personal space will be there between you and your child and a hug.
Thanks for your comments!
>> Toddler Daddy:
You are right. If our workday prohibits us from having more time with them, shared-bedtime should be the very least we should strive for.
>> Moomykin:
Your last sentence reminds me of a story Dr Pixie shared a long time ago about her time in UK whilst getting her specialist. She had brought her first child along with her (who is now also doing medicine), & during an outing in a park, an elderly lady came past & complimented how cute my niece was. “They are so adorable at this age” she said, warm & smiley; & then her face changed, “.. and then they grow up…” & walked away.
I’d like to take a simplistic view that her stance was just that she misses her children’s toddler days, nothing more!
Hmm.. I would think this elderly lady just sees kids like that in general and maybe not have any of her own.
Just today I was looking at my boys and “dealing” with them and thought of how old school parenting thinks of just providence and discipline by what is socially and culturally acceptable. Today we think more of holistic nurturing and how we can help them to be the best they can be and love them as they are- an individual- and pray they will grow to be men and women who will do good to this world.